mei vita...may god bless this mess...

I'm 30 weeks into my pregnancy!

2011-06-08T16:17:00.002+08:00

It's the holidays! YEAY BABY!

Heheh... I know I have not updated since soooooo long... but I'm just relishing the holidays for now... I've been waiting 5 months plus for this long break and somehow very grateful that the school only wants us to come back for meetings twice in the entire month!!! WOW! I missed the first meeting though due to the flu bug.. so that makes only one meeting for me... hehehe..

UPDATES: I'm into my 30th week of pregnancy.. OMG!!!! The thought of having another baby hasn't really sinked in yet till now... Siddiq is still showing some signs of denial that he's gonna be a bhaiya now... Still behaving like a baby once in a while... Even displayed violent signs of annoyance at my growing stomach but I guess it is all part of the process huh? I really hope he will be overwhelmed with joy and happiness once he sees the new baby...

And me?! I have not prepared anything at all for the new baby! I mean with Siddiq I bought stuff for him as early as when I was five months pregnant... I have still yet to find where I've packed all the baby clothes... need to wash them and get them ready for the new baby... I know for sure I am not going to have the time to do all this when school reopen... I need to do all the preparations...soon!

Then there's this whole renovation thing that I need to look into as well!!!!!!!!!
WE already gotten the keys to our flat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT the house is very much in its original condition as how it was when the previous owners bought them over 20 years ago! So definitely need to be spruced up BADLY! I am in the process of surveying around and looking at contractors and renovation companies... YES with a big round tummy going around looking at showrooms and meeting up with consultants! I hope I find a suitable, affordable and reliable one soon! I want them to start work as early as before school reopen! So YA ALLAH please send me one soon! There's so much work to do and yet the idea of kicking back and relaxing is so inviting as well... So I'm trying to do a balancing act of both throughout this hols :)

Anyways... my shoes are off! I'm about to chillax again... :)

The Opposition Constituency

2011-05-08T06:50:00.005+08:00

The WP Constituency

Finally I thought I should share my thoughts on about what has been going on with the whole Election 2011 that has been putting Singapore at her edge.

I would like to congratulate my ex-lecturer on her winning team, WP over their win. I will continue to support this particular opposition team. They have been in it for quite some time now. I believe they do have the calibre to hold the seats in the office.

On one hand, I am a little upset that the overall opposition percentage won is a little lesser than expected and that it ended up with Aljunied being the only constituency won by the Opposition. So why is that after the big hoo ha that took place online, the results are such? Because this is what Singaporeans are made up of. They talk big only. They are quite the empty vessels. But I'm glad they are like that to a certain extent. They are definitely not ready to take a big leap. They are not ready to simply hand over this country to the hands of a group of people who lacks the shining resume. Honestly I don't think the country is ready for such a situation as well. Lastly and definitely one of the biggest reason is they are not ready to accept the blame should anything happens when another team run the government (the ones they voted for). Yes that is the true nature of Singaporeans. Whatever is being done, they need somebody else to blame. They do not have the GUTS to stand up and say that this is their decision and the guts to stick by it. Anything good they celebrate, anything bad they blame.

So why all the uproar online? The angry forum pages and then it only came down to this?? Cause I reiterate THIS is the nature of Singaporeans. A complaining lot. No matter what it is… the spoilt brat that they are… they are quick to point fingers and even quicker to open their mouths. Personal experiences get them emotional and cloud their rational thinking to look at the COUNTRY's INTERESTS at large... They speak base on their own personal bitter experience that they cannot brush off... experience that feeds on their anger that in turn get them rebelling for no true valid reason.... It has always been about “ME! ME! ME!” Have they stopped to think about the country as a whole? Singapore as being their home? The complains equates to the big uproar. But what is the outcome of it all? What happened to the thousands that attend the rallies and shouting their support for the opposition at the top of their lungs? Sets you thinking doesn't it... Did we fall to Tom Bradley effect? The SHY VOTER syndrome? Or is it just that at the end of it all despite the quarrels and arguments with the “parents”… You realised you have to come back home to your parents for support and to be taken care of….

Fact is… The only party that has been able to take all the crap from the people and continue on with the best interest for the people in mind is PAP. You might say it is because they are the only ruling party. But has the opposition convince me otherwise? No they have not. Most of the oppositions are not able to say or show the confidence that they are capable to hold the fort should anything happen. Are they able to say that they will say “NO” in the best interest of the people. For the majority?? Of course they will not admit such aggressive strategies openly to the people whom they are asking votes from. For this I admire the PAP, they openly say that they will do so for they think of the country’s interest at large. They are being the parent with the rotan in their hands who are not afraid to use it should the children scream “ABUSE!”

I love analogies so let me tell you another as I am a parent myself… The PAP has been that kinda government or that kinda parent who will force down the medicine down the tantrum throwing child because they know that is the only way for the child to get well. They will not try to cajole the child, slow talk the child and then have the child throw the medicine in your face and then running away. They are the no-nonsense government/parent figure. They know very well what kind of people they have been taking care of. They have gotten that experience. But on the other side, we do need to groom "new parents". "New parents" that might have a different set of ways in running the "house".

Hence, a little competition in my opinion is healthy. A little competition, meaning putting perhaps just one more Opposition party with more seats. We are a very small country, I don't think we need that many Opposition parties. I initially thought this will be the case where the WP will get more seats this time round, however this situation is far from becoming a reality at the moment and probably is going to take even more years before we can have something like the Republicans/Democratic in the House of Representatives. We do need parents with different parenting style to step in sometimes to take a softer approach BUT not necessarily all the time. I'm sure many are well aware of the FOUR different styles to Parenting/Discipline? Authoritarian, Permissive, Authoritative or Neglectful?? The government is very much like that don't you think? Just that they need to see what kind of children they are dealing with... The people of 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and NOW are all different set of people from different set of moulds...

So what is my take on this? What I want for my constituency is that I want the WP to build a resume. I think they are the only candidates that are somewhat ready to be the Opposition. They have people with experience and educated for the purpose of holding seats in the Parliament and do not simply speak with the heart alone and/or do so just to please the crowd. I hope they will let the next few years be a learning journey for themselves and the same goes as well for the people of Aljunied. The people need to be brave enough to stick to their decision and not have cold feet now because it is too late. In fact, I believe a lot of the voters did back out when they were finally at that booth marking down that 'X'. The support does not end there. Their support is an on-going process for the WP to prove themselves they are worthy of the 6 seats they are holding out in the Parliament. Small but let it be significant. They will not be the backbenchers. They are given this opportunity, let them seize it with pride and support them. Give them that chance, that chance to mingle in the parliament and learn the ropes of how the PAP has run the country. Mistakes and successes are learning stones... PAP has done a darn pretty good job with the country all these years despite the blunders. The good outweighs the bad...

I hope the opposition are well aware the nature of the people they are dealing with. We are a naive lot. We are a complaining lot. We speak with lots of heart and little thinking. BUT please do not falter or waiver your main agenda in pushing this country towards having the First World Parliament that you have promised. The 54% are entrusting you those seats so that some voice of the citizens can be heard in that long room. So that you are given that small (might be insignificant but I think a huge step) liberty to slap the driver who is sleeping and get the people in the Parliament to stop and think before they make another policy or pass law or whatever that they do in the name of the people's interest.

I can’t help feeling anxious. It’s the first day as we are now in the constituency that is under the Opposition. Let the next five years be a learning journey for the constituency and Singapore as a whole. We need to assess what the Opposition can do for the country and giving them this constituency is a start. May this be a start to a smooth and pleasant journey! Cheers!

I hear a song in everything I do...

2011-04-16T20:58:00.001+08:00

The song that connected to me the day I picked Siddiq up from the hospital for jaundice...

"Yellow" Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you, And everything you do, Yeah, they were all yellow. I came along, I wrote a song for you, And all the things you do, And it was called "Yellow". So then I took my turn, Oh what a thing to have done, And it was all "Yellow." Your skin, Oh yeah your skin and bones, Turn into something beautiful, You know, you know I love you so, You know I love you so. I swam across, I jumped across for you, Oh what a thing to do. Cos you were all "Yellow", I drew a line, I drew a line for you, Oh what a thing to do, And it was all "Yellow." Your skin, Oh yeah your skin and bones, Turn into something beautiful, And you know, For you I'd bleed myself dry, For you I'd bleed myself dry. It's true, Look how they shine for you, Look how they shine for you, Look how they shine for, Look how they shine for you, Look how they shine for you, Look how they shine. Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you, And all the things that you do.

I hear a song in everything I do...

2011-04-16T20:29:00.003+08:00

The song that connected with me when Siddiq was born and hospitalised straight after that due to his jaundice...

So is it PINK or BLUE?

2011-04-14T12:27:00.007+08:00

Even though this is my second pregnancy... every mom-to-be will admit that the excitement and the anxiety is still the same! You get excited at every gynae visit, you get anxious at every new development to your body and everything else that revolves around the pregnancy... The thing that will also be in the mom's mind will be the gender of the baby...

So ever since I guessed I was pregnant... I made careful observations of signs that will fall under the "old wives tale" in gender predicting. I believed strongly in these so called tell tale signs because when I was carrying Siddiq he practically screamed out that he was a boy with all the signs and symtoms. There are even quizzes online that attempt to predict the gender of the baby you are carrying. One example is http://pregnancy.about.com/library/quiz/boygirl/blboygirlquiz.htm

They ask questions about how you are carrying your baby, high or low... what kinda cravings do you have, sweet or salty stuff etc etc.

With Siddiq, I was carrying low... he was always at the sides of my tummy but sitting very low on my abdomen. I had all the savoury/salty preferences, likes meat, NO MORNING SICKNESS since day one, easy as a breeze pregnancy, my hubby was experiencing all the morning sickness, getting drowsy, even gaining weight at one point of time. Even after checking the conception date and time of conception it supposedly tells us that we were having a boy. Almost 95% of the symtoms were pointing to him being a boy. There is even a list to check if it is a boy... I basically followed this list...

no morning sickness wow that was the bliss when carrying Siddiq!

baby heart's rate is less than 140 beats/min this one not so true.. Siddiq's heartbeat was usually around 150 - 160 beats/min

carrying the baby out in front just like said earlier...

belly looks like basketball defintely yes a basketball!

carrying low sure did...

craving salty/sour foods pretty much all the time

craving protein, meat or cheese oh my goodness! I was a carnivorous preggo then!

hair on legs grown faster during pregnancy not really though with Siddiq...but I went for a lot of threading.. facial hair was growing more!

hands very dry I used so much of body butter!

dad is gaining weight sure my hubby did!

pregnancy makes you look better i sure did at some point of my pregnancy :) was tempted to go photo shoot even...

nose is spreading?? I don't know what is this...

Even my maternal as well as his dad's instincts said we were going to have a boy for our first born. And I found out it was true in my 28th week. :)

The list provided for a girl was this:-

had morning sickness early in pregnancy (YES!)

baby heart rate is at least 140 beats/per min (YES! its about 156 beats/per min)

carrying high, hips and rear getting bigger (so definitely true... sob sob!)

crave sweets

crave fruits

crave orange juice (my daily intake in school every time either orange juice or fruit juice or power berries juice!)

don't look quite good as normal (sighs... even with Siddiq I had acne and all but manage to look still good.. but this pregnancy I look so bad! Dull and bad acne too!)

moodier than before (I don't know if this is because I'm teaching this time round or what but my P1 kids usually gets on my nerves a lot! I feel moody most of the time)

chest area have really blossomed (can't really rely on this one as it really blossomed even with Siddiq's pregnancy! Now they are over blossomed! =/)

My second pregnancy, I had morning sickness since Week 3. (This was the time I suspected that I was pregnant.) And it worsens from then till all the way to Week 18. I'm at week 21- 22 now and thankfully the vomitting has lessen and not much of drowsiness. Vomitting still occurs.. usually after half an hour after food.. Certain kinda food. I hate MacDonald's totally. I can't eat anything from there except for apple pie. I even feel like puking stepping into the restaurant! And the drowsiness and vomiting spells usually occur in the evening. I am carrying high. My tummy looks so big (I looked like this when I was in my 7th month with Siddiq!) I am showing at 18 weeks. Maybe cause I have my leftover stretchy skin and tummy fats from Siddiq's pregnancy hence showing earlier. I had sweet cravings.. Be it ice-cream, chocolates or fruits! Lots and lots of fruits especially. A complete opposite from Siddiq's pregnancy.

Oh yes another sign was the amount of activity... at least that was what I heard from a lot of people with experience.. Boys kick faster and a lot more than baby girls...Siddiq started kicking at 14 - 15 weeks and had lots of activity. This baby started to kick me only at 18 weeks (again not sure if my skin is thicker now that's why) And it usually prefers to stretch rather than kick or punch inside... It isn't as active as Siddiq was BUT it has occasionally kicked me pretty hard that I nearly felt knocked over from inside! It was no fun and very painful. I had a scan yesterday and just before that it gave me two hard kicks right in the middle of my stomach and when the baby came on the monitor during the scan I saw how it has positioned itself and kicking me at such an awkward position!

No wonder it hurts so bad! Siddiq was always co-operative when it comes to scanning. My second one is a bit arrogant. It sometimes hide so deep in my tummy and refuses to nudge even when being poked around. Sighs... in the end I have to endure all the poking. Ooops I've side tracked too much... Back to the story of the gender so... yes since the signs to be pointing more to the chances of me having a girl I was thinking that perhaps I should start shopping around for all the girly stuff! And even planned what to inherit from my sister's daugher.. hehe.. there were only two things that kept me from splurging on girly stuff... My hubby's insistence that this was also going to be a boy... and a nudging thought at the back of the mind that I am carrying a boy. So yes.. I had my reservations despite being a firm believer of the old wives's tale.... Then again the only way to find out for sure is of course through a scan! DUH! AND Guess what!?

We are having a BABY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here he is! :)

His favourite position... :) Refuses to turn around to be measured....

So out goes my beliefs in the old wive's tale! Out goes all this quizzes that supposedly have high accuracy in predicting baby's gender cause my second baby is proof that these stuff is not true! possibly it works on a majority basis.. Oh well now I can get the licence to splurge more on boy's stuff so that the brothers can share more! They can share all the boys stuff and toys! Hehe.. I was thinking I might stop after the second one if it was going to be a girl... Now that I am going to have two boys... It will be nice to have a little sister for them to learn about manly responsibilities and being a gentleman (I seriously think there's a difference between boys who have sisters and boys who don't!) anyways... there's a lot of time to think about the third one... Because for now I just wanna focus on my little potato chip in my tummy and waiting for the day I can hold him in my hands! I love you little one!

YEAY! Half the league more!

2011-04-06T18:52:00.003+08:00

Yeay! I've crossed the half way mark! Half way more to go! So what's the latest updates? Hmm let's see one of the greatest thing is that I'm having better appetite now... Although I still can't eat after six or seven and I can't eat any complete fast food meal... Half way I will either throw up or feel totally bloated...Yeah fussy kiddo inside.. No fast food at all.. or else out it comes in less than half and hour... I've not had a complete Mac's meal or any fast food meal in the last 5 months! I have gained 2 kgs so far... hehe.. this is good news cause baby is growing fine despite the slow weight gain. I hope it will go on like this :) Siddiq went to the first check up with me yesterday.. This was at KKH (yes... I'm still going to both the govt and private just for the fun of it! hehe.. ) I have not totally decided where to deliver yet actually... I'm enjoying the perks of a public servant at KKH whereas the private one will offer a nearer place of delivery for me... So anyways this fellow enjoys going to the hospital cause he gets to see all the ambulances, UP CLOSE... :) He was running around here and there and YES I had to run with my big tummy and carry him back and forth... A couple of times I missed my turn with the sonographers and the doctor cause he will purposely run away when they called my name! So irritating! And then laugh his evil laughter as he speeds off and glances back to his pregnant mummy chasing after him... and speeds off again... Anyways once we were in the sonographer's office he was so wide eyed and his curiousity kicks in... The sonographer let me up on the examination table and told me to reveal my tummy.. at this point he said, "Mummy, your tummy pain?" The sonographer then put the gel on my tummy for scanning process, seeing that Siddiq immediately stepped on the footstool (used to get up on the examination table) and stood right beside me throughout the entire scanning. He then proceeded to rub the squeezed gel on my tummy all over and seemed to enjoy the yucky feeling of the gel on his hands.. Thoroughly enjoying it and gleefully smiling away... he got even more excited when the sonographer put the screen on showing him the contents of my tummy... What else.. now he wanted to also hold the scanning thingy and move it on my tummy as well! For the first time Siddiq got to see his sibling on the screen! I told him that it was the baby on the tv thingy! And like a sudden realisation... he claimed... "That is a baby..." I don't know if he really understand what was going on or he simply repeated what I said... oh well... He then said "Mummy, tummy not pain?" Hmm... okay... I didn't realise that the sonographer had actually pressed quite hard on my tummy... Cause it began to ache immediately as I left her office.. and today that area is aching horribly!Sheesh! She probed and probed cause it was a detailed scan thingy... Even then she couldn't get a proper reading on the spinal details as the baby was breeched and curved and hence has to come back on Thursday for another scan... sighs... I do not wish to go through another painful episode of probbing! :P So next post I'll talk about the gender of the baby! :)

Another painful trip to KKH...

2011-03-19T15:14:00.002+08:00

Yesterday evening while trying to put Siddiq to sleep, a painful incident took place. Instead of lying down beside me, my son sat down beside me and slammed his head hard onto my abdomen, treating my stomach as his fluffy pillow... and slammmed right into the centre of my pelvis. OUCH! I jolted up in pain and pulled a muscle in the process while getting up! DOUBLE OUCH!

I tried to calm down and waited for the pain to subside... Went to the toilet a couple of times to pee in the process and realised that the peeing was stinging and the pain on my abdomen is not going away... A million thoughts came to my head.. I tried not to let it swallow me up... And I could feel the baby wasn't happy at all. I felt it stretch and moved violently causing the muscle ache and pain to be excruciating... I was only able to calm down and thought positively as I see no traces of blood.... Thank god for that! After the second hour after the head slam... I was squirming in pain as the ache got even more frequent (yes it felt a little like minor contractions) At about ten, my mom, Siddiq (as I do not want to leave him at home to create more trouble) and me headed to KKH 24 Hours clinic.

There was such a crowd... oh man! However, since they knew about the incident, they got me to see the doctor soon enough.

The pain was caused due to pulling of the muscle and of course the head slam itself. Thankfully the baby is fine! It just got a little traumatised by the brother's violent act earlier and was constantly moving and seemed to be punching me (saw this on the ultrasound) in some form of punishment for not being extra vigilant with the active brother around. I'm really sorry but no matter how careful I try to be the brother is just one step ahead and I have no heart to scold him or say no to him when he wants to play. I promise to be more careful as the tummy tends to protude more and as the baby grow inside! I will try my level best.... So yeah yeay another bagful of medicine, antibiotics and drink mixtures to keep myself hydrated to finish!

Sighs... next week I got to go back for another blood test as they suspect that I might have thalasemmia! What is happening seriously I have no idea... but as long as the baby is fine, I'm willing to be poked a million times over. Still praying for a smoother pregnancy... So far things has improved to a certain extent... well there are still stuff I can't eat or come close to... as long as I take the pills and avoid these food I am fine... other than that... I am surviving for the little soul inside... :) I love you loads just as much as I love your brother, my potato chip!

it really isn't easy... :(

2011-02-26T17:15:00.001+08:00

This pregnancy prove to be a little more than I thought it would be...

I've been experiencing cramps since the day I conceived and the aches looks like its going to stay... I haven't had appetite to eat and been vomitting a lot... Past two weeks were one of the worst episodes... On Thursday I took an MC to see a GP... He gave me vomitting pills and paracetamol for the pain... Somehow after taking the pills I wasn't getting better... The next day I went again to see GP and he told me to go KKH instead so that they can give me a better check up... (Hubby was around with me, he came to shore for a few hours)

Went to KKH O & G 24 Hours Clinic and once there the doc gave a thorough check up... She used a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat and that triggered of my first scare... She couldn't detect the baby's heartbeat for a full five minutes! I panicked and said a silent prayer... :( Soon enough then the familiar wave like sound came on.. and I breathe again... Phew! Oh gosh baby you really scared mummy for a while there! Please don't do this kinda thing! :(

I can't help but compare that this time it is really different from my first pregnancy... when Siddiq goes on doppler each time it was so clear and distinct immediately... And he started kicking me at about this time... For this baby I've only felt it move once or twice and that too it went right to my left side and stayed there for hours... aggravating the back ache and the pelvic cramps.. I don't want to complain but just need to take note of how it differs....

