i'm here and not there...

I don't know where the 10 months went... It just did.... past by just like that....

I have not been blogging for ages... I know... perhaps I was just avoiding it... Cause blogging makes me sit down and think... A LOT.... it makes me think about every single thing that occurs in my life... and that takes up a lot of time... A LOT of time... And yet... still time... ten months to be exact passed by just like that.... Why am I emphasizing so much on this 10 months? Well cause my life did change for sure within this 10 month period.... I started teaching and really as a person have changed a lot....

Teaching has become my emotional crutch... It helps me to forget about having to think so much about the other things in my life.... My emotions for one thing... I use to analyze every single thing that happened in my life and how I reacted to it... Every single issue use to be such a big deal because they are the only "deals" in my life... Now I learn that they are always bigger "deals" that doesn't involve the overflow of emotions and can be solved with the help of loved ones....

Teaching also makes me wants to spend every other time that I have with my loved ones... I only want to spent my free time with Siddiq...

Teaching takes up nearly 9 - 10 hours a day (even more on certain days...) that leaves me a mere 5-6 hours (or even less on certain days) with Siddiq (this is of course besides sleeping time!) Hence, time with Siddiq is really precious for me... don't misunderstand me.. I'm not blaming teaching... in fact I thank my job... for I come to realize how much my son means to me...Not that I don't know that before... But knowing how and what kind of life my school kids lead... It just makes me feel that I should really treasure my son in whatever whichever way I can... The younger they are the more love they yearn for...
Teaching makes me miss him so much... Oh how much I miss him when I'm not with him... how much I yearn to see his face when I finally come back to see his smiles and receive his hugs.... :)

I'm also thankful to teaching that it finally helps to iron out some of my financial creases in life... It's not easy but things are working out... slowly but I believe surely....

Once upon a time... I wondered... if I will make it as a teacher... if I had it in me... the thoughts crossed my mind more than once before I made that jump but I always brushed it aside... Now I have made it through ten months! Yeah not a big deal to many... but for someone as fickle as me (I wanted to be a fashion designer, a lawyer, a police officer, prison warden etc. etc.) Finally I found something that I believe I could do and appreciate for a long time... a long long time I hope... in fact... I think this profession really chose me instead of the other way round... and it worked out for me well.. ( no mistake in that sentence... really I meant Teaching worked out for me.... )

Well... that's the very long and boring overdue post... :)