mei vita...may god bless this mess...

Illusions!

2009-12-16T15:36:00.004+08:00

I've always been interested in all sorts of optical illusions, magical images and the likes. I'm a great follower of M C Escher and even wrote a whole essay on him and his works. I don't know I guess I am just such a visual stimulated person. Recently, I've just discovered this thing call Magic 3D images... its a 2D image which has an embedded 3D image that will emerge if you apply some "seeing" techniques. I was invited to do some quiz on Facebook and while taking the test I really didn't know what I was suppose to look out for! I was simply guessing the answers and came out getting 50% CORRECT?! Which I know is b*llsh*t cause I know I didn't see anything at all :P I was beginning to panic! I thought maybe there's something wrong with my eye... so I blackled it (I don't use google, but a subsidiary of it which is more energy saving! yes its call Blackle :P)

Then I learn how to see these 3D images and after that it was easy peasy! I so enjoy looking at them now.. and apparently it has benefits so go ahead and try them!

Magic Eye 3D

Magic Eye

Vision 3D

Too lazy to paste the pictures go enjoy....

Today is just not a good day...

2009-12-11T15:27:00.002+08:00

First of all, had a call early morning informing me of bad news... the people I worked with messed up big time.. and due to their errors I have to suffer with no pay coming in this month! I was so waiting for this pay so that I can finally shop for clothes before school starts! I've been living broke as hell for the past five months with hubby not getting job and all... and now this....

I just don't understand how evil and NOT understanding people can be... And to think they were going to cut off my January pay as well for the error they made...
The story goes that they have overpaid me for the month of June and July this year, not knowing that I have extended my no-pay leave till November 2009. NOT MY FAULT! Cause I wrote emails, made calls and even wrote letters to them informing them about this monies that was credited into my account. NOBODY ANSWERED! NOBODY REPLIED! And further more on the payslip it acknowledge that I was on no pay leave. What was I to think? Money is mine right? And I even spoke to several officers who were so damn blur and not aware of the situation. SO MONEY IS MINE RIGHT? Apparently not. Well too bad. You took 2 months to reply by which the money is gone from the account of course I spent it. You didn't pay me for 2 years what makes you think I'm not gonna spend the few grands you credited?! SO now after half a year... they decided to simply minus it off my pay... WHOLE AMOUNT! Not even partial salary to offset that error they made earlier! Blunder heads....

I wrote them another letter saying that the above is of course unacceptabe.. first of all they went ahead to deduct whole of my salary and even wanted to do so in January... and what am I to do? Lick my fingers everyday while in school? Sometimes I really wonder who is sitting up there... Don't I need allowance? Let's see now what is the outcome of my outburst that I threw at this lady supposedly whom we are to contact about the overpayment...

Then Siddiq and Sisca is up to their nonsense creating a mess in the house early morning... Oh god! No time to clean up even! Then we had to go out to settle hubby's visa and other immigration matters cause he's leaving tomorrow...

And just five minutes ago, FIL called and said that he lost a few grand after coming back from the bank... he went to buy cigarettes and when in the car realised that he has lost 50,000 Pak rupees... do you maths and you will know how much dollars that is :(

Just not a good day at all... I really pray that HE knows what is happening and show us better days soon... cause I might just break down anytime... I've too much on my hands now...

It's the holidays!!! Yeay!!

2009-12-04T18:20:00.008+08:00

It's the holidays! Finally and as any other person who wants to savour each and every min of the holidays, I was determined to make this holiday as fun packed and as fulfilling as it get!

I wanted to spend as much time I could with Siddiq and my hubby during this hols cause I know things are going to get busy and I won't have as much time later when teaching starts!

Some of the things I've accomplished is to cook! I finally have had the time for cooking! Hehe... or more of baking actually... I now have time to bake! Siddiq and my niece seems to really enjoy my bakes too! Kinda proud of myself that I've done more cooking/baking in this two weeks than I ever did in the other months of the year! :P

I've cooked/baked the following in this two weeks:-

1. Pineapple tarts (less pineapple jam as I made this for the kids and more milk in the flour part which seem to prove popular with the kids!)

2. Fried mushroom rice

3. Sweet corn soup

4. Mushroom chicken soup

5. Chana curry

6. Almond butter cookies (some with chocolate strips) - I actually made this for the second swimming session with the SWPH group but unfortunately something cropped up at home and I missed it for the second time! And also the family finished the cookies on the same day! Sorry ladies I promise I'll bake the cookies again the next time we meet!

7. Sweet and sour chicken

And lots of other simple things for the kids to eat... I seem to be cooking and cooking non stop for the kids apparently! Siddiq has been getting quite an appetite too! Mashallah!

Other than that I'm getting involved with other self-initiated projects too :)

Thanks to Michelle for the play-doh recipe.. I whipped up some self-made and non-toxic play-doh for the kids. It was fun making them and even more fun playing with them. However, I thought Siddiq will hate the taste of the dough! I was so wrong... I know my kid is weird... he enjoys chewing the dough in his mouth and even swallowed it!!!!!!!!! Arrgghhh! Hence no more play doh for Siddiq.. and I given them to my niece to play with....at least she plays with it only.. and not EAT IT! :S

I also created Urdu-English flash cards for Siddiq... it is also to keep my drawing and painting skills in check.. lol well not as if its very good.. but I enjoy doodling and making something for Siddiq... so with a Urdu-English dictionary and some markers, crayons and paper I set down to do the flash cards. Even self-laminate the cards... I am surprised where all the energy and enthusiasm came about but like I say it has been fun! hehe actually first few cards were pretty neat after a while I got lazy and the drawings skill also begin to suck...hehe...

I thought its good to create Urdu-English cards since I'm sure Malay will be an easier subject to handle than Urdu and the ready made cards are practically non-existence hence I have to make them myself... so yeah! Will try to make more cards in the future for him!Hubby was quite impressed too that I took the time and effort to write the words in Urdu and all... he helped me to check if the words were right...