Anyways then the second scare... the doc says that my urine doesn't look too good... and just as she thought I'm extremely dehydrated from the excessive vomitting and lost a lot of fluids. For this, I had to be kept under observation for a day at KKH. I dreaded and hated this part.... they poke me in and hook me to the drip thingy... Worse still I was on drips for five hours! And the doc pump in some medication to prevent vomitting into the drips as well and just as she said the medication will make me feel funny... I really did... (hubby got a shock when I was wheeled out of the doc's office with drips on me... he didn't want to leave me but HIS SHIP WAS LEAVING IN AN HOUR! I don't want him to be stranded here! :( What a way for us to part during that few hours he was here right?? Sighs.... )

I can't really remember what happened during that five hours.. I remember slipping in and out of consciousness.. and looking at a couple of nurses walking in and out of the bed area I was in.... At some point of time, they did appear to me to have huge gigantic eyes.... And I even thought I was flying or something... I can't remember for sure but well... Then there was this part they had to pump some water into the drip cause it appeared clotty with my blood... OUCH! I nearly fell off the bed during this time... Got so drowsy and woozy from this...

Luckily when all the necessary medication has been given and the doc finally gave the go head that I can be discharged, I happily left the hospital (after getting the tons of medication from the pharmacy)... I really couldn't take staying there any longer... Somehow after this experience I hated the idea of stepping into a hospital till it's time for the delivery itself.. PLEASE GOD.... :(

I just hope the medication they gave me will somehow improve this pregnancy from now on.. I have been waiting for the part where I can begin to enjoy the pregnancy... and still am... I really pray to the Almighty to ease the pain and aches and I really want to enjoy this pregnancy with this baby too... cause I have not manage to up till now... :(

Hopefully the next time I read I will be in a more upbeat mood... and writing happy moments...

you'll always be my baby....

2011-02-17T23:00:00.003+08:00

He wants to hug me to sleep every night...

It could be true then that perhaps a child does know if he's expecting a sibling... =)

But whatever it is... Siddiq, you will always be my first baby... My precious...

You're the one who showed me the things I never thought I was capable of... You have made me a better woman, a better mother since the day you were born...

It is strange how people always thank the mother for giving them life... But I will like to thank you for showing me the true beauty of love and unconditional commitment and a reason for living itself... I have said this a million times and I will repeat it a million times more that YOU are the one really made me see how precious life and love is.... You will always be my baby... I love you my child.. my baby! My Siddiq... I will continue to hug you to sleep every day of your life... IF YOU ALLOW ME TO OF COURSE :P hehe...

The Need for A Flat.... Updates on the little one... :)

2011-01-28T18:39:00.004+08:00

The lease for my rented apartment ended on 7 Jan 2011. Since then I've asked for extension and manage to squeeze in another 2 months... I've not been staying there since the year started but because I needed a place to put all my things and hence the place comes in handy still for the next two months....

I've applied for BTO and was successful but the downside of it is... it will only be ready in 3- 4 years time... With the new baby coming, I don't think we can manage on rented place till that time... Due to this, I've been searching for a resale flat the past two weeks.. I've locked in one or two particular flats that I really like and we could afford...And they are near my parents place so I can look forward to a few grand off the valuation price! Yippee! Now its just me playing the waiting game... Waiting for the owners to give me a reply and then we can proceed on with the purchase... I'm praying and praying that we can get a place before the baby comes.... So my dear family and friends out there reading this post... Please pray for me on this one! =) I'll be utterly thankful.. hehe... Honestly I've been thinking of it day and night that I can't concentrate on anything else... And it doesn't help that the nausea-ness and the unpredictable appetite gets in the way... to date I've lost 4 kg!! Any other instance, I would be so delighted that I'm losing weight.. heh... But now I just can't help worrying... Which prove to be quite pointless to be worried because I went for a checkup at KKH this week and find out that the little one is doing great and A-Okay! Has grown since I last saw him :)

I couldn't take the entire morning sickness thing and the body aches...So I went to KKH for a free checkup (hehe.. used CS Card you see.. hehe) I got two days MC too... So during the checkup they did a scan and I saw the little one! He (don't ask me why I said he... but when I saw it I just thought it was a he... =/) was so active! Maybe the active-ness made me think it was a he... :P yeah biased point of view.. haha... So yeah he was sooooooooooooo cuttttttttttttttttteeeeeeeee!!! Even the sonologist said so... :) She was like "wow so cute... look at the tiny hands waving it's moving so actively!" I couldn't help but smile goofily looking at that little potato chip look alike waving around.... lol have you seen the Calbee potato chips ad? The baby kinda look like that to me on the screen.... With a big head and tiny body; this is the case when they are still in the first trimester you see.. =) And all the feeling of nausea and the dreaded weeks of loss of appetite were the least of my concern when I saw the baby snuggled cosily in its sac.... waving around its tiny arms.... Ahh..... it's weird that this is my second pregnancy and yet it still feels like the first time!! Hmmm k... the nausea-ness is hitting me again..... :( I really hope it will go away in one weeks time.... Can't wait...

One of the many hindi songs I fell in love with and enjoy listening to...

2011-01-22T13:11:00.001+08:00

The other day I surprised my mom when I sang along to the above song... It was a song she has not heard herself for quite sometime.... She asked how do I know the song?!

I was surprised myself cause it was all part of a distant memory.... Somehow the lyrics and the tune was embedded in my head all these years... This is not the only song that I seem to remember the lyrics or the tunes... There are many others which I can instantenously sing or hum to... These are songs that were popular before I was even born or even before my parents became teenagers! But they really loved this genre of songs and listened to it a lot when I was young... During those times, somehow I grew to like them a lot too and enjoy singing and humming to the songs... And honestly even today... I love listening and singing along to these golden hindi hits....

Sigh... they sort of transport me to another time and place where love seems to be such a wonderful fairy tale and perfect... With no flaws but only the beautiful lyrics.... Sighs... how nice....

Every pregnancy is different....

2011-01-20T14:55:00.002+08:00

I thought I was one of the few lucky ones when I was carrying Siddiq...

Slight dizziness, mild fatigue and the occasional gastric was all I suffered from during my first pregnancy... Overall I enjoyed myself for 95% of the time during that 9 months! And the best part of all which made other preggos at that time envious was NO VOMIT at all... and I ENJOYED FOOD! I could eat anything I wanted.. No cravings but no fussiness about food either I could eat anything I want anytime I want...

THIS TIME round.... :( I can barely put anything into my mouth... The thing is I still have not vomited... I'm into my 10th week now and no violent or random vomitting that women always talk about... well you get the idea...

However, I lost appetite... I don't feel like eating anything at all... I have to force myself to eat in the morning in school so that I can take the vitamins and all... Then comes afternoon... EXTREME FATIGUE takes over me.. I just want to sleep... sleep... and sleep... I don't feel hungry... in fact the idea of putting anything in my mouth repulse me! I thought I should be having something for the baby at least but as much as I tried to bring something close to my mouth, instantenously I can't put it in... :( It's been like that for the last one and half months... I even lost 2kg in that process!!! It's been very few rare occasions when I could actually eat and finish the whole meal.... Sighs... worse is that taste I have in my mouth when I try to eat something... this metallic taste that sickens me! I drank orange juice, its there! I drank milo, its there! I even stopped taking my daily needed milk cause it leaves a weird after taste in my mouth! I'm depressed over the fact that I can't enjoy my food and worried that the baby is not getting anything from me at all.. But then again I have a funny gynae that told me my body has enough to go around for me and the baby... :P hahaha so I should not feel that worried I guess??

Other updates about this pregnancy... Summed up below:-

1. I cannot stand my own perfume! I hate it! (CK Eternity) However the other day I enjoyed the smell of cut grass tremendously... I was taking deep whiffs of it unintentionally and stopped when I realise I looked silly and wondering what in the world was I doing??!!

2. Sleeping a lot in the afternooon

3. Peeing a lot more than when I was carrying Siddiq and bad constipation :(

4. Acnes which was the same as Siddiq

5. Dry skin

6. Dizziness/Nauseaness without vomitting

7. Increased in bust size within the first trimester (similar with Siddiq's pregnancy)

8. Cramping... occurs now and then. I realise I didn't have much of those with Siddiq

9. Gastric!!!

10. Short tempered! :P

That's all for now.. Will update more as time or my mind permits!

A much awaited something....

2011-01-11T19:45:00.007+08:00

Gosh it has been so long since I last blogged... and it seems like deja vu for each last post... Repeating the same thing over and over again... well honestly there hasn't been really much to blog about... Been busy with work and Siddiq... and simply LAZY to write... I need some kind of motivation to sit down and blog..yeah that's right... either the motivation or something interesting to blog or else I simply can't blog... I had previously wanted to capture Siddiq's milestones by blogging about them but I rather rely on my selective memory to serve this purpose rather than blogging about it...

So why have I decided to blog today?? Am I no longer busy with my work or Siddiq? OR have I pulled up my socks and decided to blog religiously from now on? To be honest... the answer to the both the above is no! :P Hehe... My time really is all for my teaching and my beloved son still...

But there's a reason to why I decided to blog today...

The reason for the post today was a much anticipated issue since a year ago... We had planned to go ahead with it a year ago... however after trying for a year we thought maybe perhaps we should let nature takes its course... and just as that thought was planted in our heads.... Tada! We got what we wanted! Just what am I talking about??!! hehe... perhaps some of you has gotten an idea already...

:) Yes it's the much awaited pregnancy! Yes... we have been trying for a while.. Slightly over a year now... This was because we wanted the next one to be less than 3 years younger than Siddiq... However, Allah has other plans for us... Just when we thought oh well maybe it's not going to happen anytime soon.... Alhamdullilah we are blessed with a second offspring! :)

So yes we are expecting a baby sometime in August! I shall keep this post short and shall be motivated to write more in the future k!

:)

i'm here and not there...

2010-10-26T22:10:00.003+08:00

I don't know where the 10 months went... It just did.... past by just like that....

I have not been blogging for ages... I know... perhaps I was just avoiding it... Cause blogging makes me sit down and think... A LOT.... it makes me think about every single thing that occurs in my life... and that takes up a lot of time... A LOT of time... And yet... still time... ten months to be exact passed by just like that.... Why am I emphasizing so much on this 10 months? Well cause my life did change for sure within this 10 month period.... I started teaching and really as a person have changed a lot....

Teaching has become my emotional crutch... It helps me to forget about having to think so much about the other things in my life.... My emotions for one thing... I use to analyze every single thing that happened in my life and how I reacted to it... Every single issue use to be such a big deal because they are the only "deals" in my life... Now I learn that they are always bigger "deals" that doesn't involve the overflow of emotions and can be solved with the help of loved ones....

Teaching also makes me wants to spend every other time that I have with my loved ones... I only want to spent my free time with Siddiq...

Teaching takes up nearly 9 - 10 hours a day (even more on certain days...) that leaves me a mere 5-6 hours (or even less on certain days) with Siddiq (this is of course besides sleeping time!) Hence, time with Siddiq is really precious for me... don't misunderstand me.. I'm not blaming teaching... in fact I thank my job... for I come to realize how much my son means to me...Not that I don't know that before... But knowing how and what kind of life my school kids lead... It just makes me feel that I should really treasure my son in whatever whichever way I can... The younger they are the more love they yearn for...
Teaching makes me miss him so much... Oh how much I miss him when I'm not with him... how much I yearn to see his face when I finally come back to see his smiles and receive his hugs.... :)

I'm also thankful to teaching that it finally helps to iron out some of my financial creases in life... It's not easy but things are working out... slowly but I believe surely....

Once upon a time... I wondered... if I will make it as a teacher... if I had it in me... the thoughts crossed my mind more than once before I made that jump but I always brushed it aside... Now I have made it through ten months! Yeah not a big deal to many... but for someone as fickle as me (I wanted to be a fashion designer, a lawyer, a police officer, prison warden etc. etc.) Finally I found something that I believe I could do and appreciate for a long time... a long long time I hope... in fact... I think this profession really chose me instead of the other way round... and it worked out for me well.. ( no mistake in that sentence... really I meant Teaching worked out for me.... )

Well... that's the very long and boring overdue post... :)

I wish there were only a four day work week...

2010-07-05T17:57:00.003+08:00

For the first week of school, I went on ML on Monday... Had an infection due to my never-seem-to-stop-growing wisdom tooth...and that week we also had the school's Learning Festival which actually really made it a two day work week for me!

Added bonus this week...it's Youth Day School Holiday on Monday! So yet another one work day less for me! :) I'm also going out for a whole day workshop on Thursday! In a way, it's kinda good that I am not feeling so overwhelmed at work since it is only the 2nd week after the long June school holidays.... hehe.. yeah I need time to let the work and the busy lifestyle to sink in back into my head...

I am enjoying the relax-ness of it all but... a part of me still feel guilty...at the back of my mind I am still wondering how am I going to cover all that is needed to cover within such a short limited of time... (For non-teachers, I am talking about syllabus that is needed to be covered/taught to my students within a limited time frame when there are so many things scheduled during the week) I'm crossing my fingers that I will do a miracle feat when such a need will arise... heh..

Hmmm besides the above said....I have nothing to blog actually... I'm kinda feeling contented at the moment... And kinda lazy to blog about anything too...

Oh just a reminder to self... Need to fast next Saturday... It's 27th Rejab! :) I can't wait for Ramdzan already... A sort of anxiety that starts deep down in my tummy... I am so anticipating it's arrival! So exciting!!!! Yeap I am still like that 5 year old waiting for Ramdzan!

Anyways gonna go back to shopping online! :)

A moment to say my thanks... and count my blessings...

2010-05-12T15:35:00.007+08:00

In this very busy life of ours, we tend to forget the things that we should be thankful of... not just the huge things in life... but the little ones too... There have been many little things in life that I am so thankful and grateful for... But this post is especially to express how thankful I am to God for blessing me with Siddiq...

As of today, he's exactly 20 months and 12 days old... Seems like a long time right? Strangely for me it really seems like a blink on an eye... It's as though I went for a roller coaster ride with all the ups and downs...screams and shouts and then before I know it.. I am back at the start of the ride and wondering how time just passed and thinking of where I had just been and about the "entire ride" that I just took...

I've not written for a long time... and even a longer time about anything on my little boy... and I had let my work drown me completely for quite some time... Guess it is time that I take a breather to reflect a bit on my life journey with my son...

Honestly it has been one helluva ride... But if anyone were to ask me if I would take the ride again and will I enjoy it? I will say a definite YES!

This little being that God has entrusted to me as my son has taught me so many things about life and I learned far so many things about myself since his birth than I ever did for the first 25 years of my life...

He has taught me how to love without seeking anything in return.... He has taught me that love can be felt without saying a word... He has taught me all about patience... He has taught me that I am human and that I make mistakes but I should always forgive myself and learn to move on...

He makes me feel special and proud... He makes me feel so loved even when the whole world turn its back on me... And I sincerely pray to God that Siddiq will always make me feel this way even when wrinkle lines begin to appear on my face and the time when he begin to look down on me from height...

Siddiq will always be my one and only precious Siddiq.... Hmm.. I don't know God may bless me with other offspring later on in life... but I know deep down in my heart.... My first child will always hold a special place in my heart for all the things he went through with me and for making me the mother I am today and a better mother tomorrow....

Why he never fails to amaze me? Siddiq is a child full of love and filled with an enormous amount of curiosity that amuses me and spurs me on...

I'm so proud of him and all of his achievements for a 20 month old boy... most of all his caring and loving nature....

Speaking of his achievements and progress, I guess I should now and then do record such things down... For example, his speech development... Even though I initially thought that he was a little slow compared to his cousin, Sisca in speech but apparently going by what everyone else is saying... he is a very fast learner when it comes to language and speech...

I was kinda secretly enjoying the fact that I was the only one who I thought can understand his language... but as quickly as I thought of that... I found out that his speech is quite understandable by most... Well... it's just as fine by me... :)

Then he has began to be really expressive and animated when he "talks" which is truly endearing and kinda comical sometimes when combined with his "mixed language speech"

Yeap the boy speaks in a mixed language.. How so? Well.. he know various words in English, Malay and Mandarin... so sometimes he put them all in a sentence... which can get a bit confusing for me when he does that...

For example the other day, he said "Tutup feng shan... Mama tutup feng shan" I was like huh?
Then he went to the fan and told me to tutup feng shan and pointed to it... So I switched the fan off... Cause I understood tutup which means to switch off... Then I told him this is a Fan, he shook his head and said Feng shan... Fan. The next day then I found out from his Lao-shi that he is picking up Mandarin from her. He is quite attached to his Lao-shi you see...(The only person he will go to without crying when I drop him off at school...Really, she was another blessing from God!)

Other little expressive gestures that he has done that touched me so much I really did tear...

Last week, he made a flower in school and gave it to me when I came home on that Friday of the Mother's day week. He said, "Mama, Hua..." This week, I came back home so depressed as I had a bad day... I cried... I couldn't take it and had to let it go... Siddiq came to me... climb up on me... put his head on my chest.. Said mama and just held me and hug me.... He did exactly what I needed at that moment... A hug... I thought I was going to scare him with my tears and crying... but instead he became the source of my comfort... He held me all the way till he fell asleep... I never felt so comforted in my life as I did at that moment...

It is indeed a true revelation to me... Initially I thought I will miss the baby in Siddiq as he grows up... Well of course it will always be a part of his growth that I will miss and adore...but I am beginning to see a side that reveals a mature and serious nature in my soon to be 2 year old son... and I am really amaze at that fact... BUT HE is still a toddler in all other ways :) In fact he brings out the kid in me sometimes too! (besides my husband and my school kids) He's Noisy! naughty! messy and lots more! and I'm totally enjoying and having a wonderful time with my little toddler! I had a lot of rough patches when he was a baby.... but alhamdullilah I've overcome them and having a much easier time with Siddiq the toddler! :)

I love you so much Siddiq Zaheer Shah! Mera pyara bacha!

Mummy and Siddiq goofing around! (we are the goofball partners in crime!) :P Sometimes nenek really cannot tahan our nonsense! :P hehe... We shall continue to irritate the living daylights of our love ones k! It's their privilege yeah! ;)

I wish I can press the pause button on life for just a little while...

2010-04-30T20:01:00.002+08:00

There's been many many things that I wanna blog about but just couldn't find the time to do so!

I've been wanting to update about Siddiq's progress as he is making a turn towards "2"...

I've been wanting to write about how pissed I am with his childcare centre...but guess I will just fit it in here...-->

It has been 2 months since he got enrolled there and I've got 4 incidences happening to him! All NOT NICE INCIDENTS! Latest being him getting scratched by this little witch at his school! As a teacher I know that accidents happened and sometimes its inevitable cause kids are naughty... BUT this was obviously negligence... I gave the school a last warning... anymore such incidences I'm seriously pulling him out... I am only letting him stay there cause I really like this China lady who takes care of him... Well he is learning more in Mandarin than his mom or dad's tongue but I don't mind at all really... The way she cares for her is really sincere and very motherly... If not for her I would have seriously looked for another place...

Then I wanna blog about so many things now seeing its going to be a long weekend... guess what... I got the flu and fever.... sighs....

I'm a living dead blogger...

2010-04-09T22:13:00.003+08:00

Well... I've been away blogging cause I'm just so tired nowadays...

So many meetings... so many work commitments... and then comes my one and only son.... Siddiq

Lately it has been school, siddiq, school, siddiq...

I feel so bad sometimes not giving him all of my time... worse still when he got one of his frightening asthma episodes just three days ago... It was simply an excruciating painful experience... Somehow I did feel guilty and blamed myself that I could have taken better care of my son...

I took two days off to be by his side every second in the hospital... Every time he heaved and wheezed my heart just broke... And to do this and handle it alone this time around... It was so much harder... I wanted my husband's support so badly... but I know that I have to depend on myself this time around... By the third day when he got better... My sis came to help me take care of him while I got some rest... He got better and is discharged... I am totally exhausted... I'm thankful and grateful that I have wonderful colleagues who has helped me a lot during my absence so that I won't have much work missed...

Now I'm just looking forward to a relaxing and quality weekend with my son.... I miss him so much... I really do...

Four days and I'm the teary eyed one..

2010-03-04T21:37:00.002+08:00

K I admit I am the one going through the separation anxiety with Siddiq going to his child care group now...

I always had it for a week each time I left him with a new babysitter (my mum's cousin and my aunt)... I don't know how long this one going to last...