Let's see what else I'll embark on next! Till next time!

a little late but always have time to say I love you!

2009-11-24T15:49:00.003+08:00

Happy Anniversary baby!

To my best friend, my lover, my husband....

To us on this special day... and many more to come! I love you baby!

been a busy month!

2009-11-17T23:21:00.004+08:00

Why cause first it's the last month of school and so all the assignments are due!!! Officially the last month in NIE... last month before I can start teaching again!!! YEAY!!!

AND it hasn't been an easy November...

First busy preparing for Sisca's birthday party... Luckily all went perfectly well for the little princess...

Then HUBBY came back... Sigh... Not that I don't want him back but the company going through short-manning and he's been targetted is not good... It really isn't a good time for us right now.. We are kinda very broke and our plans of buying a house might have to be pushed back even further now... :( well that's another story...

Then Siddiq got the CHICKEN POX! Can you believe that?! After all the vaccinations and all??! Crap or what?! The horror I tell you when I saw the rashes all over his buttocks, back and hands! I was oh my god it can't be!? And true enough his PD said it is... very rare that he should get it especially when there's been no such contact or whatsoever with a carrier... Weird but well if the almighty wants something to happen it will happen eh?

But due to this also... I saw the ugly sides of people.. I mean I know you can be worried about your child getting the pox from my child but sometimes you can behave in the most irrational way... I mean if only you know the real fact about chicken pox it will really make you appear like an idiot (and I'm not talking about just one person here!) you can only contract it while the carrier is in the fever stage and not till the breakout of rashes itself... and even then I had quarantined him for 10 days as told by the PD and after that it's fine! And yet people were scared of their wits... FOOLISH!

Then besides all of that drama... there's datelines and exams like I say!!! Arghh!!!

My maths exams went well I think... I screwed up the theory part as always but the application part was quite easy :P hehe...

Now tomorrow will be meeting with BGPS principal... sigh didn't get to go to TKPS but it's okay I guess....

Then thursday is AMX exams... Friday 20th is the curatorial practices and exhibitions submission and then IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Counting down to the days...

Here's a snippet of Siddiq reading... :) He reads in his baby-lish talk of course.. but he imitates the high and low intonations that we use when we read to him... sometimes it's so hilarious the way he reads as though he's reading for real.. perhaps he is in his own little ways... :) Can't get a proper video cause he's becoming camera shy lately! yeah... he refuse to do anything or continue with what he's doing after seeing the camera... I had to take this on the sly...

I miss those chiseled face, collarbones and the defined chin!

2009-11-01T02:45:00.005+08:00

I use to be so obsessed of achieving collarbones and seeing my chest bones... and I was thrilled like MAD when I achieved it then... this was taken in Feb 2007! A month before I started dating Umer...

When will I get back this size of legs!???

I loved my size then.... oh god please help me achieve this once again!

Smaller arms... collar bones... smaller chest and that normal waistline... I wanna achieve it back!!!

Chiseled jawlines? Can I get them back? Better toned arms? This was in later part of 2006....

I can't believe looking at my old photos just how much weight I've put on in the past two - three years...

These photos is not to show off but to brutally remind me that I was once not soo fatttt....Used to be so much fatter but I lost 30 kg to be where I was when these pictures were taken.... at least honestly these were the decent photos :P I mean not so revealing and all...

When can I go back to achieving that kinda weight now... after all the baby weight and marital weight?? I BLAME MY HUSBAND!!! At least depression then helped me to lose weight...

Breakdown

2009-10-26T21:03:00.005+08:00

Breakdown

(Mariah Carey)

Guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it

And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you

But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind

Under the guise of smile

Gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly

Cause I don't want to reveal

The fact that I'm suffering

So I wear my disguise

Till I go home at night

Turn off all the lights

and then I breakdown and cry...

The words connect to me although in a different context from what Mariah meant it to be... however I could feel with those words on certain nights...

It's been 21 days since you left... but sure feels so much longer... It never gets easier... it just gets harder...

Mamma in Me... :)

2009-10-25T18:45:00.005+08:00

Well been very busy to blog... and had no idea what to blog.... Was passing by Jus blog and saw that she had me tag on this post... so why not right?! hehe thanks Jus for giving me something to write about! hehe...

Name: Suryati a.k.a Surya a.k.a Sue can call me anything but YATIIIIIIIIIIIIII.... please no YATI k....

Child(ren) and their ages:
a nearly 14 month old full of energy bouncy boy... :)

How many children would you like to have, ideally?
Lol.. as many as I can! As long as the almighty bless me with offsprings.. I'll accept!

How long did it take to conceive?
I got knocked up the moment we decide to have kids... :P

Brief version of your Birth Story:
Waterbag broke at about 6 am when I was exactly 36 weeks and 1 day along the pregnancy. Went to NUH, about 14 hours later around 6:48 pm my little son was born! Natural birth, had epidural at first but had to take it out cause very bad reactions to it...

Baby's Birth Date, Weight and Height:
31.08.08, 2.7 kg, 49 cm

Weight gained during pregnancy:
I think between 19 - 22 kg.. I really can't remember.. :S

Weight shed after delivery:
Oh man I still have about 8 kg to go before my pre-pregnancy weight! Or at least I want to lose 10 kg from what I am now in total!

How did you name your child(ren)?
Well Siddiq is from the name of one of Rasullulah's kalifa name.. as in Hazrat Abu Bakar As-Siddiq (RA) I also like the name cause the name appeared in Surah Yusuf as a description of Nabi Yusuf's character.
Agha Saiyed is my hubby's family name... Zaheer is their immediate family name and Shah is like a surname?? I think....

Working or Stay-At-Home Mum?
erm... part time student... part time SAHM?

Formula / Breast milk?
First few months breastmilk, then mixed feeding, by 6 months old fully formula..

Your Favourite Baby moments / actions:
So many! These are the few of my many Siddiq's moment/actions...

When he sleeps snuggling to me, with his fingers curling up to my collar, lol scared that I will run away...

Or when he lights up and laughs and hugs me when I pick him up from the babysitter's or when I come home. He insist in me carrying him and hugging and kissing him first!

When he jumps on me surprisingly and play our wrestling games with me tickling him and acting like a lioness and baby cub.... :) it's really fun!

When he surprises me with something new everyday....It just makes me go all jelly and teary eye looking at my baby all grown up... :)

When he says "mamma" in his endearing loving voice... that is uniquely his... :)

I can go on and on!!! :P

His/Her/Their First Word:
Lol as in a proper first word aside from Baba and Mamma... that will have to be
"bird" or "ball" i can't remember... :P either one cause he learnt it at the same time...

This is it the last stretch....!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-20T22:13:00.003+08:00

Yes... in just about one month's time... I'm finally gonna get done with studies!!!!!!!!!!! Forever!!!!!! Err... well at least for now! :P

Just ploughing through the last stretch! So busy with projects, assignments, essays and whatever else that the people up there can come up with to make our lives miserable....

Had no time to update... kinda feeling that I've not been spending time with my little terror too!

LOL... although today he made sure he gave me a whole lot of trouble at the hospital!

He had me running from one end of the hospital to the other!!! And he gleefully shine his cheeky smile when he notice that I can't keep up with him! Oh god! He gets such thrill seeing me chasing him and then he'll ran off even faster! :S He caused such a ruckus too... first he ran into the nurses reception counter at that clinic... then he sneaked into one of the doctor's office through a small opening at the door when the nurse opened it to speak to the doctor inside.... Then he chased the girls at the playarea!!!!!! These were older girls some more... some how the girls ran off screaming and screeching irritatingly... then that get him even more happier.. then he started chasing them even more! And seeing that they ran away just give him the urge to chase thme down even more... I hope that is not a characteristic that would develop into something else when he's older! Touch wood!

Oh my...he's like a bouncy bag full of mischief!!!!! After all that he then fell asleep in the cab... but not for long... as soon as we reach home.. his power nap is over and he's got the whole thing going again!

K now I've got to go back to my assignments... oh bother!

A Gathering with not so new found friends :)

2009-10-10T23:18:00.002+08:00

Uzair's B'day Party!

Good Food, Good Company, Good Fun!!

Top from Left: Birthday boy, Uzair in Mummy's (Fara) hands, Me with Siddiq in hand, Nisa lady in blue! :)

Bottom from Left: Shaheen (Fara's eldest), Wusqa (Fara's second daughter), Sameer (Nisa's boy), Julissa and baby Tufeil

my nearly 13 month old Siddiq!!!

2009-09-25T23:45:00.003+08:00

Just a few days ago... in fact a day after his daddy left... Siddiq got up... held the table... and walked over to the other side of the room... ALL BY HIMSELF WITH NO ONE HOLDING HIS HANDS!!!! AND VERY STEADY TOO!!! Too bad that I didn't manage to get it on video cause like I say it was really all too sudden!

Lol my mom told me that he is exactly like me... When I started walking.. I was late too... I began to walk at about 14 months and I did exactly what he did... He usually like to hold our hands or do it by holding the walls... but on that day he just walked across the living room easily and steadily!!! The only difference in my case was when we (mom and me) were at the playground and I was so excited to join the other kids playing at the playground I simply had gotten up, let go of my mom's hands and just walked over and then there was no turning back after that... This feels so much like deja vu... have I mentioned this before??

Anways, the strange thing is that both of us didn't have to learn how to walk slowly, like in a step by step manner.. where you first start to grab walls and things then walk with no balance, falls and get up again... and fall and get up again... walk slowly, learn to turn, slow down, walk faster etc... etc...

Both mother and son, we simply had gotten up and walked and instinctively knew how to steady ourselves, maneuver ourselves, change directions the moment we did get up to walk... Not bad eh??

Now to me it doesn't feel so bad after all that he started walking later than his peers... After all he manage to walk just fine now! Without the head start at all! Guess some things just stay in the genes... Furthermore, some of his peers are still in the struggling stage (though for one baby girl it is because she is grotesquely obese for a baby who is only one week younger to him...really sad but not because she eats or is fed a lot.. just born big!)... And comparatively... some of his counterparts did the same thing just a couple of weeks earlier to him.. So why the heck was I put under all that pressure and why was I given the stress that he is slow?

Once again I am made to that the remarks blinded me... I should have just listened to my own mom and not worry... because whatever she went through with me.. .I am going through with Siddiq... and me as a baby might not be all different from my own dear son...

In fact, I should not be surprised, though I am still amazed with the walking and all! It was the same with his crawling too.. he used to army crawl everywhere... till the day before we left pakistan... when he was about 10 months plus... he just got on his fours and started crawling properly like speed demon on knees... .so I guess I really shoull learn my lesson well now... Stressing and worrying about my child's progress is really a waste of time.. I should just treasure every single moment now and cherish his progress as the way he wants it to happen.. I really believe now that it is really depend on how Siddiq wants to develop.. as it prove to show that he does it better HIS WAY! :) His own timing at his own game and at his own rules! Maybe I should only worry about all this later in life... when he is much older (hmm... 5 -6 years old maybe?? lol)

So now my little speed fire is walking here and there and everywhere!

Oh btw it is during this month... between 12 to 13 month that he has picked up dancing... well he usually sway left to right or front to back whenever he hears music... or clap his hands along...BUT NOW he even knows the bhangra dance! He knows that when we say "Ba-le! Ba-le!" he picks up his hands, points his fingers out and move them like a bhangra dancer! hehe...