The whole thing about him going to child care and all just re affirm that my baby has all grown up... He doesn't cry and the teachers are full of praises for him (alhamdullilah!) Seems like things on his side are going fine... It's me with the issues! I call up my mom like ten times to pick him up.... ask her to make sure the school gave him his milk, food, change him etc. Then again I'll call to ask her what he's doing (once she picked him up from the child care) and if he's slept, rested, etc... Yeah I am irritating I know! but thank god again for blessing me with a patient mother.. hehe...

Anyways I have problems AGAIN with putting up pics and videos here on blogspot... I've put Siddiq's video and photos of him going to school on FB. So check it out! ;)

busy busy busy

2010-02-25T21:39:00.005+08:00

My goodness! Been weeks since I update here... it's already the end of the month! Pathetic start to blogging this year... but really I can't help it... and there's nothing much to update too...

There's been a lot of progress on Siddiq and sometimes I feel guilty that I am not taking much effort to record his progress... I can't be active nowadays cause there's really too many things to do!

Anyways my baby is 18 months old! And he's now enrolled in the child care centre! A load off me now... Wanted to blog about the chaos he created during the open house of the child care centre but perhaps next time...its a new Sparkletots centre near my mom's place so super convenient for me! :)

Will take pictures and videos on his first day and post them here! Hopefully I will do it cause I've been so lazy to take his pics and videos too... I know bad mummy... :( but I'm sure my baby will understand... (my hubby not so though... has been bugging me to put up more videos and photos of his son!) :P

It's just Tuesday...

2010-02-02T23:44:00.001+08:00

yes it's just tuesday... and even the calendar says...

W T F!!!!!!!!! :P

I can't believe it's already one month into the year!!!!!!!

2010-01-29T21:51:00.002+08:00

K I know I've been so inactive in blogging about my life... The thing is I really have got no TIME!!!!

Time is suddenly so precious to me...

School has literally taken half of my day... My son takes up the other 1/4 and the other 1/4 I try to squeeze time for sleep and maybe my hubby who's far away in the middle of the sea somewhere in Malaysia... lols...

But seriously as a BT... I'm beginning to feel the stress....

K yeah so I'm art trained... hence have been placed in the Aesthetics Committee and also one of only TWO teacher who is handling the P3/P4 art club! There are about 70 pupils... and yes CCA is not the same as a normal class.... it's a lot harder handling 70 kids in a CCA! What is even more tiring is every Friday is CCA day, and the CCA is conducted during curricular time beginning from 7.30 to 9.30 in the morning... BUT we are in the afternoon session.. YES we have to come down in the morning for the CCAs.... :( no choice, its in the system so it will stay that way...

I've already been told of my duties for the semester.. and suddenly I'm wondering how the hell all my other friends have been doing it!!! All hail my teacher friends! :P

I'm not sure what the actual load of a BT suppose to be... but I am well aware of my duties... :(

I'm the level rep for Music and Art. Timetabling duties, organising stuff and other admin stuff just for Aesthetics. Co Level rep for P1 Maths (I really wonder why I am even in this level!?), P2s SA1 and SA2 Maths exam paper setter, Am gonna do ENABLE which I know nuts about, am to organize or conduct a workshop for the art teachers of my level, am understudying another teacher under the SSM program... It's really no wonder that I've been dreaming a lot about acronyms and job-related stuff... :S Last but not least EPMS... :S And my class targets!!!!!!!!!! Arhhhgg.. .P2s only and I'm already going bonkers... :S Sighs... please please god give me the strength and the continued love of teaching and children so that I can be happy in this job that I've chosen! :)

Definitely a good start!

2010-01-08T12:37:00.002+08:00

Yeay been nearly a week since the new year and what can I say... it started off really good!

In school, I met my kids, there are few who can be quite a handful, I've got ASD, ADHD and really some who I will call personality challenged kids in my class... but however they can cooperate with me when I want them to. Had to implement some tactics to get them listen to you. Otherwise, they are pretty much a group of really well-disciplined children. The other teachers were telling me that I am lucky that I got a group of students who are really well-behaved since last year. Well maybe I am indeed lucky but I think they are only seeing things on the surface and made that statement based on the children that was in the same class previous year when they were in Primary 1. That class previously didn't have any kids with learning disabilities, it was this year that they brought in a few students that I mentioned so definitely their perception of the well-behaved class is not a true account. Having kids with the said learning disabilities can be disruptive for the other kids and that is when the class management can get a little taxing. Alhamdullilah, I was quite prepared for these year's kids and came ready to class. Above all, the children are really adorable and they can really put a smile to your face with the things they say. It's only been a week but I got a good feeling that my kids and I are going to get along just fine and set about to achieving the target set for us. Insyallah! :)

And since my hubby has been stationed in Malaysia now, it has been a great time having to talk to him whenever I want to and tomorrow am gonna meet him in JB for a whole day of shopping and chillaxing! Can't wait already! Week 1 was great, hope more great time to come!

The Last post for the year....

2009-12-31T12:01:00.006+08:00

We never seem to wonder how true it is when we say TIME FLIES... really... it may be overused probably because there is truth in it...

Time surely did pass fast in 2009... especially when I see how much Siddiq has grown during the last 12 months... Strangely growth is so much harder to see when we are in our 20s or 30s but when you are a kid... it is very obvious what 12 months can do for you... I see it in my chotu munna [thats Siddiq's pet name ;) ] He has changed so much from that little baby I cradled in my arms to a strong toddler of 16 months now! Masyallah... He may has gone through a few health related problems here and there during the year... but alhamdullilah HE the almighty has always protected and showered us with blessings...

My baby also had many milestones achieved from the start of the year to the end... Indeed 2009 was a year that I witnessed my baby blossomed. From a crawling baby, to a walking toddler and now to a screaming and running terror! From a babbling baby to a talking toddler who's expanding his vocab! Hmm... but I feel he's rather selective about the words he wants to learn... 2010 shall be more drilling for him... lol well I'll try...

Whereas for me, I started off 2009 as a struggling student/mother with quite a handful.. I tried to spent as much time I could with my son as well dedicate time for my studies... Even though it was hard at times, I manage to face it all and came out of it unscathed :) of course with support from my loved ones... So I must give pat myself on my back ;) Then again I always believe that HE won't put me in situations that HE think I couldn't handle right? There have been many valuable lessons that I learned throughout the year and had learn to be a better person...

I've also matured in terms of relationships... Well.. I wouldn't expand so much on this but its something that I would just like to remind myself...

My hubby and I also began to see more out of our marriage... what started off as a young couple in a dreamy love boat has grown to something more concrete and more valuable to the both of us... We learn so much more of our love and marriage and what we look for in the future for us... For our family. This year may not be an easy year on our marriage (which marriage is perfectly flawless right?) Somehow the imperfections and downs during the course of marriage epitomize a perfect marriage to me... irony? perhaps... :) but as the year is gonna closed its doors on us...it do leave us with a good feeling about everything that we are about to see in the coming year... I can already feel the goodness that is about to unfold and continue to stay positive of what is to come... All this and more definitely insyallah... :)

I am excited as to what 2010 will bring... I know for one that my teaching career begins this 4th January 2009. And as all things unexpected, I am taking the P2s instead of the p5s and therefore in the PM session... I am not complaining at all.. In fact I think it's all better as I can spend more time with Siddiq... since he is going to childcare in Feb/Mar. It's also easier for me so that I can see to all the arrangements and his needs myself rather than relying on my sisters or my auntie.

Other than that, there's a few things that I would like to see happening in 2010 and insyallah with prayers and HIS permission, 2010 will indeed be a good year! I know that this is a short summary of what 2009 was for me but I choose to let the past be the past and instead look forward to the FUTURE!

May 2010 bring us more happiness, love and joy in all of our lives!

See all of you next year ;) That is less that 12 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!

(tried putting pictures... somehow none is getting uploaded!! Will try again!)

The flu bug

2009-12-25T16:26:00.002+08:00

Me and Siddiq were practically glued to the bed for a few days all because of the flu bug...
Due to this, Siddiq missed his appointment the second time now for his 15th month jab and he's turning 16 months really soon... Now he's up and running again despite the wheezing... I wonder how he does it... really...

Just the blocked nose, sore throat and throbbing head is enough to keep me in bed... Whereas he is running around with the runny nose, fever and coughs....kids... really god has given us the best time of life when we were kids.... no worries so carefree... And they in turn make us feel the same way too... at least for that fleeting moment... lol then its back to reality again for adults like the rest of us...

Yes, my life as an educator begins this Monday officially... I can't wait... but then again I can't help being nervous.. it's been two years and half since I stood in front of 40 students... been 2 1/2 years boy... might seem short... but it is not really.... kinda out of touch...

Hopefully my form class will work well with me... I just need that and I'm glad I've got nearly 10 periods of art with the upper primary... For that I've got a few plans already... :)

Anyways will write more soon.. now back to bed... since Siddiq is also sleeping.. a peaceful moment...

Illusions!

2009-12-16T15:36:00.004+08:00

I've always been interested in all sorts of optical illusions, magical images and the likes. I'm a great follower of M C Escher and even wrote a whole essay on him and his works. I don't know I guess I am just such a visual stimulated person. Recently, I've just discovered this thing call Magic 3D images... its a 2D image which has an embedded 3D image that will emerge if you apply some "seeing" techniques. I was invited to do some quiz on Facebook and while taking the test I really didn't know what I was suppose to look out for! I was simply guessing the answers and came out getting 50% CORRECT?! Which I know is b*llsh*t cause I know I didn't see anything at all :P I was beginning to panic! I thought maybe there's something wrong with my eye... so I blackled it (I don't use google, but a subsidiary of it which is more energy saving! yes its call Blackle :P)

Then I learn how to see these 3D images and after that it was easy peasy! I so enjoy looking at them now.. and apparently it has benefits so go ahead and try them!

Magic Eye 3D

Magic Eye

Vision 3D

Too lazy to paste the pictures go enjoy....

Today is just not a good day...

2009-12-11T15:27:00.002+08:00

First of all, had a call early morning informing me of bad news... the people I worked with messed up big time.. and due to their errors I have to suffer with no pay coming in this month! I was so waiting for this pay so that I can finally shop for clothes before school starts! I've been living broke as hell for the past five months with hubby not getting job and all... and now this....

I just don't understand how evil and NOT understanding people can be... And to think they were going to cut off my January pay as well for the error they made...
The story goes that they have overpaid me for the month of June and July this year, not knowing that I have extended my no-pay leave till November 2009. NOT MY FAULT! Cause I wrote emails, made calls and even wrote letters to them informing them about this monies that was credited into my account. NOBODY ANSWERED! NOBODY REPLIED! And further more on the payslip it acknowledge that I was on no pay leave. What was I to think? Money is mine right? And I even spoke to several officers who were so damn blur and not aware of the situation. SO MONEY IS MINE RIGHT? Apparently not. Well too bad. You took 2 months to reply by which the money is gone from the account of course I spent it. You didn't pay me for 2 years what makes you think I'm not gonna spend the few grands you credited?! SO now after half a year... they decided to simply minus it off my pay... WHOLE AMOUNT! Not even partial salary to offset that error they made earlier! Blunder heads....

I wrote them another letter saying that the above is of course unacceptabe.. first of all they went ahead to deduct whole of my salary and even wanted to do so in January... and what am I to do? Lick my fingers everyday while in school? Sometimes I really wonder who is sitting up there... Don't I need allowance? Let's see now what is the outcome of my outburst that I threw at this lady supposedly whom we are to contact about the overpayment...

Then Siddiq and Sisca is up to their nonsense creating a mess in the house early morning... Oh god! No time to clean up even! Then we had to go out to settle hubby's visa and other immigration matters cause he's leaving tomorrow...

And just five minutes ago, FIL called and said that he lost a few grand after coming back from the bank... he went to buy cigarettes and when in the car realised that he has lost 50,000 Pak rupees... do you maths and you will know how much dollars that is :(

Just not a good day at all... I really pray that HE knows what is happening and show us better days soon... cause I might just break down anytime... I've too much on my hands now...

It's the holidays!!! Yeay!!

2009-12-04T18:20:00.008+08:00

It's the holidays! Finally and as any other person who wants to savour each and every min of the holidays, I was determined to make this holiday as fun packed and as fulfilling as it get!

I wanted to spend as much time I could with Siddiq and my hubby during this hols cause I know things are going to get busy and I won't have as much time later when teaching starts!

Some of the things I've accomplished is to cook! I finally have had the time for cooking! Hehe... or more of baking actually... I now have time to bake! Siddiq and my niece seems to really enjoy my bakes too! Kinda proud of myself that I've done more cooking/baking in this two weeks than I ever did in the other months of the year! :P

I've cooked/baked the following in this two weeks:-

1. Pineapple tarts (less pineapple jam as I made this for the kids and more milk in the flour part which seem to prove popular with the kids!)

2. Fried mushroom rice

3. Sweet corn soup

4. Mushroom chicken soup

5. Chana curry

6. Almond butter cookies (some with chocolate strips) - I actually made this for the second swimming session with the SWPH group but unfortunately something cropped up at home and I missed it for the second time! And also the family finished the cookies on the same day! Sorry ladies I promise I'll bake the cookies again the next time we meet!

7. Sweet and sour chicken

And lots of other simple things for the kids to eat... I seem to be cooking and cooking non stop for the kids apparently! Siddiq has been getting quite an appetite too! Mashallah!

Other than that I'm getting involved with other self-initiated projects too :)

Thanks to Michelle for the play-doh recipe.. I whipped up some self-made and non-toxic play-doh for the kids. It was fun making them and even more fun playing with them. However, I thought Siddiq will hate the taste of the dough! I was so wrong... I know my kid is weird... he enjoys chewing the dough in his mouth and even swallowed it!!!!!!!!! Arrgghhh! Hence no more play doh for Siddiq.. and I given them to my niece to play with....at least she plays with it only.. and not EAT IT! :S

I also created Urdu-English flash cards for Siddiq... it is also to keep my drawing and painting skills in check.. lol well not as if its very good.. but I enjoy doodling and making something for Siddiq... so with a Urdu-English dictionary and some markers, crayons and paper I set down to do the flash cards. Even self-laminate the cards... I am surprised where all the energy and enthusiasm came about but like I say it has been fun! hehe actually first few cards were pretty neat after a while I got lazy and the drawings skill also begin to suck...hehe...

I thought its good to create Urdu-English cards since I'm sure Malay will be an easier subject to handle than Urdu and the ready made cards are practically non-existence hence I have to make them myself... so yeah! Will try to make more cards in the future for him!Hubby was quite impressed too that I took the time and effort to write the words in Urdu and all... he helped me to check if the words were right...

Let's see what else I'll embark on next! Till next time!

a little late but always have time to say I love you!

2009-11-24T15:49:00.003+08:00

Happy Anniversary baby!

To my best friend, my lover, my husband....

To us on this special day... and many more to come! I love you baby!

been a busy month!

2009-11-17T23:21:00.004+08:00

Why cause first it's the last month of school and so all the assignments are due!!! Officially the last month in NIE... last month before I can start teaching again!!! YEAY!!!

AND it hasn't been an easy November...

First busy preparing for Sisca's birthday party... Luckily all went perfectly well for the little princess...

Then HUBBY came back... Sigh... Not that I don't want him back but the company going through short-manning and he's been targetted is not good... It really isn't a good time for us right now.. We are kinda very broke and our plans of buying a house might have to be pushed back even further now... :( well that's another story...

Then Siddiq got the CHICKEN POX! Can you believe that?! After all the vaccinations and all??! Crap or what?! The horror I tell you when I saw the rashes all over his buttocks, back and hands! I was oh my god it can't be!? And true enough his PD said it is... very rare that he should get it especially when there's been no such contact or whatsoever with a carrier... Weird but well if the almighty wants something to happen it will happen eh?

But due to this also... I saw the ugly sides of people.. I mean I know you can be worried about your child getting the pox from my child but sometimes you can behave in the most irrational way... I mean if only you know the real fact about chicken pox it will really make you appear like an idiot (and I'm not talking about just one person here!) you can only contract it while the carrier is in the fever stage and not till the breakout of rashes itself... and even then I had quarantined him for 10 days as told by the PD and after that it's fine! And yet people were scared of their wits... FOOLISH!

Then besides all of that drama... there's datelines and exams like I say!!! Arghh!!!

My maths exams went well I think... I screwed up the theory part as always but the application part was quite easy :P hehe...

Now tomorrow will be meeting with BGPS principal... sigh didn't get to go to TKPS but it's okay I guess....

Then thursday is AMX exams... Friday 20th is the curatorial practices and exhibitions submission and then IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Counting down to the days...

Here's a snippet of Siddiq reading... :) He reads in his baby-lish talk of course.. but he imitates the high and low intonations that we use when we read to him... sometimes it's so hilarious the way he reads as though he's reading for real.. perhaps he is in his own little ways... :) Can't get a proper video cause he's becoming camera shy lately! yeah... he refuse to do anything or continue with what he's doing after seeing the camera... I had to take this on the sly...

I miss those chiseled face, collarbones and the defined chin!

2009-11-01T02:45:00.005+08:00

I use to be so obsessed of achieving collarbones and seeing my chest bones... and I was thrilled like MAD when I achieved it then... this was taken in Feb 2007! A month before I started dating Umer...

When will I get back this size of legs!???

I loved my size then.... oh god please help me achieve this once again!

Smaller arms... collar bones... smaller chest and that normal waistline... I wanna achieve it back!!!

Chiseled jawlines? Can I get them back? Better toned arms? This was in later part of 2006....

I can't believe looking at my old photos just how much weight I've put on in the past two - three years...

These photos is not to show off but to brutally remind me that I was once not soo fatttt....Used to be so much fatter but I lost 30 kg to be where I was when these pictures were taken.... at least honestly these were the decent photos :P I mean not so revealing and all...

When can I go back to achieving that kinda weight now... after all the baby weight and marital weight?? I BLAME MY HUSBAND!!! At least depression then helped me to lose weight...

Breakdown

2009-10-26T21:03:00.005+08:00

Breakdown

(Mariah Carey)

Guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it

And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you

But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind

Under the guise of smile

Gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly

Cause I don't want to reveal

The fact that I'm suffering

So I wear my disguise

Till I go home at night

Turn off all the lights

and then I breakdown and cry...

The words connect to me although in a different context from what Mariah meant it to be... however I could feel with those words on certain nights...

It's been 21 days since you left... but sure feels so much longer... It never gets easier... it just gets harder...

Mamma in Me... :)

2009-10-25T18:45:00.005+08:00

Well been very busy to blog... and had no idea what to blog.... Was passing by Jus blog and saw that she had me tag on this post... so why not right?! hehe thanks Jus for giving me something to write about! hehe...

Name: Suryati a.k.a Surya a.k.a Sue can call me anything but YATIIIIIIIIIIIIII.... please no YATI k....

Child(ren) and their ages:
a nearly 14 month old full of energy bouncy boy... :)

How many children would you like to have, ideally?
Lol.. as many as I can! As long as the almighty bless me with offsprings.. I'll accept!

How long did it take to conceive?
I got knocked up the moment we decide to have kids... :P

Brief version of your Birth Story:
Waterbag broke at about 6 am when I was exactly 36 weeks and 1 day along the pregnancy. Went to NUH, about 14 hours later around 6:48 pm my little son was born! Natural birth, had epidural at first but had to take it out cause very bad reactions to it...

Baby's Birth Date, Weight and Height:
31.08.08, 2.7 kg, 49 cm

Weight gained during pregnancy:
I think between 19 - 22 kg.. I really can't remember.. :S

Weight shed after delivery:
Oh man I still have about 8 kg to go before my pre-pregnancy weight! Or at least I want to lose 10 kg from what I am now in total!

How did you name your child(ren)?
Well Siddiq is from the name of one of Rasullulah's kalifa name.. as in Hazrat Abu Bakar As-Siddiq (RA) I also like the name cause the name appeared in Surah Yusuf as a description of Nabi Yusuf's character.
Agha Saiyed is my hubby's family name... Zaheer is their immediate family name and Shah is like a surname?? I think....

Working or Stay-At-Home Mum?
erm... part time student... part time SAHM?

Formula / Breast milk?
First few months breastmilk, then mixed feeding, by 6 months old fully formula..

Your Favourite Baby moments / actions:
So many! These are the few of my many Siddiq's moment/actions...

When he sleeps snuggling to me, with his fingers curling up to my collar, lol scared that I will run away...

Or when he lights up and laughs and hugs me when I pick him up from the babysitter's or when I come home. He insist in me carrying him and hugging and kissing him first!