And nowadays he's really dancing like according to music! He has began to move his hands, his legs... and shake his butt!!! Should again try to capture this but always he catch us by surprise always!! And when he sees that we are pointing the lenses at him... he shys away or get occupied with the camera!!! Sighs...hoping to film one of such times in sly maybe...

He has even began learning to hum some of his favourite show theme songs... Like DIBO THE DRAGON, MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE, LITTLE EINSTIEN etc...

He also knows the tune to many nursery rhymes! It's really heartwarming to see how my little boy has learn so much and as developed into such a fine little man he is now...

I know he will continue to amaze me in his own little and BIG ways... and I will be here to watch him and support him throughout... Ameen...

Happy Eid-ul-Fitri to all family and friends!!!!

2009-09-19T00:01:00.008+08:00

To all our family and friends who will be celebrating end of the holy month of ramadhan and the beginning of syawal... Our heartiest Eid Mubarak to all of you and may Allah bless us all with our prayers...

We also will like to take this opportunity to seek each and everyone's forgiveness, should we have hurt your feelings or done any wrongdoing towards you in the past... Like they say in malay, "Minal aidin wal faizin maaf zahir dan batin" :)

Lotsa love, hugs and pappus to all
Siddiq, Suryati & Umer

It wasn't a great birthday for my one-year old son...

2009-09-03T17:53:00.003+08:00

A day after his birthday... Siddiq had trouble breathing at night... he refused to sleep and despite giving him the ventolin he was crying and wheezing badly... Went to KK A&E at one a.m.

Despite them giving him the sabutomol through the gas mask.. he was still wheezing and crying.. Had no choice but to get him admitted... So what a way to celebrate him turning one right? Sighs....

Guess I knew it was coming... despite going to various PDs and them giving all sorts of medicine and antibiotics... I knew he was going to get it.... Although there hasn't been any history of it in my family or Umer's family... Call it a mother's instinct you can say and what a negative one!!

Siddiq has asthma. Now it's confirmed in black and white... It wasn't just a case of lung infections or blocked airways... or under developed lungs when he was born... Or maybe all these factors had finally lead to this...

So over the past few days he has been in the hospital and getting his "daily" puffs and medicine... He struggled a lot when the nurses try to give him his puffs.. Obviously its super irritating to have the gas mask glued to your face with the nose and mouth covered...any child will hate it...
I use to wonder how difficult it is for moms who have to handle kids with all these medical or health problems... sigh.. Now I have to get into the routine of regularly giving my son medicine and his puffs... I don't know how else to call the treatment of him taking in the nasal spray thingy but puffs... maybe later I'll learn the proper term... I hate the thought of going through it... But when we came from the hospital today (discharged today! Thank god!) I gave him my "virgin" puff.... god that sounds weird but anyways... though he protested he managed to take in all the required 3 puffs well... I hope it gets easier with time...

On top of 2 different types of asthma nasal spray, he has a whole lot of other medicine to take... all with its own set of instructions and directions in consuming... I was in such a daze when the pharmacist told me the instructions.. thank god for the written ones on the labels... :(

He has to take 2 different types of nasal drops, two different types of pain killers, anti viral stuff and also Tamiflu tablets....yes cause he had contracted the Influenza A from the hospital on his second day there! And me and Umer also was prescribed the tablets for preventive measures... Sighs... I hate hospitals and all this medicinal stuff!!!! I'm just glad that I'm back home... and I can see the happiness in Siddiq too to be at home...

It hasn't been a great birthday week but at least Siddiq is much better now... and I know its not going to be easy for him or me to deal with this whole asthma thing initially... It'll get better I'm sure, insyallah... This could be just a child hood thingy... since he is after all one year old only... I'm going to stay positive! Will upload his pictures in the hospital soon.. lol he was sure a hit with all the nurses and being the cheeky and flirty little thing he is of course he was basking in all the attention despite being "sick" lol....

why is it just so hard?

2009-08-27T00:45:00.002+08:00

it is yet another stormy gloomy day....

sometimes no matter how hard we try... it just backfire...

the harder you try to put out the fire... the greater it burns....

painful.... really painful...

It takes two to clap!

2009-08-20T11:40:00.002+08:00

=) =) =)

Yes... the phrase "takes two to clap" or "two to tango" can never be more apt than in the situation of relationships.... No matter how one person try to make it work... it will not work if the other party doesn't take heart in making it work too...

Alhamdullilah... things are looking much brighter in ou life in just the matter of two days!

My hubby flew in two days ago!! He called me when he was at the airport in Karachi saying that he'll reach Singapore the next day at 3!!!! I was shocked..stumped... and of course thrilled!! Excited! I miss him so much and the thoughts of all the arguments were swept right to a tiny corner of my head.. not to be brought up again! Cause I know that he's making this trip to spend time with us and rekindle that thing we had... AND WE DID!

Straight away when we met at the airport... the tension... the inability to talk to each other previously... the angerness had all disappeared...

Nothing was there except for the love we have for each other... It is hard.. no doubt.. not seeing each other for 3 whole months... we have done longer periods but we never use to have such tension and strain on the relationship.. This time we really went through a rough patch....and Insyallah we'll face no more such patches... :)

It is nice having him by my side... and definitely I feel love is in the air again as if we started dating... lol but when we hear Siddiq's voice... we know we're no longer that dating young couple but now parents of a handsome baby boy... but definitely very much still in love and crazy about each other.... :) I love my you baby...

Trying my best to keep the faith....

2009-08-14T13:58:00.002+08:00

Never thought that I'll be in this position to say this... I'm really trying to hold it all together now...

The long distance relationship is getting harder... It's getting difficult to communicate... Words get misconstrue almost all the time and temper fly... emotions running high and feelings hurt... Communication is the key to all relationships... spending time is the other.... Communication has gone blurry... and spending time is a luxury...

Things were so much easier when we were physically together... Now everything seems to be just crumbling...