When he jumps on me surprisingly and play our wrestling games with me tickling him and acting like a lioness and baby cub.... :) it's really fun!

When he surprises me with something new everyday....It just makes me go all jelly and teary eye looking at my baby all grown up... :)

When he says "mamma" in his endearing loving voice... that is uniquely his... :)

I can go on and on!!! :P

His/Her/Their First Word:
Lol as in a proper first word aside from Baba and Mamma... that will have to be
"bird" or "ball" i can't remember... :P either one cause he learnt it at the same time...

This is it the last stretch....!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-20T22:13:00.003+08:00

Yes... in just about one month's time... I'm finally gonna get done with studies!!!!!!!!!!! Forever!!!!!! Err... well at least for now! :P

Just ploughing through the last stretch! So busy with projects, assignments, essays and whatever else that the people up there can come up with to make our lives miserable....

Had no time to update... kinda feeling that I've not been spending time with my little terror too!

LOL... although today he made sure he gave me a whole lot of trouble at the hospital!

He had me running from one end of the hospital to the other!!! And he gleefully shine his cheeky smile when he notice that I can't keep up with him! Oh god! He gets such thrill seeing me chasing him and then he'll ran off even faster! :S He caused such a ruckus too... first he ran into the nurses reception counter at that clinic... then he sneaked into one of the doctor's office through a small opening at the door when the nurse opened it to speak to the doctor inside.... Then he chased the girls at the playarea!!!!!! These were older girls some more... some how the girls ran off screaming and screeching irritatingly... then that get him even more happier.. then he started chasing them even more! And seeing that they ran away just give him the urge to chase thme down even more... I hope that is not a characteristic that would develop into something else when he's older! Touch wood!

Oh my...he's like a bouncy bag full of mischief!!!!! After all that he then fell asleep in the cab... but not for long... as soon as we reach home.. his power nap is over and he's got the whole thing going again!

K now I've got to go back to my assignments... oh bother!

A Gathering with not so new found friends :)

2009-10-10T23:18:00.002+08:00

Uzair's B'day Party!

Good Food, Good Company, Good Fun!!

Top from Left: Birthday boy, Uzair in Mummy's (Fara) hands, Me with Siddiq in hand, Nisa lady in blue! :)

Bottom from Left: Shaheen (Fara's eldest), Wusqa (Fara's second daughter), Sameer (Nisa's boy), Julissa and baby Tufeil

my nearly 13 month old Siddiq!!!

2009-09-25T23:45:00.003+08:00

Just a few days ago... in fact a day after his daddy left... Siddiq got up... held the table... and walked over to the other side of the room... ALL BY HIMSELF WITH NO ONE HOLDING HIS HANDS!!!! AND VERY STEADY TOO!!! Too bad that I didn't manage to get it on video cause like I say it was really all too sudden!

Lol my mom told me that he is exactly like me... When I started walking.. I was late too... I began to walk at about 14 months and I did exactly what he did... He usually like to hold our hands or do it by holding the walls... but on that day he just walked across the living room easily and steadily!!! The only difference in my case was when we (mom and me) were at the playground and I was so excited to join the other kids playing at the playground I simply had gotten up, let go of my mom's hands and just walked over and then there was no turning back after that... This feels so much like deja vu... have I mentioned this before??

Anways, the strange thing is that both of us didn't have to learn how to walk slowly, like in a step by step manner.. where you first start to grab walls and things then walk with no balance, falls and get up again... and fall and get up again... walk slowly, learn to turn, slow down, walk faster etc... etc...

Both mother and son, we simply had gotten up and walked and instinctively knew how to steady ourselves, maneuver ourselves, change directions the moment we did get up to walk... Not bad eh??

Now to me it doesn't feel so bad after all that he started walking later than his peers... After all he manage to walk just fine now! Without the head start at all! Guess some things just stay in the genes... Furthermore, some of his peers are still in the struggling stage (though for one baby girl it is because she is grotesquely obese for a baby who is only one week younger to him...really sad but not because she eats or is fed a lot.. just born big!)... And comparatively... some of his counterparts did the same thing just a couple of weeks earlier to him.. So why the heck was I put under all that pressure and why was I given the stress that he is slow?

Once again I am made to that the remarks blinded me... I should have just listened to my own mom and not worry... because whatever she went through with me.. .I am going through with Siddiq... and me as a baby might not be all different from my own dear son...

In fact, I should not be surprised, though I am still amazed with the walking and all! It was the same with his crawling too.. he used to army crawl everywhere... till the day before we left pakistan... when he was about 10 months plus... he just got on his fours and started crawling properly like speed demon on knees... .so I guess I really shoull learn my lesson well now... Stressing and worrying about my child's progress is really a waste of time.. I should just treasure every single moment now and cherish his progress as the way he wants it to happen.. I really believe now that it is really depend on how Siddiq wants to develop.. as it prove to show that he does it better HIS WAY! :) His own timing at his own game and at his own rules! Maybe I should only worry about all this later in life... when he is much older (hmm... 5 -6 years old maybe?? lol)

So now my little speed fire is walking here and there and everywhere!

Oh btw it is during this month... between 12 to 13 month that he has picked up dancing... well he usually sway left to right or front to back whenever he hears music... or clap his hands along...BUT NOW he even knows the bhangra dance! He knows that when we say "Ba-le! Ba-le!" he picks up his hands, points his fingers out and move them like a bhangra dancer! hehe...

And nowadays he's really dancing like according to music! He has began to move his hands, his legs... and shake his butt!!! Should again try to capture this but always he catch us by surprise always!! And when he sees that we are pointing the lenses at him... he shys away or get occupied with the camera!!! Sighs...hoping to film one of such times in sly maybe...

He has even began learning to hum some of his favourite show theme songs... Like DIBO THE DRAGON, MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE, LITTLE EINSTIEN etc...

He also knows the tune to many nursery rhymes! It's really heartwarming to see how my little boy has learn so much and as developed into such a fine little man he is now...

I know he will continue to amaze me in his own little and BIG ways... and I will be here to watch him and support him throughout... Ameen...

Happy Eid-ul-Fitri to all family and friends!!!!

2009-09-19T00:01:00.008+08:00

To all our family and friends who will be celebrating end of the holy month of ramadhan and the beginning of syawal... Our heartiest Eid Mubarak to all of you and may Allah bless us all with our prayers...

We also will like to take this opportunity to seek each and everyone's forgiveness, should we have hurt your feelings or done any wrongdoing towards you in the past... Like they say in malay, "Minal aidin wal faizin maaf zahir dan batin" :)

Lotsa love, hugs and pappus to all
Siddiq, Suryati & Umer

It wasn't a great birthday for my one-year old son...

2009-09-03T17:53:00.003+08:00

A day after his birthday... Siddiq had trouble breathing at night... he refused to sleep and despite giving him the ventolin he was crying and wheezing badly... Went to KK A&E at one a.m.

Despite them giving him the sabutomol through the gas mask.. he was still wheezing and crying.. Had no choice but to get him admitted... So what a way to celebrate him turning one right? Sighs....

Guess I knew it was coming... despite going to various PDs and them giving all sorts of medicine and antibiotics... I knew he was going to get it.... Although there hasn't been any history of it in my family or Umer's family... Call it a mother's instinct you can say and what a negative one!!

Siddiq has asthma. Now it's confirmed in black and white... It wasn't just a case of lung infections or blocked airways... or under developed lungs when he was born... Or maybe all these factors had finally lead to this...

So over the past few days he has been in the hospital and getting his "daily" puffs and medicine... He struggled a lot when the nurses try to give him his puffs.. Obviously its super irritating to have the gas mask glued to your face with the nose and mouth covered...any child will hate it...
I use to wonder how difficult it is for moms who have to handle kids with all these medical or health problems... sigh.. Now I have to get into the routine of regularly giving my son medicine and his puffs... I don't know how else to call the treatment of him taking in the nasal spray thingy but puffs... maybe later I'll learn the proper term... I hate the thought of going through it... But when we came from the hospital today (discharged today! Thank god!) I gave him my "virgin" puff.... god that sounds weird but anyways... though he protested he managed to take in all the required 3 puffs well... I hope it gets easier with time...

On top of 2 different types of asthma nasal spray, he has a whole lot of other medicine to take... all with its own set of instructions and directions in consuming... I was in such a daze when the pharmacist told me the instructions.. thank god for the written ones on the labels... :(

He has to take 2 different types of nasal drops, two different types of pain killers, anti viral stuff and also Tamiflu tablets....yes cause he had contracted the Influenza A from the hospital on his second day there! And me and Umer also was prescribed the tablets for preventive measures... Sighs... I hate hospitals and all this medicinal stuff!!!! I'm just glad that I'm back home... and I can see the happiness in Siddiq too to be at home...

It hasn't been a great birthday week but at least Siddiq is much better now... and I know its not going to be easy for him or me to deal with this whole asthma thing initially... It'll get better I'm sure, insyallah... This could be just a child hood thingy... since he is after all one year old only... I'm going to stay positive! Will upload his pictures in the hospital soon.. lol he was sure a hit with all the nurses and being the cheeky and flirty little thing he is of course he was basking in all the attention despite being "sick" lol....

why is it just so hard?

2009-08-27T00:45:00.002+08:00

it is yet another stormy gloomy day....

sometimes no matter how hard we try... it just backfire...

the harder you try to put out the fire... the greater it burns....

painful.... really painful...

It takes two to clap!

2009-08-20T11:40:00.002+08:00

=) =) =)

Yes... the phrase "takes two to clap" or "two to tango" can never be more apt than in the situation of relationships.... No matter how one person try to make it work... it will not work if the other party doesn't take heart in making it work too...

Alhamdullilah... things are looking much brighter in ou life in just the matter of two days!

My hubby flew in two days ago!! He called me when he was at the airport in Karachi saying that he'll reach Singapore the next day at 3!!!! I was shocked..stumped... and of course thrilled!! Excited! I miss him so much and the thoughts of all the arguments were swept right to a tiny corner of my head.. not to be brought up again! Cause I know that he's making this trip to spend time with us and rekindle that thing we had... AND WE DID!

Straight away when we met at the airport... the tension... the inability to talk to each other previously... the angerness had all disappeared...

Nothing was there except for the love we have for each other... It is hard.. no doubt.. not seeing each other for 3 whole months... we have done longer periods but we never use to have such tension and strain on the relationship.. This time we really went through a rough patch....and Insyallah we'll face no more such patches... :)

It is nice having him by my side... and definitely I feel love is in the air again as if we started dating... lol but when we hear Siddiq's voice... we know we're no longer that dating young couple but now parents of a handsome baby boy... but definitely very much still in love and crazy about each other.... :) I love my you baby...

Trying my best to keep the faith....

2009-08-14T13:58:00.002+08:00

Never thought that I'll be in this position to say this... I'm really trying to hold it all together now...

The long distance relationship is getting harder... It's getting difficult to communicate... Words get misconstrue almost all the time and temper fly... emotions running high and feelings hurt... Communication is the key to all relationships... spending time is the other.... Communication has gone blurry... and spending time is a luxury...

Things were so much easier when we were physically together... Now everything seems to be just crumbling...

I've seen a few long distance relationships that work so well... why can't ours be the same? Why do we always have to end up arguing over the phone?

What went wrong? What happened to the happiness that we use to have?

We could be talking perfectly fine on the phone and suddenly we end up screaming and arguing... and me crying to sleep....

I want this to work out... for only that one reason...I love you....
Right now I'm really just too hurt and I don't know what to do but just trying my best to keep the faith...

HE knows best and really... may he bless us....

been reading stuff to help me through this...
i.e. Marital Life

Sometimes Life just isn't fair...

2009-08-08T22:31:00.002+08:00

why?

Cause Women are given the harder tasks in life.... and on top of that they are more emotional of the two... think about it...

Built to Last

2009-08-07T20:46:00.002+08:00

"Built To Last"

I've looked for love in stranger places,
but never found someone like you.
Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,
and now there's nothing I can't do.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

All of our friends saw from the start.
So why didn't we believe it too?
Whoa yeah, now look where we are.
You're in my heart now.
And there's no escaping it for you.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight
You and I were made to get love right

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

'Cause you are the sun in my universe,
considered the best when we've felt the worst
and most of all it's built to last.

wish i could wait till our wedding anniversary to dedicate this song to my hubby... but why not now right? well yeah this song is kinda our song... ;)

yeay! happy 11th month Siddiq!

2009-07-31T14:59:00.004+08:00

Wow! Masyallah! Only one more month away before Siddiq turn one! :)

How time flies... Sadly every month on this day he gets his runny nose and coughs again... For a change we saw a PD in Jurong this time round... she gave him new medicine and antibiotics that will last 1 and half weeks... so I hope this time this doc will prove to be good for Siddiq... we have tried so many PDs... no one really manage to cure his runny nose and respiratory problems every month...

As usual he can't keep still in the clinic... running about here and there... worse still this PD had a gear like thingy toy on her table and some cubes.. In an attempt to prevent him from throwing everything down... I kept him away from the table... He knew I was preventing him and so tried even harder to reach them... Once he got his way, like I predicted he played with it for a while then started throwing everything down on the floor and laughed gleefully as everything crashes on the floor.... sighs... pretty embarassing... Then he started to pull the doc's stestocope and even tried to get her glasses! Argghh... faced him to me and he started to pull my glasses off and threw it across the floor!!! He then squirmed here and there to escape me holding him and tried to get on the floor! Oh gosh!The brink of naughtiness! I always felt he gets naughthier than his usual self when he's not well.. I think this incident confirmed it!

better stop digressing...

What I want to share is that it has been 11 months of nothing but bliss since Siddiq came into my life. It wasn't an easy task initially as Siddiq was born prematurely at 36 weeks. He was hospitalized for most of his first month in this world but that incident has made me stronger as a person and uncover a side of me I never knew existed. During this time, I also saw a side of my husband that I never thought he had too. Despite the hurdles and down moments we had during his birth, we grew closer and tighter as a family. Having to overcome that, the journey then on as a mommy to my Siddiq has been an amazing and wonderful ride....

11 months on, my Siddiq is now a big boy! Standing at 73-74 cm tall... He weighs in at exactly 10 kg. Hmm... he's been at that weight since he turned 7 months... Doctor say it's pretty normal for babies to hit a plateau during certain age so I shall not be too worried about that. Anyways it makes me easier to carry him when I'm lazy to bring the pram or when he gets too cranky to go into the baby sling or throw tantrums :P

Yes, he's been doing that a lot lately! Not only that but he's getting a temper too.... I know he'll have lots of that coming from me and his daddy. But I can't blame him either also cause usually it's because of my laziness or my own stubborness, he gets angry and throw tantrums at me.

For example when he insists to go walking around the house and I am too tired to hold his hands... Or like when I forced him to eat cereals when he wants to eat the chicken nuggets! But honestly who lets a 11 month old baby eat chicken nuggets?! That's another thing I can get into an argument with Siddiq on... sigh and some more at his age he already begin to argue with me! Even screaming on top of his voice just to prove his point. Kids nowadays...

Guess it's just Siddiq trying to prove that he is an individual character.. lol... But sometimes I do lose my temper when he insist too much or gets overboard. I do scold him and sometimes even lightly beat him on his hands to show that he's being naughty, then he'll throw in his "symphathy card" and show me his downturn lips and heaving cries... and being such a mummy I am... I'll carry him and he'll put his head on my chest and cry...aww by then I can't go on being angry... of course I'll hug him and kiss him... sighs... I do get taken in by the emotional blackmail... why I know this is so? Because he will immediately stop crying and so called tears will stop flowing... then he'll get his way.... This is all when he's in his really naughty mood...

When Siddiq is in a loving mood.... he can be really adorable....there are times when he will suddenly come to me or my sisters or parents... and just lie his head down on them and hug them... tell me who can resist such charm?

I can write on and on about my baby... but I shall not bore everyone with that...

All I wanna share is that in the 11 months that my little prince came in my life... Lots of things have change.... probably a million things.. lol but I've never been more happier!

This tiny fellow can be a swirling ball of energy full of different personalities all bursting out at once... but he's my one and only son.. my baby... my Siddiq... and for that alone I am willing to go through anything for him...

I may have been a struggling mum at some points of time since I am sort of singlehandedly bringing up my son (Of course I am also very grateful to my parents who understands me so well and allowing me to put up with them and showing me more the true meaning of love) I believe LOVE does wonders and that with lots of care concern trust patience and all the other ingredients... everything will be alright... :) things doesn't seem so bad after all... Just wished hubby was around more often... He misses him a lot too... Hope the almighty will plan something better for us in the future so that we can be together more often... Cause just as much as mummy is always with him... He needs his daddy too... Just always praying for this...

Of course and I'll always be here for my Siddiq :) It's a promise...

Honest Tag

2009-07-27T20:45:00.005+08:00

Been awhile since I got a tag here on my blog... hehe... But hey just got tagged by Nisa on this one....so here it goes!

This is how the Honest Tag works: tell your readers 10 things about you that they may or may not know, but are true. Tag ten people and be sure to let them know they’ve been tagged (a quick comment on their blog will do). Don’t forget to link back to the blogger who tagged you.

THE TEN HONEST THINGS ABOUT ME:

1. I thought I hated teaching and that I can't get along with kids. Obviously I was wrong. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a cut-throat lawyer... but being in the legal field for three years made me realize that was just not for me... And that teaching is really one of the most amazing choices I've made. Thanks to this person whom introduced me to volunteering teaching at Mendaki that changed everything...

2. I wore the tudung/hijab shortly after I met my then beau who is now husband. No, not because of him. It was entirely my own decision but his support played a major role. It was one of the biggest step I took in the process of "finding myself".

3. I have a major temper and that always causes me to be painfully sarcastic to the one who provoked me. Though I do feel regretful sometimes, but mostly I think they deserve it. Cause it does take a lot to make me lose my temper.... I'm usually very nice :)

4. I feel very upset when I see an increasing amount of non-Singaporeans in the service line. Not that I'm biased but I feel a certain loss when I can't communicate in Singlish or even Malay at even the ezlink top-up counters. Sadder that I have to speak in their language to make transactions easier sometimes...And it wonders everyone why the unemployment rate among Singaporeans is high... sigh...

5. I get jealous easily when it comes to the love and affection of my loved ones. But I keep it under control I believe so. :)

6. I can't seem to maintain some things for more than year or two. For e.g. my spectacles, my handphone. BUT for many other things, I've been using for a very long time for e.g. my laptop 8 years! Digicam 4 years! I keep and use certain things on emotional attachments and refuse to change it since it is still in perfect working condition :)

7. I always feel the strong urge to disturb my son when he's sleeping so peacefully as he looks superbly calm and adorable... but deep inside truthfully I get scared even if he fidget a little when I look at him as he lie asleep cause I am afraid he'll awake! He always seem to have this burst of energy that I can never keep up so his sleeping time is myfreedom time! ;)

8. I've lost 3 kg in the past weeks I stayed at home and took care of the kids! All thanks to Siddiq and him insisting me to hold his hands and walking around the house! ;) And playing golf (she loves Golf, kinda strange...) and football with Sisca! It is seriously challenging taking care of these two kids at their age, really need plentiful of energy. It sort of reaffirms my desire to be a SAHM now. So that I can regain my pre-pregnancy and pre-marriage weight!

9. I cry 95% of the times after putting down the phone with my hubby. I guess I'll never get use to the fact that he's apart from me.... I honestly wish he can get a offshore job here in Singapore. Never stop praying for that.

10. Honestly there are more than just ten things that I could be honest about... but rather than listing them here... It can be revealed in my entries... past, present and in the future! ;)

A rainy morning and dull afternoon on a total solar eclipse day...

2009-07-22T14:28:00.007+08:00

It is always a dull day when there is an eclipse... Like today... I've never really witness that kinda eclipse where they show in cartoons where its totally dark... For the past few times that eclipse happened in Singapore, the sky is so cloudy and turn so dark that the sun is totally out of view and the atmosphere of an eclipse is missing... its just like any other rainy day...Anyways... guess I was expecting a dramatic kinda eclipse...

So...an update on the past few days. Since monday my niece had to stay at home cause she is on 5 days MC. The doctor didn't want to take chances and told her to stay at home even though she was well and fine the next day...

It has been a challenge to take care of two kids and manage the house while everybody else is at school or work... yes... Every single member of the family goes to work or school and usually leave the house latest by 8.30 in the morning... So from that time till at least 3 in the afternoon... I'm left alone with two kids... One who is turning 11 months... my own son and the other is my niece... 2 1/2 years old... And they usually are awake at about the same time as when everybody leave the house... So for the past few days was a sneak peek at how life would probably be if I am a SAHM and having two kids...