I've seen a few long distance relationships that work so well... why can't ours be the same? Why do we always have to end up arguing over the phone?

What went wrong? What happened to the happiness that we use to have?

We could be talking perfectly fine on the phone and suddenly we end up screaming and arguing... and me crying to sleep....

I want this to work out... for only that one reason...I love you....
Right now I'm really just too hurt and I don't know what to do but just trying my best to keep the faith...

HE knows best and really... may he bless us....

been reading stuff to help me through this...
i.e. Marital Life

Sometimes Life just isn't fair...

2009-08-08T22:31:00.002+08:00

why?

Cause Women are given the harder tasks in life.... and on top of that they are more emotional of the two... think about it...

Built to Last

2009-08-07T20:46:00.002+08:00

"Built To Last"

I've looked for love in stranger places,
but never found someone like you.
Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,
and now there's nothing I can't do.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

All of our friends saw from the start.
So why didn't we believe it too?
Whoa yeah, now look where we are.
You're in my heart now.
And there's no escaping it for you.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight
You and I were made to get love right

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

'Cause you are the sun in my universe,
considered the best when we've felt the worst
and most of all it's built to last.

wish i could wait till our wedding anniversary to dedicate this song to my hubby... but why not now right? well yeah this song is kinda our song... ;)

yeay! happy 11th month Siddiq!

2009-07-31T14:59:00.004+08:00

Wow! Masyallah! Only one more month away before Siddiq turn one! :)

How time flies... Sadly every month on this day he gets his runny nose and coughs again... For a change we saw a PD in Jurong this time round... she gave him new medicine and antibiotics that will last 1 and half weeks... so I hope this time this doc will prove to be good for Siddiq... we have tried so many PDs... no one really manage to cure his runny nose and respiratory problems every month...

As usual he can't keep still in the clinic... running about here and there... worse still this PD had a gear like thingy toy on her table and some cubes.. In an attempt to prevent him from throwing everything down... I kept him away from the table... He knew I was preventing him and so tried even harder to reach them... Once he got his way, like I predicted he played with it for a while then started throwing everything down on the floor and laughed gleefully as everything crashes on the floor.... sighs... pretty embarassing... Then he started to pull the doc's stestocope and even tried to get her glasses! Argghh... faced him to me and he started to pull my glasses off and threw it across the floor!!! He then squirmed here and there to escape me holding him and tried to get on the floor! Oh gosh!The brink of naughtiness! I always felt he gets naughthier than his usual self when he's not well.. I think this incident confirmed it!

better stop digressing...

What I want to share is that it has been 11 months of nothing but bliss since Siddiq came into my life. It wasn't an easy task initially as Siddiq was born prematurely at 36 weeks. He was hospitalized for most of his first month in this world but that incident has made me stronger as a person and uncover a side of me I never knew existed. During this time, I also saw a side of my husband that I never thought he had too. Despite the hurdles and down moments we had during his birth, we grew closer and tighter as a family. Having to overcome that, the journey then on as a mommy to my Siddiq has been an amazing and wonderful ride....

11 months on, my Siddiq is now a big boy! Standing at 73-74 cm tall... He weighs in at exactly 10 kg. Hmm... he's been at that weight since he turned 7 months... Doctor say it's pretty normal for babies to hit a plateau during certain age so I shall not be too worried about that. Anyways it makes me easier to carry him when I'm lazy to bring the pram or when he gets too cranky to go into the baby sling or throw tantrums :P

Yes, he's been doing that a lot lately! Not only that but he's getting a temper too.... I know he'll have lots of that coming from me and his daddy. But I can't blame him either also cause usually it's because of my laziness or my own stubborness, he gets angry and throw tantrums at me.

For example when he insists to go walking around the house and I am too tired to hold his hands... Or like when I forced him to eat cereals when he wants to eat the chicken nuggets! But honestly who lets a 11 month old baby eat chicken nuggets?! That's another thing I can get into an argument with Siddiq on... sigh and some more at his age he already begin to argue with me! Even screaming on top of his voice just to prove his point. Kids nowadays...

Guess it's just Siddiq trying to prove that he is an individual character.. lol... But sometimes I do lose my temper when he insist too much or gets overboard. I do scold him and sometimes even lightly beat him on his hands to show that he's being naughty, then he'll throw in his "symphathy card" and show me his downturn lips and heaving cries... and being such a mummy I am... I'll carry him and he'll put his head on my chest and cry...aww by then I can't go on being angry... of course I'll hug him and kiss him... sighs... I do get taken in by the emotional blackmail... why I know this is so? Because he will immediately stop crying and so called tears will stop flowing... then he'll get his way.... This is all when he's in his really naughty mood...

When Siddiq is in a loving mood.... he can be really adorable....there are times when he will suddenly come to me or my sisters or parents... and just lie his head down on them and hug them... tell me who can resist such charm?

I can write on and on about my baby... but I shall not bore everyone with that...

All I wanna share is that in the 11 months that my little prince came in my life... Lots of things have change.... probably a million things.. lol but I've never been more happier!

This tiny fellow can be a swirling ball of energy full of different personalities all bursting out at once... but he's my one and only son.. my baby... my Siddiq... and for that alone I am willing to go through anything for him...

I may have been a struggling mum at some points of time since I am sort of singlehandedly bringing up my son (Of course I am also very grateful to my parents who understands me so well and allowing me to put up with them and showing me more the true meaning of love) I believe LOVE does wonders and that with lots of care concern trust patience and all the other ingredients... everything will be alright... :) things doesn't seem so bad after all... Just wished hubby was around more often... He misses him a lot too... Hope the almighty will plan something better for us in the future so that we can be together more often... Cause just as much as mummy is always with him... He needs his daddy too... Just always praying for this...

Of course and I'll always be here for my Siddiq :) It's a promise...