I kinda get them into a routine as I take care of them... As soon as they are awake... I get them to drink their milk... Make them full... Then clean them one by one... I have to make sure that Siddiq is in my sight always because the other kid I need not worry so much as she is pretty independant...Then probably I let them watch Playhouse Disney or JimJam on cable... or take out their toy basket and let them play... While they are occupied, I will do the household chores... vacumming the house, do laundry, do the dishes, clean their bottles and other stuff except for cooking. I don't think I can spend time cooking with two kids on my hand...

For Siddiq it can be that he wants to walk around the house, so I would have to "lend him a hand" literally for those time... After that it would be a proper breakfast time... I'll give them baby cereal or porridge which then will be back to play again... Of course I usually have to play with them too... It can be pretty fun imagining stuff and amusing the kids... This will be usually the case till in the afternoon....Then for Siddiq its time for his second round of milk before he takes his afternoon nap... For Sisca she will munch on biscuits and milk while watching television or reading her books. I will take this opportunity to clean myself up and bath... Yeah I know its like kinda late to take bath but hey I don't smell bad in the morning....I do wash myself and brush teeth just for the record...

So like about now... I have the time to surf and a moment for myself as Siddiq sleeps and Sisca, my niece plays by herself....except for the occasional times where she'll come and ask me to help her out with this or that...

Honestly, I'm kinda liking this routine life... its peaceful and fulfilling but how long will I be satisfied with it is another thing... On one hand I can't wait to finish off the last semester in NIE and start teaching... and on the other... I wish this simple and relaxing moment is everlasting... haha...

Oh btw my cousin who has been living in Scotland with her husband and family has returned to Singapore. Introducing my Scottish niece, :) She looks so much like her dad.... Pretty little thing ain't she? Siddiq couldn't take his eyes of her... but he was a bit too rough for her... Cute little darling offered her hand to Siddiq and Siddiq pushed it away.. and she cried! He then offered his hand afterwards but she was too terrified to accept his hand by then... See Siddiq Mummy told you to play nice! Her name is Ria, short for Juwayriah...

This is all about the pearly whites...

2009-07-17T23:24:00.006+08:00

Had an appointment today at the specialist oral clinic my sister is working at. It is situated at Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre.

Arrived at 3.30 pm and met with Dr Lim. He is the most friendliest and least frightening oral surgeon (can't say he's a dentist...cause he really is not...) I've ever met.

In fact male doctors/dentists/oral surgeons has always been nicer to me than the female ones... they can be really bitchy... During my pregnancy, the one lady dentist had the cheek to even comment "You didn't take care of your oral health properly and you've started family planning already... sighs...". BITCH. That tooth she worked on... was the same teeth I had to see Dr. Lim today! I don't know why I've been the one always in my family to take care of my oral hygiene religiously and yet I'm the one with the most dental problems. It sucks.

So yeah... why I had to see Dr. Lim is because my upper 1st molar has Pulpitis. It all first started from a small cavity which then was fixed by the lady dentist (she was new and from the dental clinic that I always go to for dental appointments) when I was in my first trimester. A simple procedure was done to clean the cavity and amalgamation was done. Now, after nearly over a year... begining about last two months.. that tooth had suddenly begin to disintergrate.. no kidding really it just crumbles down bits and pieces... at first I thought its just going to be a case of going to the dentist to amalgam the tooth again... but then I realise bits and pieces of that tooth was falling out too! So much so that it even begin to hurt really a lot when I eat or drink...

Though this pain was less painful than the time where I had the horrible gum swelling and toothache during my last trimester and had to go to SGH in the middle of the night... That pain was extremely excruciating.... And I'm not kidding about the pain... cause it was comparable to the whole labour process... It was so bad that despite getting three jabs of novocaine from the dentist, the pain was still there... Worse it affected my entire right side of the face. The jabs numbed my cheeks and tongue but the pain remained throughout for three days... then I just went on anti-biotics and painkillers... Dentists couldn't do anything because I was pregnant. I can't remember if I had the chance to blog about that experience... Not sure if it was due to hormonal changes during pregnancy... I had experience lots of teeth problems..

Strangely that set of teeth has not given any problem neither have the pain resurfaced after delivery but this teeth has been giving problems.. So seeing that nearly half of the crown as well as half of the teeth has gone... I thought I should get it extracted... I thought it was as easy as getting a jab and pulling it out... Boy was I wrong... My sister already took a looksy and warned me that it may not be that easy and that probably I have to sit through a surgery. When I heard surgery... of course I damn panic! But :) fortunately dental surgery is not all that frightening I learn... And really really Dr Lim is really fantastic.

When I arrived at his clinic, pretty comfortable nice and highly advanced clinic, I had to fill up some consent forms... CPF forms (cause my sister was darn confident I will end up in the surgery) Btw this specialist prices are quite PRICEY... erm not not quite... but VERY... :S Then I went to meet him...

He took a looksy... and told me that he will try to perform a normal extraction first should my bone holding on to the teeth is soft it will be easy to extract. He said that usually since I am still in my twenties.... bone is pretty soft and teeth can easily wiggle out...

Got several jabs... not that painful... and then all the tools laid out in front... he begin to try to do an extraction... He was extremely gentle and professional... My nervousness melts away soon after... unfortunately... my teeth did not budge at all! Try as he might... the teeth simply did not moved or showed any signs of being removed from my bones...

He was really surprised of the strong bones... He kept on saying... "Really solid bones you got there!" Then he dropped the bombshell and said that I'll have to go through the surgery after all...

In a min, I was shifted to the surgery room and was geared for it... This is how I looked... :)

the shades is a must cause its extremely bright...

The surgery room looks pretty much the same... just that it has more gadgets and stuff and lots more sharp tools :( Btw thank god it was my sister who was assisting him for my case. :)

The surgery than took place... I felt more comfortable by now... as my mouth was pretty much numbed by now... I really couldn't feel any pain at all... I felt a little pressure now and then on the tooth but no pain as he drill up my huge tooth up into pieces so that he can easily extract it out... The whole procedure didn't really take that long... I only knew he was done when I saw him putting a needle and thread in and out of my mouth... err.. this part I felt a bit icky cause of the needle and thread of course and could see a little traces of blood on the doctor's gloves but since I didn't feel any pain.. I brushed that ickiness away quickly. Since he is sewing up the cut he had to make to take the tooth out... it must be over! yeay finally! The whole thing took about 1 and half hour. I left the clinic at about 5 plus. Then my sister got knocked off too...

So what did we do?? hehe.. shopping at Paragon! Wanted to get some new clothes for Siddiq and just like always I had to go to Toys R Us for a looksy... but that's not all I did... I got something for siddiq and sisca... hehe... and something for me as well... I got myself a Mr Potato Head!!! I love it so much! After all that shopping and walking... when I got home... the effects of the drugs... and the numbness fades away... the pain begins to creep in... and not forgetting I still had a gauze which I had to change as it gets too soggy with my blood and saliva all this while... I felt nausea with pain... so I quickly popped in all the painkillers and antibiotics that the Doc gave me... and now I'm feeling so much better! Ah... I got a 5 days mc which is not really that useful to me now... haha if only it was done when I had return to school... ;) I have to go back to Dr Lim next week to remove the stitches...

It is such a weird feeling to have a gap there now... its a pretty big gap cause it was a pretty big tooth... sigh I will now try to save money now to have a tooth implant there..since it is merely for asthetics... I can't use my CPF to pay part of the fees for that... so really have to save... or maybe not... cause my smile is not affected by the teeth...

can't see cause I kinda have a small mouth... but if I laugh then the gapping hole can be spotted... well that is for later to decide...now I'm going to take a rest... the soreness is still there... and for days to come...

the Sing-Pak footballer...

2009-07-10T14:58:00.005+08:00

He refuse to go in the walker nowadays... Once he got so angry cause he knew I was going to put him in there... He kicked it so hard it hit my feet... :(

He always tap on my hands to signal that he wants to walk... and also refused to held by both hands.. he will aggressively shake off any hands that try to hold him on his left hand... cause that is his "exploring" hand... am eagerly waiting for the day he lets go of my hands and walk on his own! :) sorry the video is in a format that I am not sure of... and I took using my hp hence the upside-down version of it...

He's 10 months! My big boy!

2009-07-06T22:46:00.006+08:00

Masyallah my boy is ten months now... I know this post is 6 days late... but still I needed to do this to reflect and remember the amazing achievements that my boy has done up to date!

He's going to be one soon... I've decided that there will be no party for him this year... I know its the first birthday and all...but it is the holy month of Ramadan and it will be nicer to know that people are performing ibadah and spending time with their family... Insyallah if his birthday falls on Syawal next year then I'll celebrate it....

A quick update on my baby's achievements and habits as he crawls his way towards the BIG ONE!

He is eager to start walking by himself nowadays and refuse to be held by both hands to walk... He has a good sense of direction and with me holding one hand, he will walk all around the house going to places he wants to go... Lol guess where is his favourite place in the house? The bathroom! He knows the way to the bathroom in just two days after getting back to Singapore.. oh.. he already knows his way to the one in the Pakistan house.. he practically crawls there every morning by himself though a week before leaving he always held my hand and walk towards there... he actually uses me just as a sort of walking aid... haha.. I feel so used!

His second favourite place... in Pakistan was the car porch and the laundry area...why? Cause these places he can find all the creepy crawlies he can play with.. In the car porch he will catch spiders and ants to kill.. yes kill... he practically fingers them to death.. :( and the black ants in Pakistan is honestly 30 - 40 times bigger than the ones in Singapore... he practically wrings their neck with his long fingers... poor ants really... and in reality they actually bites but somehow when he comes they all ran in terror... In the laundry area.... he plays with frogs!!!!!!!!!!! He laughs heartily when he tries to catch them and they jumped away... I got freaked out the first time.. and when I realise he enjoys it I just had to let him be... of course I dun let him put his hands in the mouth after that.... I washed him with diluted dettol too! Thank god I'm back in Singapore....

He has also started playing imaginarily which is quite amusing to watch... he can sit for a long time (in baby terms...lol) sitting by himself with some toys and he begins talking and moving them around... His explorative side has also expanded tremendously... every single thing makes him curious... and like what the FitPregnancy newsletter said... Diaper changing has become really really difficult as he kept on flipping and crawling away when I'm trying to put on the diaper for him...

Oh one more thing which I truly feel so touched about.. he is very defensive for his mommy! I guess cause he has become very attached to me nowadays... he can't see me getting bullied! :) Once my Bil was just playing around and teasing me and to avoid his tickles I screamed and cried saying No! And he saw it and yelled at my BIL when actually he's quite attached to him too.. He will only go to me or him readily with open arms... with other people he needs coaxing a little before he'll go to them... so we were all quite surprise when he first did that and I really felt so proud of him that he got such a defensive nature at such an age over me... usually he is only defensive over his own toys or space... but now he can't see me crying or getting bullied... he actually shout and threatens the person who makes me cry... :) but HE can make me cry... he enjoys pulling my hair... smacking my face... clawing me.... and smacking my spectacles out of my face and if I cry playfully when he bullies me... he will laugh! Naughty naughty!!!

His understanding of instructions has expanded too! He could say bye bye, ta ta, give things if being asked, socialise, etc. It is getting so hard to catch up with his achievements and habits nowadays and obvioulsy over the last 3 months he has grown so much and learn so many new things that I can't remember and take note of due to lack of internet access at that time... but I'll try to if I can... or else I feel as though I'm losing a part of his growth... hmm.. already I feel I am... time is passing too fast and I'm too slow in catching up!!! :)

Been ages since I blog... Summing up...

2009-07-06T22:18:00.004+08:00

Blogging was not something I could do anytime there...

Electricity is a luxury in Pakistan during the summers...

Once the lights went off for more than 24 hours and Siddiq ran a fever for three days... 41 degrees! He also fell ill a couple of times...

And I suffered from stomach problems more than 5 times throughout my stay of 3 months there... I could only eat home-cooked food and only a few other places... Yes super sensitive gastronomic system.. The family doctor really gotten to know me and my baby during our stay there...

Well that was the downside of it... The good side is I spend more time with my in-laws and bonded a lot more with them...I guess after their stay in Singapore and after spending the last three months with them we did become closer and understand each other better... And I also spend a lot of time with my baby so much so that he has became very attached to me... that he can't let me out of his side! Now...I'm beginning to worry how will I leave him with my auntie who has been taking care of him before... it has been over three months since he was taken care of by her...

I guess it was after leaving him for 15 days to come back to Singapore that he was afraid I was going to leave him again... my poor baby!

He will play with others as long as I am within his sight... If I were to even walk away for a second he will start wailing! And also I must be there when he wakes up.. A couple of times he nearly fell off the bed cause he woke up and start crawling and crying towards the end of the bed cause I was not by his side when he wake up... :( People might think it is endearing...it could be at times but sometimes he does get on my nerves... especially when he start crying for my attention when he notice me around while he was actually happily playing by himself or playing with others! When I'm there suddenly he will start throwing a fit and will only quieten down when I picked him up... Sighs...

Nowadays he also starts to throw tantrums a lot.. and ONLY TO ME!!!! and when I'm trying to pacify him sometimes he start throwing himself backwards ... sigh.. its really getting harder to handle this boy of mine nowadays.... but I must admit that he still amazes me with every little thing despite his fussiness and tantrums... will do a post on his achievements next!

I'm back on sunny island... and a short complaint!

2009-07-06T11:35:00.005+08:00

Yeap arrived yesterday morning and never felt so tired! Didn't sleep much during the ten-hour journey...

Siddiq was a darling in the plane even the other passsengers said so. He was such a pleasant baby and super friendly. He even slept so comfortable in my arms even in the cramped up seat with no complaints. But the flight from Bangkok to Singapore, he started being cranky because just as we were about to take off he got super hungry (couldn't fed him before cause the previous flight was delayed and I had to rush to catch the next plane! We were dropped off on the runway and not the gate therefore took more time to reach the transit area!)

My poor baby cried so much and started heaving cause he wanted his milk.... Because of that for the first time I got seriously mad with a flight attendant and gave her a piece of my mind that she was so ashamed to serve me throughout the flight. Very good cause you deserved being embarrased by me.... and I'll never forget your name! I am considering writing a complaint letter because your service was utterly poor and you called yourself a senior attendant. Pfft! Your airline should be ashamed of staff such as yourself. I understand that they can't serve us till the flight has safely taken off and I called for their service through the call-button at our seats after the seat-belt lights were off. It took them 20 minutes to attend to me after I continuously called for their service.... After 5 minutes of waiting I yelled for one of the attendants to get me the warm water to make Siddiq's milk. While feeding Siddiq the senior one, the one that got on my nerve right from the beginning came to me and asked if I had called. That was when I blew up!

Flight attendant: You need any help madam?

Me: I called 20 minutes before and my baby is already halfway through his milk.

Flight attendant: I heard your call madam but we are currently all busy at the moment.

Me: Yeah ALL of you were busy doing all the SAME things. You refuse to hear the cries of the baby and fail to attend to me despite me calling for your help 20 minutes ago! One of you could asked me if I needed help but NO! None of you even offered any help! What is the function of this button when none of you care to attend to passengers' calls? What if it is truly an emergency are you going to wait till all of your mundane routine is done or whatever so called busy duties are done!? Now go back to whatever you're busy with!

Why I was pissed was because I was sitting very near to their working area and the farking busy thing she was busy with was placing food for the passengers in the tray... Despite this she didn't even apologised and I could see she was purposely avoiding me... ashamed or whatever it was she felt...

I was also super angry with this same attendant because she was clearly annoyed at the presence of an infant in her cabin. The passenger sitting beside me was a nice gentleman and was okay with having me and Siddiq as his co-passenger. To prove some kind of point of something, she kept asking him if he would like to move to another seat. Though it benefitted me to have the seat next to me free but honestly she didn't do it for my benefit.. It was as though she was trying to please that gentleman rather than helping me out... Stupid ugly old bitch! Really the airline could do without people like her. Poor service. Poor attitude. Choosy nature.

Anyways I got that out of my system. Will blog more later!!! :)

Can't wait for this Sunday!!!

2009-06-17T15:46:00.006+08:00

We have finished the over 80 invitation cards (but mind you its more than 200 people!!!) (self-made by the younger SIL and me!!!) and spent two days giving them out! Phew!

Well this is rather large scale since its two function at the same time...

It's going to be my niece's first birthday as well as Siddiq's aqiqa (as well as sorta advance b'day thingy for the Pakistani side of the family)... It's this Sunday and lots of preparations are underway...
Will update soon about that...

With all these preparations I really can't wait to start preparing for Siddiq's actual 1st Birthday Bash in Singapore!!!! Hehehe... But I'm still contemplating as it falls on the fasting month of Ramadhan... so how?? Do I have it for like after breaking fast? Will people come? Sigh....

In the meantime... I'm trying to upload a video of Siddiq doing his usual counting routine before he goes to bed but can't seem to do it... Pakistan's internet is really getting to me these days... but I'm thankful that at least the electricity problem is so much better now! Not much of loadshedding!!! Yeay for that! Anyways at least manage to upload the invitation cards made for this coming 21st June function... And friends in Singapore.. insyallah I'll be sending your cards soon too if it falls through yah? :)

Siddiq is SIDDIQ!

2009-05-19T11:18:00.004+08:00

Parents being parents... and grandparents being grandparents are proud of their children or grandchildren and of course they love to show and talk about how much their little ones have achieved and excelled.... that is acceptable... but what gets to me is that when they start to COMPARE.... I hate it when they do that... Even as a teacher.. I hate it when teachers start comparing their students without really understanding each of the kids ability and potential or their true talent.

Being a mother of a 8 month old baby doesn't stop me from hearing comments made in comparison... and its worse when THESE FOLKS are talking about my baby. MY SON. I use to get hurt a lot when they started making silly comments. Especially during one of those gatherings where we bring all the kids together and make them play together.

Then I realise these people will always continue to make comments regardless of whatever! As long as you are a young first time mother and considered inexperienced or have a baby that is considered "SLOW" in milestones you are supposedly to take their advice in raising your own kids!

First it started with Siddiq's jaundice... I had to stop taking my herbs back then cause I was told it will affect his jaundice and it will remain high. Then it was his broncholiotis... I had to mix feed him with formula. Then it was his weight problem that I was given advice to stop breastfeeding. And being a paranoid mother I listened to all this blabbing about how to take care of my son for his own good. I was NAIVE. I should have known better.

Now it has come to his development. Siddiq has not started crawling at 8 months going on to 9 months... and its causing others to worry or be a busy body and started giving out their advice. Yes I admit I was worried too that he might be slower than the other babies at his age. Then I come to realise that this boy has gone through a lot and so much, which nobody else witnessed but me, my husband and my mother for at least two months after his birth. For the amount of shit he went through then, he has done lots of catching up and by my own standard and his, he's done well.

They failed to see the achievements that he has done but only concentrate on those he doesn't...

1. He doesn't lift up himself and get on all fours to crawl... but he gets to what or where he wants in other ways... He army crawls or even rolls to the places. That's not a bad thing. At least he moves. Only not in the "normal" way or enough to the liking of those who makes the insensitive comments. They assumed that I didn't put him on the floor enough... I didn't make him crawl towards things he likes..yada yada... truth is... I'VE DONE that.. but I didn't say it cause I know it will just make them say another thing... which is definitely going to hurt more... cause they assume they know better and they are right...

2. He sometimes cries when a kid disturbs him or get a bit more violent with him but often he doesn't retaliates. CAUSE he's not like one of those kids. He's my baby. He's being brought up to be a gentleman not a bully! He's ONE OF A KIND. He don't hit to get his toys. He's happy to just play with another toy and he don't get jealous over toys or parent's attention. He win people hearts with his smiles.

3. When he sits he doesn't move, very inactive. Just play by himself. SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT? Just because he doesn't crawl around and jump around like some kind of monkey 24 hours...doesn't mean there's something wrong with him or his development skills. He might be slower or he's just taking things at his own pace. And defintely he prefers the walker to having to crawl by himself. Cause he can be up to more mischief and move around much faster. What I don't understand is why rush babies in their development? What do they have got to do?

4. Where is his teeth? Why are they not growing? Just so YOU KNOW... the faster the teeth grow... the faster it will fall out... So what is the big deal of him having to have his teeth grown as soon as possible? I'm fine with him chomping around the house without teeth for the moment. Fact is the teeth are growing out... it's just not going to be an overnight thing isn it?!