Honest Tag

2009-07-27T20:45:00.005+08:00

Been awhile since I got a tag here on my blog... hehe... But hey just got tagged by Nisa on this one....so here it goes!

This is how the Honest Tag works: tell your readers 10 things about you that they may or may not know, but are true. Tag ten people and be sure to let them know they’ve been tagged (a quick comment on their blog will do). Don’t forget to link back to the blogger who tagged you.

THE TEN HONEST THINGS ABOUT ME:

1. I thought I hated teaching and that I can't get along with kids. Obviously I was wrong. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a cut-throat lawyer... but being in the legal field for three years made me realize that was just not for me... And that teaching is really one of the most amazing choices I've made. Thanks to this person whom introduced me to volunteering teaching at Mendaki that changed everything...

2. I wore the tudung/hijab shortly after I met my then beau who is now husband. No, not because of him. It was entirely my own decision but his support played a major role. It was one of the biggest step I took in the process of "finding myself".

3. I have a major temper and that always causes me to be painfully sarcastic to the one who provoked me. Though I do feel regretful sometimes, but mostly I think they deserve it. Cause it does take a lot to make me lose my temper.... I'm usually very nice :)

4. I feel very upset when I see an increasing amount of non-Singaporeans in the service line. Not that I'm biased but I feel a certain loss when I can't communicate in Singlish or even Malay at even the ezlink top-up counters. Sadder that I have to speak in their language to make transactions easier sometimes...And it wonders everyone why the unemployment rate among Singaporeans is high... sigh...

5. I get jealous easily when it comes to the love and affection of my loved ones. But I keep it under control I believe so. :)

6. I can't seem to maintain some things for more than year or two. For e.g. my spectacles, my handphone. BUT for many other things, I've been using for a very long time for e.g. my laptop 8 years! Digicam 4 years! I keep and use certain things on emotional attachments and refuse to change it since it is still in perfect working condition :)

7. I always feel the strong urge to disturb my son when he's sleeping so peacefully as he looks superbly calm and adorable... but deep inside truthfully I get scared even if he fidget a little when I look at him as he lie asleep cause I am afraid he'll awake! He always seem to have this burst of energy that I can never keep up so his sleeping time is myfreedom time! ;)

8. I've lost 3 kg in the past weeks I stayed at home and took care of the kids! All thanks to Siddiq and him insisting me to hold his hands and walking around the house! ;) And playing golf (she loves Golf, kinda strange...) and football with Sisca! It is seriously challenging taking care of these two kids at their age, really need plentiful of energy. It sort of reaffirms my desire to be a SAHM now. So that I can regain my pre-pregnancy and pre-marriage weight!

9. I cry 95% of the times after putting down the phone with my hubby. I guess I'll never get use to the fact that he's apart from me.... I honestly wish he can get a offshore job here in Singapore. Never stop praying for that.

10. Honestly there are more than just ten things that I could be honest about... but rather than listing them here... It can be revealed in my entries... past, present and in the future! ;)

A rainy morning and dull afternoon on a total solar eclipse day...

2009-07-22T14:28:00.007+08:00

It is always a dull day when there is an eclipse... Like today... I've never really witness that kinda eclipse where they show in cartoons where its totally dark... For the past few times that eclipse happened in Singapore, the sky is so cloudy and turn so dark that the sun is totally out of view and the atmosphere of an eclipse is missing... its just like any other rainy day...Anyways... guess I was expecting a dramatic kinda eclipse...

So...an update on the past few days. Since monday my niece had to stay at home cause she is on 5 days MC. The doctor didn't want to take chances and told her to stay at home even though she was well and fine the next day...

It has been a challenge to take care of two kids and manage the house while everybody else is at school or work... yes... Every single member of the family goes to work or school and usually leave the house latest by 8.30 in the morning... So from that time till at least 3 in the afternoon... I'm left alone with two kids... One who is turning 11 months... my own son and the other is my niece... 2 1/2 years old... And they usually are awake at about the same time as when everybody leave the house... So for the past few days was a sneak peek at how life would probably be if I am a SAHM and having two kids...

I kinda get them into a routine as I take care of them... As soon as they are awake... I get them to drink their milk... Make them full... Then clean them one by one... I have to make sure that Siddiq is in my sight always because the other kid I need not worry so much as she is pretty independant...Then probably I let them watch Playhouse Disney or JimJam on cable... or take out their toy basket and let them play... While they are occupied, I will do the household chores... vacumming the house, do laundry, do the dishes, clean their bottles and other stuff except for cooking. I don't think I can spend time cooking with two kids on my hand...

For Siddiq it can be that he wants to walk around the house, so I would have to "lend him a hand" literally for those time... After that it would be a proper breakfast time... I'll give them baby cereal or porridge which then will be back to play again... Of course I usually have to play with them too... It can be pretty fun imagining stuff and amusing the kids... This will be usually the case till in the afternoon....Then for Siddiq its time for his second round of milk before he takes his afternoon nap... For Sisca she will munch on biscuits and milk while watching television or reading her books. I will take this opportunity to clean myself up and bath... Yeah I know its like kinda late to take bath but hey I don't smell bad in the morning....I do wash myself and brush teeth just for the record...

So like about now... I have the time to surf and a moment for myself as Siddiq sleeps and Sisca, my niece plays by herself....except for the occasional times where she'll come and ask me to help her out with this or that...

Honestly, I'm kinda liking this routine life... its peaceful and fulfilling but how long will I be satisfied with it is another thing... On one hand I can't wait to finish off the last semester in NIE and start teaching... and on the other... I wish this simple and relaxing moment is everlasting... haha...

Oh btw my cousin who has been living in Scotland with her husband and family has returned to Singapore. Introducing my Scottish niece, :) She looks so much like her dad.... Pretty little thing ain't she? Siddiq couldn't take his eyes of her... but he was a bit too rough for her... Cute little darling offered her hand to Siddiq and Siddiq pushed it away.. and she cried! He then offered his hand afterwards but she was too terrified to accept his hand by then... See Siddiq Mummy told you to play nice! Her name is Ria, short for Juwayriah...

This is all about the pearly whites...

2009-07-17T23:24:00.006+08:00

Had an appointment today at the specialist oral clinic my sister is working at. It is situated at Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre.

Arrived at 3.30 pm and met with Dr Lim. He is the most friendliest and least frightening oral surgeon (can't say he's a dentist...cause he really is not...) I've ever met.

In fact male doctors/dentists/oral surgeons has always been nicer to me than the female ones... they can be really bitchy... During my pregnancy, the one lady dentist had the cheek to even comment "You didn't take care of your oral health properly and you've started family planning already... sighs...". BITCH. That tooth she worked on... was the same teeth I had to see Dr. Lim today! I don't know why I've been the one always in my family to take care of my oral hygiene religiously and yet I'm the one with the most dental problems. It sucks.

So yeah... why I had to see Dr. Lim is because my upper 1st molar has Pulpitis. It all first started from a small cavity which then was fixed by the lady dentist (she was new and from the dental clinic that I always go to for dental appointments) when I was in my first trimester. A simple procedure was done to clean the cavity and amalgamation was done. Now, after nearly over a year... begining about last two months.. that tooth had suddenly begin to disintergrate.. no kidding really it just crumbles down bits and pieces... at first I thought its just going to be a case of going to the dentist to amalgam the tooth again... but then I realise bits and pieces of that tooth was falling out too! So much so that it even begin to hurt really a lot when I eat or drink...

Though this pain was less painful than the time where I had the horrible gum swelling and toothache during my last trimester and had to go to SGH in the middle of the night... That pain was extremely excruciating.... And I'm not kidding about the pain... cause it was comparable to the whole labour process... It was so bad that despite getting three jabs of novocaine from the dentist, the pain was still there... Worse it affected my entire right side of the face. The jabs numbed my cheeks and tongue but the pain remained throughout for three days... then I just went on anti-biotics and painkillers... Dentists couldn't do anything because I was pregnant. I can't remember if I had the chance to blog about that experience... Not sure if it was due to hormonal changes during pregnancy... I had experience lots of teeth problems..

Strangely that set of teeth has not given any problem neither have the pain resurfaced after delivery but this teeth has been giving problems.. So seeing that nearly half of the crown as well as half of the teeth has gone... I thought I should get it extracted... I thought it was as easy as getting a jab and pulling it out... Boy was I wrong... My sister already took a looksy and warned me that it may not be that easy and that probably I have to sit through a surgery. When I heard surgery... of course I damn panic! But :) fortunately dental surgery is not all that frightening I learn... And really really Dr Lim is really fantastic.

When I arrived at his clinic, pretty comfortable nice and highly advanced clinic, I had to fill up some consent forms... CPF forms (cause my sister was darn confident I will end up in the surgery) Btw this specialist prices are quite PRICEY... erm not not quite... but VERY... :S Then I went to meet him...

He took a looksy... and told me that he will try to perform a normal extraction first should my bone holding on to the teeth is soft it will be easy to extract. He said that usually since I am still in my twenties.... bone is pretty soft and teeth can easily wiggle out...

Got several jabs... not that painful... and then all the tools laid out in front... he begin to try to do an extraction... He was extremely gentle and professional... My nervousness melts away soon after... unfortunately... my teeth did not budge at all! Try as he might... the teeth simply did not moved or showed any signs of being removed from my bones...

He was really surprised of the strong bones... He kept on saying... "Really solid bones you got there!" Then he dropped the bombshell and said that I'll have to go through the surgery after all...

In a min, I was shifted to the surgery room and was geared for it... This is how I looked... :)

the shades is a must cause its extremely bright...

The surgery room looks pretty much the same... just that it has more gadgets and stuff and lots more sharp tools :( Btw thank god it was my sister who was assisting him for my case. :)

The surgery than took place... I felt more comfortable by now... as my mouth was pretty much numbed by now... I really couldn't feel any pain at all... I felt a little pressure now and then on the tooth but no pain as he drill up my huge tooth up into pieces so that he can easily extract it out... The whole procedure didn't really take that long... I only knew he was done when I saw him putting a needle and thread in and out of my mouth... err.. this part I felt a bit icky cause of the needle and thread of course and could see a little traces of blood on the doctor's gloves but since I didn't feel any pain.. I brushed that ickiness away quickly. Since he is sewing up the cut he had to make to take the tooth out... it must be over! yeay finally! The whole thing took about 1 and half hour. I left the clinic at about 5 plus. Then my sister got knocked off too...

So what did we do?? hehe.. shopping at Paragon! Wanted to get some new clothes for Siddiq and just like always I had to go to Toys R Us for a looksy... but that's not all I did... I got something for siddiq and sisca... hehe... and something for me as well... I got myself a Mr Potato Head!!! I love it so much! After all that shopping and walking... when I got home... the effects of the drugs... and the numbness fades away... the pain begins to creep in... and not forgetting I still had a gauze which I had to change as it gets too soggy with my blood and saliva all this while... I felt nausea with pain... so I quickly popped in all the painkillers and antibiotics that the Doc gave me... and now I'm feeling so much better! Ah... I got a 5 days mc which is not really that useful to me now... haha if only it was done when I had return to school... ;) I have to go back to Dr Lim next week to remove the stitches...

It is such a weird feeling to have a gap there now... its a pretty big gap cause it was a pretty big tooth... sigh I will now try to save money now to have a tooth implant there..since it is merely for asthetics... I can't use my CPF to pay part of the fees for that... so really have to save... or maybe not... cause my smile is not affected by the teeth...

can't see cause I kinda have a small mouth... but if I laugh then the gapping hole can be spotted... well that is for later to decide...now I'm going to take a rest... the soreness is still there... and for days to come...

the Sing-Pak footballer...