Instead of looking at his slowness of development and at doing things cause he's always a month or so behind, look at his achievements of what he can do... after all he's just a baby.

These people won't see anything or won't see it through my eyes... But I do see my baby...

Do you notice how he is already grabbing at things to pull himself up to standing position?

Do you notice how fast he imitates something that he sees? Like smacking of lips, vibrating his lips, sticking out tongue, clapping of hands, using the spoon to feed himself etc.

Do you notice how he bang whatever things with rythm rather than just random banging?

Do you notice how he actually understands whatever you are saying and actually responds to you? Do you notice how well a conversationalist he is? All you need is time to take notice of his achievements....

And I'm not talking just about my son... I'm sure there are lot of other parents who are in the same shoes as me... whereas there are others who are so eager to show off their baby's fast development. Whichever you are... you have every right to feel how you feel.. but just don't be unfair and start comparing your child with another. One party is bound to get hurt and for those parents with slower babies, don't give up hope or get demoralised and don't condemn your babies as slow. Give them your full support. Somewhere along the lines all the babies will grow up and be whoever they were meant to be... :) As long as you have been a great parent... the results will show...

I am the BENT RIB and I'm fully aware of it...

2009-05-18T13:43:00.004+08:00

Been reading a few books on the expectations of a Muslim wife...

I came across a saying made by our Prophet (s.a.w) where he describe women as a bent rib...

"Treat women well and with kindness, for woman was created from the rib, and the most crooked part of a rib is its upper part. And if you were to go and straighten it, you would break it; and if you were to leave it, it would remain crooked. So treat women well and with kindness"

I did some research just as I suspected there has been uproars on this phrase that he has made saying its oppression and insult to women...

Its strange how educated people can be but when it comes to judging the religion they have completely lost their senses and the ability to view something from another view..

Just as there have been uproars and anger there have been others who have provided sound reasoning to the phrase which I personally agree with...

Our prophet (s.a.w) said that women are like the bent rib because of how our personality are like... We are the sensitive, emotional, sometime the more irrational gender... yes I might be generalizing here but when it comes to feelings and emotions we are all guilty of being easily acting upon them. I rather see this phrase as advice for the men... as a form of making them understand that we are indeed complicated forms and are easily ruled by emotions and by forcefully making us change or making us do things that we don't want to do, we will break just like the bent rib! Treat us nicely and pamper us...take good care as well treat us with kindness... the bent rib will not hurt you right? Rather then trying to "straighten" us up, it will lead to unpleasantness... it's easier to accept us the way we are and if we are flawed... all we need is your patience... treat us well with kindness and especially LOVE... we are the more brittle creatures when it comes to emotions. Hence we are the bent rib, the one that was taken from you to be created for you....

daddy's going crazy!

2009-05-16T11:44:00.006+08:00

Since he turned 7 month old the previous month... Siddiq has become very very and I seriously mean VERY naughty...

That sometimes I wonder where has the innocent sweet little thing gone to? I mean he is still the sweet little thing MOST of the time... its just that he has gained another personality since then...his naughty side which I know from which side of the family he's gotten from ;)

Siddiq has this fascination with all sorts of thing that has lables, wires, dangling stuff and stands... YES stands! What do I mean... hmm.. shoe stand, standing fan, vegetable stand (this was in the Pakistani house's kitchen) yeah we have a three tier vegetable stand which he has numerously pull and crash the whole thing down. Strangely he has never gotten hurt, alhamdullilah he has not and I do not want that to happen too but HE has seriously been so lucky! And the one cheeky thing he does when we catch him when he's just about to pull something down... he'll smile! Yes especially when we are trying to stop him by saying "NO! Siddiq.. noooooo!" He will flash his cheeky smile and with one swift pull, everything comes crumbling down! It is as though he is challenging us that he'll do it no matter what... He does all this while he's in his walker. The only thing we can do to save anything from his clutches is to quickly rush to him and prevent the incidences from happening..even then... he is usually a step faster than us sometimes.. Just as we approach him... HE WILL PULL OR PUSH whatever things he has his hands on... We will save something from being falling down.. he's off somewhere else looking for something else to pull push or throw... We're constantly on a cat and mouse game with him when he's awake and in the walker...The very mischievious thing about it is that he'll laugh and be amused at these adults running after him and chasing him to prevent him from breaking or pulling things! How naughty! We have started calling him the cheeky monkey... You think we didn't child proof the house right? The thing is we did! I don't know how he'll always manage to do something that causes us adults to go on panic frenzies! Its constantly "Siddiq what's that in ur hands?" "Siddiq what's that in ur mouth?" Siddiq No dun do that!" "Siddiq that's not a toy!" "Siddiq don't throw that!" "Siddiq ... Siddiq... " Lol it gets tiring... but it sure keep ur time filled!

Hahaha but the thing is... nowadays... he is driving his daddy up the wall with all his naughtines!!!! Haha... I'm kinda secretly enjoying that fact that Siddiq is making his daddy go crazy! After all its payback time! Since he was never that participative when I was there to take care of Siddiq... and well now... he is having the full time job of taking care of Siddiq... hehe.. and in addition Siddiq has discovered that daddy has a forest of hair on his body and head and loves pulling his daddy glorious forest of hairs out! haha and trust me Siddiq has such a strong grip it really really hurts... Haha I manage to catch him in action pulling his daddy's hair on one of our webcam sessions. :) Ahhhh.... I miss my baby! I know I've been blogging about nothing but him.. but that's all I can think about the whole day! I am here to finish off some errands and the MOE seminar.. but on other days I'm pretty free... and all I wanna do is be with my baby... still counting on the days...

"you naughty daddy! I wanna talk to mummy too ok!" Let me talk to her!!!

missing my little man....

2009-05-14T21:30:00.003+08:00

for my baby who's far away from me...

Godspeed - Dixie Chicks

Dragon tales and the "water is wide"
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "amen" wherever we are
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

this is not easy....

2009-05-14T21:06:00.004+08:00

first separation from my baby... i can't blog about anything else but each day as the day ends... I just miss him so much.. miss his laughter miss his cheeky smiles... miss his cries... miss his manja ways... sigh.....

He's already 8 1/2 months... Time sure fly by... Can't wait till 23rd when I'll be with my baby again... I was so paranoid that he won't remember me... but daddy has been bringing him on webcam at night and he saw me on cam too... he smiles so widely when he saw me on the laptop! Awww... it's so awful being apart from him for this long! Counting down really...

2 days down.... 13 days more to go

2009-05-10T18:01:00.004+08:00

Back in Singapore

Lots of errands to do

15 days without my little one...

I miss him like mad... even though daddy put him on the webcam every day and night... I still wanna hug him and kiss him...

Wish the damn 15 days just breeze through...

Either I'm not there or daddy not there... sucks...

Missing my babies...

It's been 3 weeks!

2009-04-28T13:30:00.002+08:00

Yeap been here for about 3 weeks now!

Can't blog cause of the power outages that occur nearly an average of 8 hours per day!

It's so super hot! Tempers are flying too but we are keeping it in check...

Enjoying the night bike and car rides with hubby! ;)

Lots to blog but feeling super lazy...

Caught the cold...

Oh yes! I met Wana!!!! It was nice! Finally conversing in malay in Pakistan hahaha... didn't get to take good pictures though and when she came over to my place... Completely forgotten about taking picture! Sigh... will write more if I can catch some time!

a load off!

2009-03-30T20:25:00.002+08:00

yeap all the major assignments and projects are over!

Yeay!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I can breathe...

Hmm though I think this semester's results won't be that great... but I'll be glad to at least get it through!

Yeay now can fly off to Pakistan liao!!! :) Meet my hubby dubby!

He's gone to Pak... :(

2009-03-21T18:58:00.004+08:00

Despite doing this all the time at the airport... It always pains me to see him walk away from me... walk away from us into the immigration check and going off to take the plane... And he'll always try to stay out as long as he can... Partings are never easy... those who said they get use to it must be in denial... cause it always hurt to leave your loved ones... it always does... cause the minute the glass separates him from me and my son... I already begin to miss him like hell... miss him so bad... wishing that I can turn back time and make him stay with us till all of us leave for Pakistan together... I know like all the other times we had to part there's always this reason... this "have to" reason and I hate these reasons... and somehow again we are going to be in Pakistan at different times and leave at different times... I just hope the Almighty knows that we need to spend more time together and somehow let us be together for a longer time this time around in Pakistan...

He just called from Bangkok, during the transit there. They are about to fly out to Karachi soon. Waiting for his call tonight. Will wait even though it'll probably be at 2 am Singapore time when he reached there. Then I'll know he's there safe and sound. I miss him. His son miss him. I just hope the sacrifices the 3 of us made as a family is appreciated by those we are doing it for.

For the next 20 days, I'll be missing that middle of the sleep kiss that he gives me... those kisses he thought I didn't know about cause he thought I was sleeping....

Baby counting down the days till we'll meet in Pakistan...

Love you loads and missing you just so much....

Some getting used to...

2009-03-08T20:04:00.002+08:00

It's the thing between the kiddo and the daddy...

The thing is they get along well... very very well in fact...

So much so that now he wants to go to daddy whenever he's around at my place.. (he's staying with the bro)

And daddy spoiled him rotten by rocking him to sleep on his shoulders while walking around.. so much so that now he won't go to sleep unless he's put to sleep that way... I've got a bad temper when the baby starts throwing tantrums just before going to sleep... And of course daddy will come to save the day and he'll go happily in daddy's arms... yeah yeah mummy's jealous... and guess that's something I really need to get used to... I know women are funny creatures.. I was hoping so much for daddy to be around to help me with the baby.. and now when he is... I'm getting jealous.. what to do.. we're are made that way I guess (of course I'm not speaking for all the women out there DUH! Just the some of us! :P )

Arghhhhhhhhh today we attended my secondary school friend's wedding! Gosh it was really nice to see some old friends.. All look so different and grown up.. Lol I was mentally picturing each of us there in our BVSS school uniforms...hehehe... And yeah I got really some surprise looks cause of my marital status and mommy status... well I haven't seen some of them since over 5 years ago... Lots change in that period of time... :)

OK now I got to go back to my assignments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn these assignments ... some times I really rather just sit for exams.... honestly...

Hubby's in Town!

2009-02-27T21:43:00.004+08:00

Yeap he came late last night! :) Yeays!
He stayed over last night and it felt really nice snuggling up to him to sleep again after so long... Though work and Siddiq kept my mind busy from missing the hubby... fact is I do miss him....and having him back around now is just so nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was afraid that Siddiq might not be friendly with him... BUT I was wrong... :) Father and son got on perfectly well... Siddiq laughs at all his daddy's funny faces and antics when usually he's pretty choosy at who get his precious laughs... He loves being held by daddy and playing with him... And both daddy and son together loves and basks attention from the opposite sex happily!

We went out today, did some errands, bought some gifts ...then we were at the HDB Hub today which is for another thing... and mind you today is just the first day he's back and we ran into a friend of his already! Hmm.. yeap opposite sex :P hahaha...

Now he's staying with BIL till we go back to Pakistan... yeah plans change again if you know what I mean.. :P Okay got to get my work done for datelines... or is it deadlines? Which do we really use? Hmm....

My baby 1st fall!

2009-02-25T17:46:00.005+08:00

Well it bound to happen sooner or later... :(

I left him in my sister's care while I needed to go get ready to go out... and she left him on the sofa couch to clean up after my niece. We all thought he didn't really like to flip over maybe that's why she left him there.. but I think he fell by sliding down the couch instead of flipping over... well anyways... I can't blame my sis... it already happened and I really couldn't be bothered to get mad...

And that day before we know it, we heard a thud and he started wailing! I really got a shock and I wanted to scream out when I saw him turning red somehow I managed to remain calm and soothe him and rub his head and sayang sayang him... He quiten after a bit...Luckily it wasn't anything serious... Thank god really. Honestly a thousand thoughts came across my head but I know that babies' heads are still quite soft and don't easily suffer from serious injuries due to falls cause God just made them that way... knowing the numbers of accidents they are prone to I guess...

It has been two days since the fall and he looks totally fine... so alhamdullilah...

Brought him to the barber's cause I wanted the baby to have a first proper boy cut...but that irritating pakcik... I think he accidentally razored off more hair than he should and conveniently suggested that I should get Siddiq a total head shave off instead of a stylish "mullet" haircut which I wanted him to have! He said the weather is too hot anyways and will be better for hte baby...Esssh! So irritating thinking of saving a few bucks I lost my baby's hair... Guess next time I'll go to my normal hairstylist for the baby as well.. Told hubby about it and he got pissed that I shaved off the baby's hair.. LOL what can I do right? Just told him la the weather too hot for the baby so had to shave off his hair... :P

Oh btw it's my 300th post! lol I didn't know I wrote so little!

A load off my shoulders!

2009-02-20T19:00:00.001+08:00

Yeay two modules down! Yippee! And its friday! And I've got some allowance! This is a good day!

Only 4 more to go (with tons of assignments still...but for now I DON'T CARE!)

Muahahahaha! I'm gonna kick my shoes and chillex with my baby!

part of a song i use to listen to everyday... how apt...

2009-02-10T20:15:00.001+08:00

Well I guess I'm trying to be
Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove
I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath a disguise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH! Like what the fark...

2009-02-09T18:14:00.003+08:00

Yes life sure fark us up sometimes... And sometimes the circumstances are just as that... The expletives are due to my bad mood over the past few days... I'm in foul mood because of so many things... One I'm really tired... It's inevitable but I do feel like a single parent sometimes.. Yes I know I need to be understanding and independent. Well I am! I think I am one of the most overly understanding and superbly independent person around... So? Still needn't stop me from feeling that way right? I'm pissed over the mounting assignments that I just can't seem to complete.. I get side-track at home.. I can't leave my baby alone, not when he's awake.. Sometimes I do get mom to help but its still different... Then there's over the fact that the hubby just said that he won't be able to stay long if he does get sign off... He'll just probably go back to Pak first then wait till I join him there... Why? Because? Just some stupid reasons that I can't even bring myself to write here. Now just when I was waiting for him to be with us... He wants to go back. Just when I thought I could now relax a bit with him around to help out. He wants to go back. Or that's what he says! Well I'm not going to Pak if he's not coming with us from here. I will live by that!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What?! No.. not yet...

2009-02-08T19:34:00.003+08:00

Siddiq has this habit of putting his foot or feet in his mouth.

Old folks claim that it is a sign that he wants siblings.

No. We are not ready for another one just yet.

Siddiq, I want time now for just you me and daddy k. No siblings now. Not at least for another 3 years k.

In the mean time, just enjoy the feet. And I need to get into the habit of cleaning your feet after you walk around in the walker now. Cause you get them dirty when you're walking around the house and I don't wanna you taking all the dirt in when you eat your feet :P

Where are you baby?! I want that room!

2009-02-05T16:08:00.004+08:00

It's been 5 days since he called... at other times it wouldn't really matter... cause I know it takes about 7 days for him get to Malaysia from Vietnam... But I really hope he'll call soon..cause I need him to confirm that he is coming here as soon as he signed off... And I need to let the nice lady know that I want that room in Tampines!! It's like a freaking good place to be in! Thanks Fara for the lobang! :P hehe...

First of all it's opposite Afghanistan! I know for sure my hubby will like that. Then I have like a gazillion friends living in that neighbourhood! Really not kidding :P And so many other facilities la! I want that room!!!! But I would only know when to confirm if he let me know when he's coming back exactly and of course I need him to pass me some "Yusoffs'" or "Benjamins'" lol for that matter so that I can place the deposit to "chop" the room... So baby wherever you give me a call! Waiting anxiously here...

Getting the hang of it...

2009-01-29T21:11:00.003+08:00

Well at least I'm trying... It was kinda exhausting in the beginning... Waking up at 5.30 am everyday...get ready for school get the baby ready and then off to the nanny's and making my way to school... and hours later drop by at the nanny's pick up the baby and off back to home...

At home, I'll rest for a while and my parents or siblings will play with the baby and then I'll feed the baby and play with him or talk to him or tell him stories and probably feed him again before putting him to sleep and then I'll do some school work before heading to bed myself at about 12 plus or 1 in the morning... Yeah sometimes up till 2 am because with the baby awake I can't seem to do work... don't ask me why not....I just can't...

And the baby is getting use to the routine as well... He used to get cranky when I had to wake him up at 6am to get him ready and stuff.. Nowadays he gets up around that time himself... so easy for me to feed and get going for the nanny's. He will be awake throughout the journey in the bus. And its a plus point that he is such a social and smiley baby... well at least to everyone else :P lol my family and I will know what a cranky and angry fellow he can be when he don't get what he wants especially his milk! So yeah he will smile and baby talk to passengers on the bus and thankfully people are kind to give me seat every morning as it is very crowded at that time... It will be very bad if I had to stand because most of the bus in the mornings are the new ones that accomodate for those needy in wheelchair, but I personally feel those buses are hazardous for the other passengers... these new buses are so not passenger-friendly! With little standing space especially at the top part where you have to climb on steps to get to the seats (I usually sit on the four seats that is on the lower part of the bus, you know which one I'm talking about...its a single deck bus but it has two parts la... very irritating bus in my opinion I seriously think they could have come up with a better design...hey actually the double decker version that is handicapped friendly is pretty good... its the new single deck one that is very unfriendly for passengers I feel) And it also doesn't help with all the bus captains (as they are so called nowadays) driving like they are retired F1 drivers reliving their moments!

Anyways..so yeah back to where I was... so yeah thankfully I've manage to get a seat every morning despite the existence of the new super irritating single deck buses that comes in the morning... and it's also a good thing that Siddiq is so social and happy every morning. It really starts off my day in such a positive and upbeat mood you see... :) And also kinda make me proud mah... baby making conversations and smiling with people.. as they will always have somethings nice to say... being a mother of course I'm smiling and beaming with pride when folks say nice things about my son.. (but of course I know that all this is from HIM... so I'll always be reminded to say my thanks to him and Masyallah. :) )

Being so lacked of sleep, I catch an hour nap or so if and only I can get a seat in the train, now don't have baby you see... so can't expect sympathy... and especially if the train is so full of certain group of people who simply don't care and so thick skinned, they can run and grab and place their butts on the seat EVEN if you are right infront of a seat which someone is getting up from and YOU are just about to take that seat, naturally right you are infront of that seat somebody gets up you sit down la.. But these folks... sheesh! They can shove you so hard from behind and push you away and sit on that same seat and very IMMEDIATELY fall asleep! Magic isn't it?! And I realise it is a common and prominent attitude of a certain group of people and I am bold enough to say that these group of people are definitely not Singaporeans, I won't generalise and say that all Singaporean are perfect.. but it's just a very durational observation... These group of people takes up about 30 - 40 percent occupation in the train at about 6 -7 am in the morning... every day...

So that's it if I get a seat I'll nap... I seem to side track a lot.. maybe just feel like blogging a lot eh? Where was I? Yeah it'll be school for hours and then off back to home!This is usually about 3 or 4 in the afternoon..meaning I reach Eunos where I'm picking my baby up at about 5 or 6 in teh evening...

So I'll head to nanny before home! It's so great that she will bathe him, clean him, change him, read to him, play with him the way I'll do it for him... :) and no matter how dead tired I am at that time and sleepy and so so moody... When I see him smiling and reaching out for me as I enter her house... all the tiredness just melt out of my body.. I swear... My baby has that much tremendous effect on me... Every day from Monday to Thursday (I don't have classes on Fridays... lol yeah envy me! :P ) He never fails to greet me with such a beautiful smile and his arms reaching out for me when he sees me coming into the house.. Masyallah he is really getting smarter day by day and growing at such an amazing speed... Just five months ago, this little baby was so little that I was so afraid to let him out of my sight... Now, he's fighting with his might to squirm out of our hands and trying his might to get up and move about... Oh how he will pull himself up and hold my fingers tight when I put them out for him! And I don't know if he's just a lazy baby or he hates the lower perspective....He hates being put on his tummy and when he wants to play he doesn't want to play while lying down...He wants to sit and play with you...He's not even trying to roll over also... no matter how I tried.. Actually he was learning how to roll over before he got circumcised but I think after that he didn't dare to roll over and when he recovered he just plain forgot I guess..LOL

So now he doesn't want to roll over... but he wants to sit up or pull himself up to a sitting and standing position! And when we hold him up standing he wants to start walking! He moves his legs and step forwards! Hmm... somehow it doesn't sit with me...I feel that its not systematic that he is not doing things in order... see that is how OCD I can be sometimes... but my mom says its normal for some kids to do that... but isn't it dangerous if he doesn't learn to roll over and crawl first... instead of standing and trying to walk??