2009-07-10T14:58:00.005+08:00

He refuse to go in the walker nowadays... Once he got so angry cause he knew I was going to put him in there... He kicked it so hard it hit my feet... :(

He always tap on my hands to signal that he wants to walk... and also refused to held by both hands.. he will aggressively shake off any hands that try to hold him on his left hand... cause that is his "exploring" hand... am eagerly waiting for the day he lets go of my hands and walk on his own! :) sorry the video is in a format that I am not sure of... and I took using my hp hence the upside-down version of it...

He's 10 months! My big boy!

2009-07-06T22:46:00.006+08:00

Masyallah my boy is ten months now... I know this post is 6 days late... but still I needed to do this to reflect and remember the amazing achievements that my boy has done up to date!

He's going to be one soon... I've decided that there will be no party for him this year... I know its the first birthday and all...but it is the holy month of Ramadan and it will be nicer to know that people are performing ibadah and spending time with their family... Insyallah if his birthday falls on Syawal next year then I'll celebrate it....

A quick update on my baby's achievements and habits as he crawls his way towards the BIG ONE!

He is eager to start walking by himself nowadays and refuse to be held by both hands to walk... He has a good sense of direction and with me holding one hand, he will walk all around the house going to places he wants to go... Lol guess where is his favourite place in the house? The bathroom! He knows the way to the bathroom in just two days after getting back to Singapore.. oh.. he already knows his way to the one in the Pakistan house.. he practically crawls there every morning by himself though a week before leaving he always held my hand and walk towards there... he actually uses me just as a sort of walking aid... haha.. I feel so used!

His second favourite place... in Pakistan was the car porch and the laundry area...why? Cause these places he can find all the creepy crawlies he can play with.. In the car porch he will catch spiders and ants to kill.. yes kill... he practically fingers them to death.. :( and the black ants in Pakistan is honestly 30 - 40 times bigger than the ones in Singapore... he practically wrings their neck with his long fingers... poor ants really... and in reality they actually bites but somehow when he comes they all ran in terror... In the laundry area.... he plays with frogs!!!!!!!!!!! He laughs heartily when he tries to catch them and they jumped away... I got freaked out the first time.. and when I realise he enjoys it I just had to let him be... of course I dun let him put his hands in the mouth after that.... I washed him with diluted dettol too! Thank god I'm back in Singapore....

He has also started playing imaginarily which is quite amusing to watch... he can sit for a long time (in baby terms...lol) sitting by himself with some toys and he begins talking and moving them around... His explorative side has also expanded tremendously... every single thing makes him curious... and like what the FitPregnancy newsletter said... Diaper changing has become really really difficult as he kept on flipping and crawling away when I'm trying to put on the diaper for him...

Oh one more thing which I truly feel so touched about.. he is very defensive for his mommy! I guess cause he has become very attached to me nowadays... he can't see me getting bullied! :) Once my Bil was just playing around and teasing me and to avoid his tickles I screamed and cried saying No! And he saw it and yelled at my BIL when actually he's quite attached to him too.. He will only go to me or him readily with open arms... with other people he needs coaxing a little before he'll go to them... so we were all quite surprise when he first did that and I really felt so proud of him that he got such a defensive nature at such an age over me... usually he is only defensive over his own toys or space... but now he can't see me crying or getting bullied... he actually shout and threatens the person who makes me cry... :) but HE can make me cry... he enjoys pulling my hair... smacking my face... clawing me.... and smacking my spectacles out of my face and if I cry playfully when he bullies me... he will laugh! Naughty naughty!!!

His understanding of instructions has expanded too! He could say bye bye, ta ta, give things if being asked, socialise, etc. It is getting so hard to catch up with his achievements and habits nowadays and obvioulsy over the last 3 months he has grown so much and learn so many new things that I can't remember and take note of due to lack of internet access at that time... but I'll try to if I can... or else I feel as though I'm losing a part of his growth... hmm.. already I feel I am... time is passing too fast and I'm too slow in catching up!!! :)

Been ages since I blog... Summing up...

2009-07-06T22:18:00.004+08:00

Blogging was not something I could do anytime there...

Electricity is a luxury in Pakistan during the summers...

Once the lights went off for more than 24 hours and Siddiq ran a fever for three days... 41 degrees! He also fell ill a couple of times...

And I suffered from stomach problems more than 5 times throughout my stay of 3 months there... I could only eat home-cooked food and only a few other places... Yes super sensitive gastronomic system.. The family doctor really gotten to know me and my baby during our stay there...

Well that was the downside of it... The good side is I spend more time with my in-laws and bonded a lot more with them...I guess after their stay in Singapore and after spending the last three months with them we did become closer and understand each other better... And I also spend a lot of time with my baby so much so that he has became very attached to me... that he can't let me out of his side! Now...I'm beginning to worry how will I leave him with my auntie who has been taking care of him before... it has been over three months since he was taken care of by her...

I guess it was after leaving him for 15 days to come back to Singapore that he was afraid I was going to leave him again... my poor baby!

He will play with others as long as I am within his sight... If I were to even walk away for a second he will start wailing! And also I must be there when he wakes up.. A couple of times he nearly fell off the bed cause he woke up and start crawling and crying towards the end of the bed cause I was not by his side when he wake up... :( People might think it is endearing...it could be at times but sometimes he does get on my nerves... especially when he start crying for my attention when he notice me around while he was actually happily playing by himself or playing with others! When I'm there suddenly he will start throwing a fit and will only quieten down when I picked him up... Sighs...

Nowadays he also starts to throw tantrums a lot.. and ONLY TO ME!!!! and when I'm trying to pacify him sometimes he start throwing himself backwards ... sigh.. its really getting harder to handle this boy of mine nowadays.... but I must admit that he still amazes me with every little thing despite his fussiness and tantrums... will do a post on his achievements next!