Then there's this grabbing habit that he has gotten into... And his favourite subject....my glasses.

He will gleefully grabs it from my eyes and puts it in his mouth. Well he got into the habit sometime back to taste everything but nowadays he is getting cunning at grabbing things... He will flash you such an innocent smile and when ur making funny faces to get his reaction he'll grab the glasses off and have a smile of triumph on his face as he slobers and wets my glasses with his saliva... :( I think might have to get new glasses soon... Cause now I have only one pair of glasses which I use for home and school. Luckily it's a plastic one.. more durable. Oh gosh what the heck have I been writing?? So much! And honestly I've forgotten what I was writing about... well till next time...

This Used to Be My Playground...

2009-01-24T22:41:00.004+08:00

Was looking at some of the photos posted by a classmate in the Bedok View Alumni (facebook-non-official group) and it got me reminded of so many sweet memories in the secondary school... Many a times when I spoke to an ex-classmate or a friend whom I got to know from those ages we speak so fondly of it and have such a good laugh... It was where I met some really good friends... and learn a lot about life... I wish I could hold on to those happy past... but without that chapter in my life I would never be who I am now... Four years teaches you a lot... Four years experience with people who made such a difference in your life... and I'm not even talking about studies... I'll remember the late Miss Peh who never gave up on me and my classmates... One of the very reason why I took a turn and love teaching... I now know why she dedicated her whole life to teaching... the love she gave towards it... honestly I've never knew anyone like her... I could never thank her enough for making me study hard... I also remember Miss Tan too... She was also the other teacher who made me fall in love with the English Language so hard... :) Other than that... BVSS was really like a playground for me... I thoroughly enjoy going to school just to have fun even if I wasn't interested in studies back then... this song from Madonna just came up to my head (it was also the OST for League of Their Own)I miss my secondary school days...

This used to be my playground (used to be)
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say

Don't look back
Keep your head held high
Don't ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
You're feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don't hold on to the past
Well that's too much to ask

Live and learn
Well the years they flew
And we never knew
We were foolish then
We would never tire
And that little fire
Is still alive in me
It will never go away
Can't say goodbye to yesterday (can't say goodbye)

This used to be my playground (used to be)
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say

No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well then there's hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You're not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday (the dream)
Those are words I'll never say (I'll never say)

This used to be my playground (used to be)
This used to be our pride and joy
This used to be the place we ran to
That no one in the world could dare destroy

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
I wish you were standing here with me

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be our great escape
This used to be the place we ran to
This used to be our secret hiding place

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
The best things in life are always free
Wishing you were here with me

It's a long weekend but...

2009-01-23T21:05:00.006+08:00

Yeah the but is there because I don't think I'll be able to enjoy the long weekend as much as I thought I will be...

Well the thought of spending five long days with my baby is of course the best part...

But my mind is swirling with all the things I have to do... Like a couple of super long essay... Think of an art piece I wanna work on that deals with interdisciplinary like wtf? (this is such a curse word when it comes to art!) and of all the topics... I chose to work with a theme... "PHOBIA" now I might be getting a phobia I think soon... There is this analysing of children's art and their development...

Then the bulk of the lot... there is this unit plan for english that I have to come up with and I still can't decide on which "young adult" fiction book I wanna work on... I wanted something by Elizabeth Laird cause she's a good author for adolescent books but... I can't think of which one... I was thinking "Red Sky in The Morning" that book made me cry when I was 13 for heaven's sake... 13 was such an emotional time when it comes to reading books....

lol I also remember crying for Clay Marble by Mingfong Ho.. yeah the one that wrote Sing to the Dawn too.. read Clay Marble I'm sure it will get a tear out of you... I cried when I read Red Sky in the Morning... I also cried reading Emily of Emerald Hill, well I am not ashamed to admit that I was kinda "a matured reader" back then.. that was also the age I read Leap of Love by Catherine Lim.. yeah that same book that got into a movie.. I can't remember what title it was... but yeah..lots of tear-jerkers books...

So yeah this is the major headache I have to deal with during this awfully and painfully long weekend...to come up with a unit plan of 14 hours... Can't decide what book to do on how to do a 14 hour unit plan??!!! I'm freaking and panicking but that is NOT good cause my brain will go into hibernation if I panic... sometimes... either that or in my panic state I produce awfully A+ work... hmm.. so I don't know should I panic? ArGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Then I feel like not bothered with all my school stuff and just enjoy the function tomorrow..then there's this family beach outing on Monday...

in sickness and health...

2009-01-19T19:34:00.003+08:00

I'm darn sick... I've got a vicious cough which wouldn't go away despite downing the cough syrup... I am cautious as not to become an addict... I have a tendency to take more than the prescribed amount when it comes to that cough syrup.. oh you all know which one I'm talking about...Anyways I'm doing much better now... still on anti-biotics.. and still taking the cough syrup...but much better than when the virus first hit me...

And my poor baby has gotten it too... It aches my heart when I hear and see him cough... and gasp for air... It sort of bring back bad memories of those days when he was hospitalised.. oh god I don't want him to go through that shit again... I can still hear the phelgm in his throat even though he's on medication for three days already (he's on ventolin now) :( Doctor says won't necessarily means he'll have asthma but my fear is there and I'm praying hard that he won't have another relapse of bronchiolitis... Baby be a strong boy and recover quick k... Khanum (oh this is what Siddiq will address me as..it's in Farsi or otherwise known as Persian, sort of my hubby's mother tongue actually) wants you to be well soon!

Another aching part it's still about 11 days till end of the month and I'm so totally broke....Hubby have yet to send my allowance for this month... Sigh... and the medical fees cost us near about $80! And I'm such an idiot I forgot that I could use my CDA BabyBonus NETS card for Siddiq's medical fees! I only remembered about it when I reached home! *Smacks forehead hard*

Sigh... guess enough break for today... I better get back to my assignment...

Can't help but cry whenever I hear this...

2009-01-16T20:05:00.003+08:00

Just heard it and the tears just flow...

I am no angel and I had taken a path through life which I am sorry and shameful for and I know there is no one I can turn to for forgiveness but HIM...Allah (s.w.t) The Forgiver, The Merciful and The Compassionate...

May HE fill my heart and guide me and my family through the rest of our lives that bring us
closer to him and Paradise...

No nursery rhymes for my kid I guess...

2009-01-16T18:11:00.002+08:00

I always use to wonder why are some of the nursery rhymes so sadistic... and after reading this article on The Asian Parent, I guess its really because of the mindless lyrics and catchy tunes that it gets pass on and kids sing it for generations and generations! Then I came across another article that said that these rhymes were never meant for kids in the first place..but use for political and social gatherings or drinking sessions among the adults in the olden time.. well whatever it is... I'm guilty of it also and the joy we had when we sing to these tunes just make it much more eerie suddenly...

Can u remember these:-

Jack and Jill went up a hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after

Three blind mice, Three blind mice
see how they run see how they run
they all run after the farmer's wife who cut off their tail with a carving knife
Have you seen such a sight in your life?
As three blind mice

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's men and all the king's horses
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again

Rock a bye baby on a tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

Ding dong bell
Pussy's in the well
Who put her in?
Little Johnny Flynn
Who pulled her out?
Little Tommy Stout
What a naughty boy was that
Try to drown poor Pussycat
Who ne'er did any harm
But killed all the mice
In the Farmer's barn!

and I'm so sure there are others....either they are sadistic or damn sorrowful... I use to like my bonnie lies over the ocean and sang it to Siddiq until after a few times I realize that it's about death of bonnie!! so sad right! sigh...

Maybe rock songs won't be too bad after all...or that incessant purple gay dinosaur..at least he sing about love... friendship and all the good thing a baby should know... no wonder my niece is in love with that dancing purple dinosaur... I might hate it but if its good for the kids... I can sit through it for him...

my can't-be trusted card reader!

2009-01-16T17:11:00.002+08:00

I've lots of videos and pictures that I've been wanting to upload... Just when I wanted to get started doing it today... The stupid card reader got spoiled and I have no idea how so! The laptop states that its a malfunctioned usb... and it can't read the card reader or some crap like that la...

Esssshhhhhhh so darn irritating! And its one of my trustee tech stuff cause it can read all sorts of cards; my psp card, my handphone card, my camera card and all the other cards! Ah.. so now I've to go and get a new card reader...and till then all my cards will be filled with un-uploaded stuff.. Damn all this tech stuff....

KKH Check-up and other stuff...

2009-01-14T18:48:00.003+08:00

Been busy like hell... Tmr have got two proposals due... Only done one.. yeah and I have yet to think about the one yet!

Went for baby's follow up check-up today at KKH due to his hospitalization back when he was 20 days old... had an ECG scan as well as a nasal thingy test... hmm his ASD aka hole in the heart has not close yet.. but it is smaller... from 6.6mm to 5mm now so I'm not too worried about it.. at least not yet... the doctor seem optimistic that it will close up by next year and hence he scheduled another ECG next year but this means the hospital will not discharge him just yet... insyallah it will all be better then. Sigh will have to go back again next week for his nasal test results... He has been coughing again.. and been having raspy breaths...

I really wish he doesn't need to go through all this tests and what not.. he seems like such a completely healthy boy... aside his coughings and runny nose.. Full of energy all the time! And masyallah he's doing so many new things at such increasing speed that I'm having trouble catching up with him! Just sometime ago he was already holding his own bottle whenever we feed him.. that if its the smaller bottles.. he can't manage the tallers ones by himself but he will still hold them tight..Now.. he's learning to throw his bottle aside when he see us holding something to drink or eat trying his best to grab them! He could be drinking his milk and when someone comes near holding something to eat or drink he will just throw the bottle away and starts reaching out for that... Lol and yes there's another thing which I really have to hand it to him... his choice in females ;) He is such a flirt! When a baby I still can close one eye... if he behaves like this when he grows up.. I'm sure to spank him hard!

This flirting can take place anywhere! He can flirt with the girl queuing up behind us at the checkpoint while I stand there carrying him in my arms... He can flirt with the pretty nurses walking by while I register him... or even at MacDonalds! And as always they always get his attention... and he in return get theirs! He will flash his charming toothless grin... and bat his eyes.. and they will fall for that and come over immediately! They will enjoy playing with him and he of course entertain them with his babbling and laughs until the evil mummy will spoil it all for them by having to go away!! hahaha... but he also very choosy I realise... when an auntie or some oldie come up to him to talk or play with him..he will just give a blur look or sometimes rudely look away! Only if he's in super good mood he will politely smile or entertain them.. or else those he flirt with are always young ladies.. pretty and sweet looking ones... Sigh... what a thing to learn first being a boy! Somehow somewhere I think I know where he got this genes...

Jam packed semester!

2009-01-09T15:46:00.002+08:00

Gosh it's the first week of school and already I can't breathe!

And I miss my baby like crazy! I could be sitting in class and suddenly have the sudden urge to snuggle up to Siddiq like I have been doing for the last 4 months... Sigh... Can't I study from home... I WISH!

Anyways beside missing my son during school.... school has been crazy... Three of my modules which are meant to be completed in 12 weeks have been squeezed into a 6 weeks program to accommodate those going for practicum which is so stupid because they would probably have only 3 or 4 modules by this semester whereas we the "up-graders" have about 6 - 7 modules and its serious hell to complete 3 of them withing a shortened period! NIE has a serious problem in coming up with schedules and timetables as well as course programs for their teachers... they need to really go over their programs again instead of causing so much trouble for us... sheesh! Irritatingly they didn't even give me a proper timetable.. So in the end... I got the most weirdest timetable anyone can get...

In one of my modules we have a two time a week kinda tutorials... usually one tutorial is one day after the first tutorial so that you have time to read up on the materials and do some homework before the second one... but for me I am actually going to be in two diferent tutorial groups (this is one of the accelerated module which has been shortened to fit in the 6 weeks time frame!) in the same day just two hours apart! The other students have the privilege of having the tutorials on different days and in the same group and for me I'm stuck in this mixed up timetable...
ARGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!! So pissed! Oh yes... I even have a day where they have conveniently placed a three hour tutorial from 5.30 - 8.30 in the evening! Nuts! Somehow I already can't wait for the semester to end!

I've got my smile on!

2009-01-03T23:41:00.002+08:00

:) Happy sighs.... It's such a warm fuzzy feeling to know that even after all this time... my hubby still make me feel like a love-struck teenager... He might not buy me flowers or chocolates or butter me up with sweet nothings... But his simple gestures like when he gives me a surprise call in the middle of the day just to say "Baby, I love you and miss you like hell! Okay I got to go know. Capt's calling. Hugs and Kisses!!!" - (despite talking in the morning earlier) :) can put a smile on my face instantaneously!

Well anyways... he just called that's why! :)

Sigh... Poor hubby of mine, stuck somewhere in the sea near Vietnam with no fresh water for bath for two days!!!! The seas experiencing rough waves hence ship can't move out further into high seas... neither are they able to go back to port for supplies... Sigh this delay would mean that he'll probably not be in Malaysia in time for his birthday... oh phooey! Drats!

But hopefully I could at least give him a call... lol ain't it funny looks like we take turns every year to be together to celebrate our birthdays... 2007 didn't get to celebrate his but we manage to celebrate mine... 2008 we celebrated his but wasn't able to celebrate mine... This year we thought that we will be able to celebrate both occasions together... but looks like other plans might take place instead...well we'll see how it goes... Like I say nothing gonna bring me down from now on...ermm well at least I'll try at the most.. lol... it's gonna be a lot of smiles this year for me.. :)

After being with my hubby... I realise that it doesn't really matter if we religiously celebrate all the so call important dated occasions or not... Lol cause I use to be so anal to my ex-es about such things... er.. honestly I was kinda too with my hubby initially but it all change soon after... For now..all that matters is that we always have each other in our thoughts...whether we are miles apart, with him at sea and me here... or we being in the same room...

He's the reason why I've got my smile on today!

Expecting a wild ride in the new year!

2009-01-02T14:33:00.003+08:00

Well... It's already 2009! Been busy with the baby to do a new year post... well anyways never too late yeah so here it goes.

Happy 1430 Hijrah to the muslims and Happy New Year to the non-muslims. Hmm I have lots of things planned up for this year... Insyallah I'll be able to accomplish them. :)

1. Do well for this semester in school.

2. Lose weight!!! (hehe.. I've lost 5kg...but sadly I've got 12kg more to go!!!)

3. Celebrate my birthday in March!! I wanna celebrate and tell the world I'm a year older... hahaha....

4. Try to save.... really have to now... :(

5. Save a whole lot more for the trip to Pakistan in May/June.

And the other random things going through my head now...

1. My MIL has left for Pakistan today with BIL (he'll be coming back on Sunday, I seriously think he should take a break and stay in KHI a little longer to relax) and I'm back at mom's place, a little crampy but at least I'm back at where I'm most comfortable. :) Well in the mean time I am still looking for a new place... and this time I can't be bothered to be in the same house as BIL cause he is really getting fussy about the houses... whereas for me I don't mind anyplace as long as it's clean and the owners are great. And of course within my budget :P

2. My baby has got the flu, how am I going to leave him with the nanny on monday when school's start??!! Hopefully he's recovered by then.. I do trust her since she took great care of my niece when she was a baby... but I can't help worrying... Will he miss me? Will he look for me? Sigh I think I am going to go through the separation anxiety not the baby... :( I'll miss him so much! Since I've to start dedicating some of my time which I am so use to spending with Siddiq to school and studies again.... Sigh... But luckily this semester timetable looks pretty good to me... hehe...means I can still spend more time with him!!!

3. It's my other baby's birthday on the 7th! hmm.. is there any way we could spend the day together? Insyallah if his ship get to Pasir Gudang again then it'll be great! :) Keeping my fingers crossed!

4. Why do I always get this anxiety attacks whenever the new year starts? It's like hoping for something great to happen... well at least it is of a positive vibe :)

5. Lastly, reflecting on 2008, it was a good year... after all I had a great pregnancy and delivered to my little bundle of joy who never fails to amaze me each day... me and my hubby became lots closer... I began to appreciate certain relationships better while learn that certain relationships are meant to remain that way and will never change no matter how hard I put in effort but if the other party don't, then it's not going to progress.. learn to always trust my guts and feelings... God have put them there for a reason right?

6. Hopefully 2009 will be filled with lots of joy, happiness and love and be a better year than before.. I won't run away from adversities but I won't let them get to me too... I will smile lots more and enjoy motherhood, wifey-hood (if there is such a thing) and will always be a filial daughter to my parents... cause their hearts is where home truly is... Honestly there's lots more to write... but at this moments some things just slipped away... well if I remember them I'll write again.. For now chiaoz!

Happy a blasty year ahead and enjoy the wild ride in store for each of us! Like how I'll always live by my motto... I let Life plan for me instead of planning for life! :)

Relationships

2008-12-23T18:47:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I'm sick and tired of maintaining relationships... the kinda where I didn't choose to be in but it came as a package with those I did... No matter how hard I try to be myself I know I can't totally be myself in such relationships with these people cause being MYSELF - will come with really devastating consequences... and it annoys the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!! I feel that I'm being deprieved of being ME!

These relationships are what I'll call the second degree or third degree relationships (mostly those I got to know through someone I personally know) being in these relationships sometimes makes me wanna scream and shout but all I can do is grit my teeth and force a damn farked up smile and swallow it all in... I am amazed if they can't sense my actual feelings cause I'm really very bad at masking my feelings. Even if I forced that so called farked up smile... my eyes will tell you darn right that I am unhappy. Either that or you can get it from the tone of my voice when I talk to you.. but oh well some people will never have that ability to sense such things because they are just too consume in their own world and thinking everyone else are just like them! Sheesh! So darn irritating....................

I fainted....

2008-12-22T13:47:00.005+08:00

Yes I fainted today morning...

Why? Cause I witnessed my son's circumcision...

Thank Allah and I can never thank her enough. My mother. She has an amazing courage.

I thought I'll be there with my son throughout the whole thing. But I didn't. Well I did half way...

We got him ready on the surgery table. He sort of sense something was up. He started whining and squirming around. So I tried to calm him down.Was playing with him when the doc administer the local anesthetic all around his privates. Mom was holding him down by his thighs and arms. That made him even more uncomfortable and he started wailing. He only stopped wailing to breathe or when I gave him honey. It was his crying that got to me. I saw the whole procedure. The pulling of his foreskin. The cutting. Even the blood didn't make me shake. But seeing him cry and trying so hard to struggle out of my mom's hands. That just made me weak and I broke into cold sweat. Thank god I took the decision to ask my mom along and made her the one to hold him down. She sat through it all calmly. She did tear but she remained strong. Oh god if only you could give me half of her strength! Seeing him cry and tearing... I really got dizzy and went to take a seat knowing what to come next. I was so sure that I was going to faint only this time I really didn't know that I fainted! I didn't know also what happened after that. When I came to afterwards I was lying down at the clinic's floor. In cold sweat, shivering and all blood drain out of me and colour gone from my lips and face... The nurse came to my rescue and help me regain consciousness by warming me up. It was only 5 mins and yet it felt like hours. The procedure began at 10.30 am and we were out of the clinic at 11! So that whole drama happened in 30 mins... Phew! Alhamdullilah everything went fine.

(my sarcasms and emotions do get the better of me sometimes. I took back some stuff I wrote yesterday...)
Ammi (my MIL) was waiting outside... and she was crying and kept on asking how was he... She must have freaked out also I guess. Even the nurse and doc was on my side. They say its normal for mothers to black out during such things. And it was harder cause I saw the whole thing. It was only when they were tying it up and cleaning that whole dizzy thing came over me! :P So I do have guts. And this little rascal... he was doing okay when I feed him honey and all... When I kept calming him down that was when he began shouting and screaming... and once I left to sit... He was quiet! And when I regain consciousness he was already in his diapers and happily drinking his water! Really rascal just made me so scared! Sheesh... but overall...I thank god its over!!!!! Alhamdullilah! Masyallah! :)

before we headed to the clinic

mummy distracting him with photo-taking.. he looked kinda uneasy to me at this time...

he's the guy!!! after this i was too busy trying to calm the kiddo down... couldn't take any other pictures which I had intended to initially... like the whole procedure... luckily i didn't cause the images are still in my head!

oh my brave brave baby!

oh before we know it... we're heading home!

Scattergories Fun

2008-12-16T11:19:00.003+08:00

Yeay! Got tagged by Nisa. Something to keep me busy while the kiddo sleeps and before he wakes up to start his next episode of wailing... hehehe...

RULES: IT’S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS! (hmm...not really ya..unless your name begins with Q or X!!)
TAG 10 (i'll manage a few maybe.. since i think a couple of them has already done it...)

PEOPLE INCLUDING THE ONE THAT SENT THIS TO YOU.

- USE THE 1ST LETTER OF YOUR NAME TO ANSWER EACH OF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS.
- THEY HAVE TO BE REAL PLACES, NAMES,THINGS. NOTHING MADE UP!
- TRY TO USE DIFFERENT ANSWERS IF THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU HAD THE SAME 1ST INITIAL.
- YOU CAN’T USE YOUR NAME FOR THE BOY/GIRL NAME QUESTION.

1. What is your name: Suryati

2. A 4 Letter word: Sexy (hahahaha... the first word right up in my head! :P)

3. A Boys Name: Shafiee (won't use my son's, bro's or dad's name :P)

4. A Girls Name: Sreeya (won't use any of my sisters' names...yes all our names begin with an 'S'!)

5. An Occupation: Scientist

6. A Color: Silver (it is a colour right??) or else Sea green

7. Something you wear: Spectacles

8. A Beverage: Sex on the beach...not that I drink it :P

9. A Food: Spaghetti

10. Something found in the bathroom: Shampoo

11. A place: Scotland

12. A Reason for being late: Stomachache ;)

13. Something you shout: Seriously??

I'm tagging...

Debbie

Some of my students who have been actively blogging...

Winnie

Jia Qi

John -- who is so upset over MC's pregnancy :P

Rong2

Karman

Btw congrats to all 6A-ians for the excellence result. YNPS must be proud of you folks!

Another one of us married!

2008-12-15T14:19:00.004+08:00

the kissing bridegroom.. lol
bride and me in the foreground and the shy bridegroom at the back... wonder why he took off the shalwani...
mr and mrs ahmed younos ( f.k.a nazlinah..hehe)
busy wedding...

hehe.. my pathan looking son! :P

Lol! Now my cousin has joined the SWPH! well not officially but she tied the knot with a Saudi born Pakistani yesterday. I'm so happy for her! I can just remember a few years ago we were all sitting down wondering when will we be married and stuff! And now here we are... both married and me with a kid on tow!

To think of it... On my maternal side... My first aunt (the eldest) her eldest cum first daughter got married to a Scot. The second sister (my mom) her eldest cum first daughter who is ME got married to a Pakistani and now... the third sister (my aunt) her eldest cum first daughter got hitched to a Saudi born Pakistani yesterday! Lol I jokingly said that our generation decided to go International :P Psst... And I got news that maybe the next on the list might get hitched to a Malaysian! hahaha... it's a family trend maybe!

swimming video :)

2008-12-08T01:03:00.006+08:00

Pardon my high pitched voice! And my incessant screeches!

At first I thought he was probably walking on the surface of the bottom of tub... but I realize that he was really floating and paddling! And the depth of the water was deeper than his height and he was floating on the top half of the tub... lol honestly i tot he was going to scream and shout when he gets in.. but I made sure the lady place the right temperature of water in the tub... Siddiq takes his bath at 37 - 39 degrees! And whaddya know! He loves it! We only pulled him out when he got really hungry... even then we fed him while he was in the water! hehe...

Siddiq's First Swimming Lesson

2008-12-08T00:25:00.006+08:00

This is one of the videos that we took on his first swimming lesson today!

He enjoyed it so much! He is a natural..he took on the water just like that! Must be from his dad... lol definitely not from me...I can't swim...hehe... ohhh... he makes me proud..

Thanks to Michelle I came to know that at Hwa Xia Baby Spa, they begin swimming lessons as early as newborn... I knew another centre... the Happy Fish starts off students of 6 months onwards... Will switch to them once he's comfortable with being in deep water (as of for his height of course!)

3 months old!

2008-12-02T13:46:00.001+08:00

my darling turned 3 months old and stepping into his 4th!

Weight: 6 kg

Height: 61 cm

my baby's a big boy! masyallah!

2008-11-12T16:25:00.003+08:00

Today I was just folding all Siddiq's premmie clothes and putting them away! :) He's all healthier now and have put on considerable amount of weight for a 2 months plus baby! He has began to wear clothes that are meant for his age! :) For the changes he gone through in a month.. its definitely a good sign and I'm so proud of myself... and maybe I should also thank the MIL for being there to help me out with things..

So as I was putting all the clothes I couldn't stop smiling! So fast time past and so fast things changes eh? I'm a mummy now... Somehow 1% of me still think that this is all a dream....but I'll quickly snap out of it once the little one cries! Hehe... he amazes me... this tiny tot can takes up 24 hours of my time and yet at the end of the day I still have that goofy grin on my face... no matter what he does... Everything makes me want to hug him so tight and kiss him... :) lol yes he has squirmed numerous times to struggle out of my tight hug... lol and he'll have this funny struggling look... and that will make me want to squeeze him harder! not in a sadistic manner but out of the geram-ness! My baby boy really epitomized "all the love that I can give" Watching him grow and do all the things as he developed has become a favourite past time...

The way he smile and chuckles loudly in his sleep... the way he frowns when you make funny faces and laugh when he sees your disappointed face.. the way he tries to fit his whole hand in his mouth.. the way he bites and gnaws at the teething toy...the way he grabs my MIL's hair and pulled it hard and laughing.. hehe... my secret favourite.. the way he always grab my collar in one hand and hug me with the other while falling asleep in my arms...the way he sleeps...the way his eyes all light up when he gets in his bathing tub... and the way he wails when he gets pull out of the bath tub... the noise he makes when he drink his milk ... and the hundreds antics he makes daily which keeps me going and I can't wait for the thousands and thousands more to come as he grows up... Mommy Loves You Siddiq! :)

RACISM

2008-11-10T08:38:00.002+08:00

Racism has always interest me... I believe there is a tiny part of racism in all of us... There is... really search your heart... Don't lie to yourself saying that there isn't a trace of it at all in you!

Honestly there is in me as well.. I don't deny it. I have either accidentally or in my mind had made racist remarks against other racial groups. The trouble only comes about in racism is how open you are about it. In terms of vocal or actions.

What is racism... it's an extension of discrimination against a racial group and trust me you can even be racist towards your own race!

Do you know that in NIE we have a whole module teaching us about the importance of being in multicultural and multiracial nation? We always claim that our country is such a homogeneous country with all the races being harmonious with each other. But when we look closely, individually or among your own social groups... are we really we claim to be? Search yourself. Don't you always feel more comfortable in your own racial group... Somehow it always was never so with me.

Maybe because back in secondary school and even in poly... (when suddenly the child in us has began to see differences and the need to be recognised and belonged somewhere) I was a social and racial misfit in the first place and in the end I made friends with the other misfits (sorry friends for proclaiming such but we all know who we are!) forming our own group... I'm an Indian by race but can't speak any of the indian languages... Speaks lousy malay and I barely know the culture and dislike most of their food... I enjoy Mandarin drama serials and watch Chinese movies and listen to Canto songs... so how?? In that group we always use to think that we are not racist as our group comprises of different ethnic background... but why then do we feel prejudiced against the other races which refused to accept us and secretly hating them too? Isn't that being racist as well? It is definitely a touchy issue but it just gets to me that our country claims so much to be a one nation one people thingy...but in real fact... we are not... Just look around us.. if we are really NOT racist... then why do we need to try so hard to prove we are not?! We insist on using a chinese malay indian and eurasion model to display practically everything and insist on including all four races in programmes... relook at our local programmes and you will notice an increasing combination of these four races in them. If we are really NOT racist then we should NOTICE that there are more than just four races here in Singapore.... sigh don't get me started on this... cause I really can write a book on it!

This whole topic was stirred due to the recent American presidential elections. No doubt I thought majority of white americans tend to be racist against the minorities (the races that comprises of the Black, Hispanics, Asian etc in the country) and yet they have elected a black guy to be their 44th president or so maybe they are becoming more accepting?! Hmm then again what about it could mean another thing... you may say I am reading too much into it... but could it be that these majority of americans chose the black guy over the white guy because there has been so many controversy over racial issues involving the white guy?(By the way isn't Obama half white? so it's a win-win situation isn't it? :P) You know JUST SO to PROVE THE POINT THAT THEY ARE NOT RACIST they chose the guy who is also of the minority? It could be can't it... sometimes we humans do that... we do just the opposite to prove things otherwise? I also happened to chance upon an article somewhere as well stating that the blacks and the other minorities are voting for him because he's black, the author was so quick to push the finger that these minorities have been waiting for such an opportunity.. which I totally disagree and was quite happy to see another article which rebutted stating that the blacks and minorities did not vote for Obama because he was coloured but because he was a democratic and they have been doing so all this while... so that first guy was just trying to bring racism into the issue wasn't it? Sigh so I personally feel the world will never be free of racism... even more now since we have people of mixed parentage from different races... I just hope people learn to be more discreet about their racism and learn to be more tolerant... at least it won't get anyone into trouble...

Living life by a thread

2008-11-08T21:49:00.002+08:00

How many special people change?

How many lives are living strange?

I'm just glad I'm not getting high anymore.

2008-11-07T16:06:00.003+08:00

My FIL left for Karachi today... Went to airport to send him off...

Kinda sad to see him go... and I know MIL must be feeling lonely now since her hubby is gone... Wish he could stay longer at least to keep MIL company... but he has a hearing of a case in three days..hence the hurry to go back... Now it's getting quieter in the house... Just me, the baby and MIL... Sometimes we don't even know what to say to each other... and mostly she and the baby sleep... and I'm left with nothing much to do... sigh...

Hubby is now somewhere in the middle of Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia... been talking to him everyday... I miss him like crazy as ever....but hearing his voice everyday at least makes it all better.. at least it feels closer to home... Am hoping to see him in Malaysia if things go smoothly.. we'll see... it's been over a month since I saw him... sigh... man wish 5 years can just fly by... then I can join him on ship and see the world! Haha... okies maybe I should head to the lalaland too now...

the cruel rain...

2008-11-03T15:49:00.005+08:00

sigh...yet another cold hard stormy day....

the lightning seems to strike harder and the thunder seems to roar louder today...

each pelting raindrop appears to be mocking me... i know they are...

they are cruel you know, these raindrops...

i see them laughing and snickering....

relishing at how i am missing the embrace that always keep me warm...

how in need i am of the shelter that never fail to protect me from their bitter coldness...

they, in their battalions, tearing down the open red sky...

smirking as they caught the glistening tiny drops from the corners of my eyes...

these raindrops, they'll never know that these tears weighs tons...

they'll never know, that it gets harder to carry these tiny tears and the many more left unshed...

maybe...one day i'll let them know...

i'll let these tears fall among them...

and then they'll understand and feel the pain...

and on that day, they'll stop laughing at me...

'cause on that day... I'll have the whole sky crying with me...

2008-11-01T23:28:00.004+08:00

sometimes you are very nice... and you make me feel guilty for having negative thoughts about you...

but then most of the times I just can't stand you... cause the very next minute you show me the other side of you again...

you are making me missed out on many things that I should be enjoying now...

you are making me dislike you for reasons I don't want to...

your time has passed... it's my turn now... I just wish you can understand better sometimes...

maybe you are acting this way cause you are trying to make up for something you regretted... I don't know why but it's just a gut feeling...

you hurt me in ways you don't know and sometimes I wish I can yell it all out to you... but I'm keeping it all in for the sake of the one I love truly...

I just despise it when you talk about the him in that manner... He has come a long way... give him some credit for it... I just wish you can see him in a different light now... he deserves it... at least I know I made him the man he is now when all of you had failed... and alhamdullilah with HIS blessings and insyallah he'll continue to see success in his way and be the man you so wish and want to be proud of... if you do want to be...

mera pyari bacha is 2 months old!!

2008-10-31T17:49:00.004+08:00

Yes the little one turns 2 months old today! Masyallah! And mummy is very very happy with his progress in weight gain and feedings! Insyallah he'll keep up and be a healthy baby! Ameen.

Weight: 4.8 kg

Height: ??

sigh.... I need to lose weight!

2008-10-30T16:47:00.002+08:00

The last time I weight myself was at the doctor's a month ago when I had to do my pap smear thingy... Then I was only 3 kg from my pre-pregnancy weight.... so of course very happy then la... Since then I have not weigh myself till today...

Today I bought a new scale... and got the shock of my life when I saw the digits on it! BAD NEWS! I am now 10 kg away from my pre-pregnancy weight!!!!! Can I Scream and shout!!!!! How the hell did I put on 7 kg back within this month! Could it be due to lesser breastfeeding?! Could it be I've stop binding myself and hence am at a better appetite to eat?? But my diet is really really a lot lesser than before!

For example.. For breakfast... I eat one or two slices of bread. PLAIN. One glass of milk.

Lunch, I'll have whatever my MIL cook, mostly veggies stuff and half naan or one whole naan, PLAIN. And water of course.

Dinner, I'll have milk and veggies. So how the hell can I have put on the weight back??

I think I need to do some exercise... weirdly carrying around this tiny screaming terror of 4.5kg doesn't help much either... Then this must be it... I should hit the gym now... since I've not been doing any real exercise since Siddiq was born...

The other thing that usually makes me put on weight is LACK OF SLEEP...I can't complain on this and also something I might not be able to overcome just yet cause of my nocturnal son... My FIL, Abu always say this so called bad word in Urdu "Ullukapatta" meaning son of an owl to my son.. in a loving and afffectionate manner of course... and I've having no doubts that he is indeed like an OWL! He can sleep throughout in the day and waking up only for milk and change of diapers... BUT stay wide-eyed and wide awake from ten o'clock all the way till six or seven in the morning! And he expects us to stay awake and entertain him as well! And that is just it... if he stays awake and quiet that is one thing... HE SCREAMS ON TOP OF HIS LUNGS!! Due to all that screaming his navel has turn out to be like a tiny balloon.. and am doing all sorts of things to push it back in...

On another note, sigh... I really can't wait for him to change his sleeping habits! Cause in a 24-hour day... I only get a total of 3-4 hours of sleep or less! Between the washing and the cleaning and cooking and doing it all over again and again... You know I spend more time on baby's washing and cleaning of bottles, clothes, etc. than ours...So yeah lack of sleep is another thing making me not losing weight... sigh.... HOW!? WHAT TO DO?! I envy those who lose weight easily after pregnancy...

I've decided... Let's start on a mission... I'm gonna try and lose some weight and see my progress in a month's time! Jia You, Suryati!

babyFOX and the FOXYmama... hehehe...

2008-10-28T13:09:00.003+08:00

when he sleeps....

2008-10-27T16:03:00.003+08:00

it's not that easy putting this little guy to sleep at night... lol but sometimes its so cute to watch him drift off to sleep when I rock him in his cradle... A snippet on one of those days... this was taken at 2 am!!!

oh boy! What a fussy little one!

2008-10-21T19:27:00.002+08:00

Little Siddiq has been a very very fussy boy! And we are all victims of his in cajoling him to sooth his temper... :) And of course we are all guilty of giving in to him all the time... He is the first grandson on my maternal side and also the first grandson to carry forward the "AGHA" clan :P

Some of his fussiness includes:

1. He refuses to breastfeed on my right! I've tried means and ways to get him to suckle on my right but he will pout and squirms about till he starts screaming when I make him do so. BUT he will immediately latch on my left breast and starts feeding instantaneously. AS it is my left breast is slightly bigger than on my right... NOW its more obvious of the size difference because of all the milk as my left side produces more now! GOSH! What am I to do!?

2. If he were to sleep on the cradle, the cradle MUST be rocked/swinged all the time till he is so so deep in sleep... then we can stop swinging it! If he is still not in deep sleep, he will pop his eyes open and starts screaming again! Oh boy...

3. He refuses to drink formula milk that is cold... He likes it only warm... slightly more than just lukewarm. Yes he actually will take the teat in the mouth, suckle a bit and if the temperature is not right for him, he'll spit the milk and push the teat away! Essh! Sometimes my MIL also fed-up... As for me, I had a feeling he was going to be one fussy little kid! Cause I have put up with his nightly rants when he is not comfortable in his sleep that will cause him to wake up.

4. That's another one. If he is already very comfortable in one position when I'm holding him in my arms... A slight movement can cause this little terror to erupt in anger!

5. Even when he is bathing, it must be hot bath... Cold water or slightly warm water will again make this little fella angry!

6. When you are talking to him, you better talk to him until he is the one that gets bored... If you leave him half-way during a "conversation"... he's gonna scold you! And start shouting in your face :P

Somehow I think this is just the beginning... lol but despite these fussiness... he is still sweet in other ways... that just makes me melt and succumb to all his little fussiness... Happily! :)

Tata Sayang Didiq

2008-10-21T14:44:00.000+08:00

p/s: please don't mind the diaper at the back there :P My niece wanted to hold him so much after I changed him

:) My niece has always been attached to Siddiq ever since he was in mummy's tummy (mine la of course!)

Lol there was once when I was heavy with Siddiq in my tum tum.. I went over to mum's place and Sisca was sayanging my tummy.. saying "sayang baby"... then Umer touch my tummy and said it was his baby... She immediately say no and push his hands away... hehe... and what follow after was a screaming match between her and the other 2 year old with 30 yr old body :P

And now when Siddiq is out...she won't allow anyone else to carry the baby except for members of my family as in my mom, her mom, me, my dad, my other siblings... anyone else who carry Siddiq she will ask one of us to get him back... She also loves to carry and sayang him... So cute right? :)

She knows him as adik or Didiq... her version of Siddiq :)

And always says that "Tata Sayang Didiq" - Sisca Sayang Siddiq... My heart melt to see how she sayang him...

Istighfar Sue... Banyak istighfar...

2008-10-16T15:09:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder if I had married early... or should I have waited till I teach before I decide to tie the knot...

But it felt so right at that time... and 99% of the time it still feels like finally the second last piece of the jigsaw has fitted nicely into the puzzle of my life... the last piece being the arrival of Siddiq...

However, on days like today... I feel that somehow the puzzle is all mixed up or that maybe I've somehow forcefully fitted the pieces that didn't belong... and things are not what it's suppose to be and in frustration... I feel like picking the puzzle up and just messed up the pieces and starting all over again... hmm... probably some of you must be lost... wondering just what the hell I'm talking about....guess I'm just being metaphorical today....

I am someone who has always been spontaneous... and whether by sheer of good luck or otherwise I found a partner who is just like that... we enjoy spontaneity and we don't plan... because through experiences... we often get disappointed when we plan and things don't work out...I handle disappointment better than Umer by the way... so rather than being disappointed we prefer to take things as it comes or work on it when it hit us... so far being spontaneous has helped us... not once or twice but numerous times...

The thing now is the owner of the house dropped a bombshell... he has decided to sell the house and would have home seekers looking at the house beginning November... meaning we have till then to look for a new place... I didn't mind living in rented places before... Cause being optimistic me...I know life will pick up in a year or so... that is when I start working... but of late I've just been made to feel that I didn't plan my life properly...either by internal or external factors...

The visit by in-laws has not been easy... most time it is... but other time its not... the thing is they are pretty much disappointed by the way of life we are leading here... disappointed that the expenses are sky high to live here... and its not easy to explain to them that all we need is some time... things don't always work out perfectly for everyone... and due to their disappointment... I began to question our (meaning me and my hubby's) decisions we have made so far in our life as a married couple... and I hate doing that... cause whatever things we decide in our life... we have been happy and we ARE HAPPY. And YES we ARE contented. Honestly. But when others (and I'm not saying its only coming from in-laws... probably some of you too might wondering also how we lead such a nomadic life.. still studying managing a kid... wife and husband apart from other most of the time...yada yada... ) began to speak their views... we always end up having doubts in ourselves...having doubts with our decisions and we hate that... Yes I'm using the term "WE" because we both feel that way.

To make things difficult, it is not easy to tell them that we are happy with our decisions... we are optimistic with what we have done with our lives...we will work ourselves to where they want to see us to be cause that's where we want to be as well...

Unfortunately all that they see and concern with is what is in front of their eyes... that I have a child in hands... I'm studying... I don't have a house... they have failed to see how I have managed so far... how do I make them see that things is going to be better, Insyallah. Ameen.

That whatever that has occurred in our lives will not have taken place without HIS permission. Right?

After writing this...NOW I take back my doubts raised... Because... I know that I'm happy and life may be a little tight now...but my motto will always be that LIFE has a better plan for me than the plans I would have for LIFE...

I do hope that people who have raised questions and frown their brows with how we lead our life will see deeper than just what their eyes feed them...